五绝平起:《秋色柳意》 --- 碧玉亭边别样姿 --- 2015.05.14

长于知而短于智,多于痴而少于世;不迷于资,不喜于仕;文理古今阅中外,墨白是非论兴衰。【沁文体】: 旧时平水韵律 + 通篇正格平仄 + 通篇奇偶逐字对仗 + 虚笔传意 + 简约流畅 + 力求联间词性交错 + 力避同音。。。封笔于2016.06.22。
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《秋色柳意》
碧玉亭边别样姿

(仄仄平平仄仄平)

沁文(古来客)
2015.05.14


三秋湖畔影,平平平仄仄
一世雨中。仄仄仄平平(下平八庚韵)
缓缓浮云去,仄仄平平仄
萧萧别雁。平平仄仄平(下平八庚韵)
===========
: 于四字诗题之中谐音于 “忆”。
: 依平水韵为仄声 (古今音调相异之 “叛逆者” 一枚),故于七字副诗题句四两处皆仍持正格平仄。
姿: 于七字副诗题之中谐音于 “枝” (尤其对于东北以及部分江浙地区平卷舌不分者^_^)。
: 仅此一字尽断虚笔之可能 。。。乃索性实笔一番 。。。

缓缓 + 萧萧:原拟为 “片片 + 声声”,然忧其与 “三秋 + 一世” 意重 (皆指数量),故改之。 “缓缓” 似好于 “渐渐”; “浮” 似好于 “流”。

浮云 + 别雁:既可为单一词,亦可各自分解为 “浮”(动词 “漂浮”) +  “云”  [漂浮之云]、   “别”(动词 “离别”) +  “雁”  [离别之雁],故实乃沁文刻意所求之逐字对仗。


沁文 特以此忆》( = “秋柳”)习作应和 留侯 之《春径》(如下所附)。


【下平八庚韵】庚更羹盲横觥彭棚亨英瑛烹平评京惊荆明盟荣莹兵卿生甥笙牲檠擎鲸迎行衡耕萌氓宏闳茎莺樱泓橙筝争清情晴精睛菁旌晶盈瀛嬴营婴缨贞成盛城诚呈程声征正轻名令并倾萦琼赓撑瞠枪伧峥猩珩蘅铿嵘丁嘤鹦铮?砰绷轰訇瞪侦顷榜抨趟坪请。


《春径》
http://blog.wenxuecity.com/myblog/61334/201505/12546.html?#commentshttp://bbs.wenxuecity.com/poetry/646816.html

留侯
2015.05.14

径小芳菲郁,
琴悠涧水

姗姗蜂蝶晚,
新蕊可知

沁文----古来客 发表评论于
谢清泉兄雅临鼓励!周末愉快。
清泉水 发表评论于
深赏好绝!尤其是沁文兄分享笔下心路历程,获益良多。
沁文----古来客 发表评论于
谢寒砚雅临鼓励!本以为告别婉约之风,未料被留侯之《春径》五绝拉拢了一下^_^ 。。。。。。
寒砚 发表评论于
深赏,尤其喜欢“三秋湖畔影,一世雨中情”,感人好绝!
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