1 我没看到它 I didn’t see it
Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johnny, and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?
Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other.
妈妈: 约翰尼, 我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗?
约翰尼: 哦, 我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。
2 干一口吧！ Have a Shot!
The Irish doctor said to his patient," For the life of me, Paddy, I can't figure out what's wrong with you. It must be drink."
"That's all right, doc. I'll come back when you're sober."
爱尔兰籍的医生对病人说：“派迪, 我怎么也想不出你有什么不对劲的地方, 一定是酒精在作祟吧。”
“没关系, 医生, 那等你清醒了我再回来！”
3 爱护动物 Be Kind to Animals
The owner of the hamburger stand was rather surprised to see a man walk in with three iguanas, but when the man ordered four hamburgers with fries, the owner complied with a shrug. The man and his iguanas enjoyed their dinner and left.
The next day the man returned with two kangaroos and the same scene was repeated.
On the third day the man entered with two orangutans and a chimpanzee, and the owner couldn’t help making a remark. "You certainly seem to be an animal lover," he said.
"That's true," said the man, "and I'd like you to know how much we appreciate your letting us eat here. Some proprietors object."
"That's quite alright," said the shopkeeper.
"As a token of my appreciation, I'd like to give you this lobster." And the animal lover handed over a live, wriggling crustacean.
"Well, that's very kind of you. My wife and I will have it for dinner."
"Oh, he's already had dinner. But I'm sure he'd love to take in a movie."
有个人牵了三只大蜥蜴走进一家汉堡店, 老板吓了一跳。接着他点了四份汉堡和薯条, 老板耸耸肩答应了他的要求, 那个老兄和他的蜥蜴享受过晚餐后便离开了。
第二天, 那个人带了两只袋鼠, 又点了相同的东西。
第三天, 他带了两只红毛猩猩和一只黑猩猩。老板实在忍不住, 便说：“您实在是个爱护动物的有心人。”
“那倒是真的, ”那位仁兄回答说道。“另外我也要感谢你让我们进来吃晚餐, 许多店老板都拒绝卖东西给我们。”
“没有问题啦！”店老板说。
“为了向你表示谢意, 我送你一只龙虾。”说着他便给老板一只活蹦乱跳的大龙虾。
“您真好, 我太太和我将以它当晚餐。”
“喔, 它已经吃过晚餐了, 但我想它会喜欢看场电影。”
有个人牵了三只大蜥蜴走进一家汉堡店, 老板吓了一跳。接着他点了四份汉堡和薯条, 老板耸耸肩答应了他的要求, 那个老兄和他的蜥蜴享受过晚餐后便离开了。
第二天, 那个人带了两只袋鼠, 又点了相同的东西。
第三天, 他带了两只红毛猩猩和一只黑猩猩。老板实在忍不住, 便说：“您实在是个爱护动物的有心人。”
“那倒是真的, ”那位仁兄回答说道。“另外我也要感谢你让我们进来吃晚餐, 许多店老板都拒绝卖东西给我们。”
“没有问题啦！”店老板说。
“为了向你表示谢意, 我送你一只龙虾。”说着他便给老板一只活蹦乱跳的大龙虾。
“您真好, 我太太和我将以它当晚餐。”
“喔, 它已经吃过晚餐了, 但我想它会喜欢看场电影。”
4 参观养鸡场 Visiting A Chicken Farm
One day, a teacher took his pupils to a chicken farm to pay a visit. When they came near the incubator, a chick just got out of its eggshell.
"It's wonderful to see a little thing come out from the eggshell, isn't it?” the teacher said.
"Yes, sir," said one of the boys,”But it would be more wonderful if we knew that how a chick gets into its eggshell beforehand.”
老师带学生到养鸡场参观, 当他们走近孵化器时, 刚好一只小鸡破壳而出。
“看见一个小生命从蛋壳里出来, 很奇妙, 是不是?”老师说。
“是的, 老师, ”一个男学生说, “可是, 如果我们知道它是怎样事先钻进蛋壳里的那就更奇妙了。”
5 我没有听 Wasn’t Listening
Mother asked her litter daughter who was reading a book, "What are you reading, dear?”
"I don’t know,”the litter girl answered.
"You don't know? But you were reading aloud, so you must know.”
"I was reading aloud, mummy, but I wasn't listening,” explained the child.
妈妈问正在读书的女儿:“亲爱的, 你读的是什么书? ”
女儿回答道:“我不知道。”
“你不知道?你不是在朗读吗?你应该知道的。”
女儿解释说:“我是在朗读, 可我没有听。”
6 约会的话题 Subjects For A Date
A boy is about to go on his first date and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.
The father replies “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”
The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.
He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.
He asks the girl, “Do you like spinach?” She says “No", and the silence returns.
After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the Iist. He asks, "Do yow have a brother?” Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.
The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl the following question, “If you had a brother, would he like spinach?”
一个男孩儿去赴他的第一次约会，他很紧张，不知道谈些什么，就去请教他的父亲。
父亲回答:“孩子，有三个话题一向百试不爽、万用万灵，那就是食物、家人和哲学。”
男孩儿去赴约了，他们进了一家冷饮店，喝着冰激凌苏打水。两个人大眼瞪小眼地看着对方，男孩感到越发紧张了。
他想起了父亲的建议，选择了第一个话题。
他问女孩儿:“你喜欢吃菠菜吗?”女孩儿说不喜欢。两人又归于沉默。
煎熬了几分钟后，男孩儿想起了父亲的建议，转向第二个话题。他问:“你有兄弟吗?”女孩儿说“没有”。又是沉默。
男孩儿使出了杀手锏。他想起父亲的建议，问了女孩下面这个问题:“如果你有了兄弟，他会喜欢吃菠菜吗?”
(From Internet)
