1 补洞
A young man came home from work and found his bride upset. "I feel terrible,” she said. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
“Forget it,” consoled her husband. “Remember that I’ve got an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“Yes,” said the woman, cheering up. "And it’s lucky you have. I used them to patch the hole.”
丈夫下班回到家里，发现自己的新娘心绪烦乱。“我心里太难受了，”她说。“我在给你熨西装时把裤子的臀部烧了个大洞。”
“没事儿，”丈夫安慰她说。“你忘了我这套衣服有两条裤子。”
“是的，”妻子高兴地说，“幸亏你还有一条，我后来就用它来补了这个洞了。”
2 我丈夫刚进来
The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.
The couple seated in restaurant seemed to be having a wonderful time. But as the woman glanced away from the table，their waiter suddenly rushed over.
“Madam look,”he said.“Your husband just slid under the table.”
“No,he didn't,”she replied.“My husband just came in the door.”
在饭馆里坐着一对夫妇，他们看上去非常高兴。但是当那女子向旁边瞥了一眼时，服务员马上跑了过来。
“夫人，您瞧,” 他说,“您丈夫滑到桌子底下去了。”
“不，他没有,” 她回答,“我丈夫刚从门外进来。”
3 人们什么时候说话最少？
Student A: When do people talk least?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
学生甲: 人们在什么时候说话最少?
学生乙: 在二月。
学生甲: 为什么呢?
学生乙: 因为二月是一年中最短的一个月。
4 老鼠吹牛
Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.
The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"
The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."
三只老鼠坐在酒吧聊天吹嘘他们的勇敢和厉害。
第一个说，“我很厉害，有一次我吃了整袋的老鼠药！”
第二个说，“好吧，我很厉害，有一次我被老鼠夹子夹住了，我把它咬碎了！”
那么第三老鼠站起来说，“伙计一会儿，我离开家去骚扰猫。”
5 第一次到美国
Two guys immigrate to America. On their first day off the boat, they are wandering around New York City seeing the sights. As lunch time approaches, they decide they are hungry. They then come up to a street vendor selling hot dogs.
One says to the other in a shocked tone, "My God. Do they eat dogs in America?"
"I don't know!" says the other, equally appalled.
"Well," says the first, "we're going to be Americans, so we must do as they do."
They approach the vendor bravely, "Two hot dogs, please."
The vendor hands them their food in a pair of paper sacks. The two immigrants sit on a park bench to eat their lunch.
One looks inside his sack, hesitates and turns to his partner and says, "Uh, which part of the dog did you get?"
两个人移民到美国。在他们到的第一天，下了船，他们在纽约市游荡观光。午餐时间接近，他们决定他们是饿了。然后，他们走向一个摆地摊卖热狗的小贩。
其中一个用震惊的语气说，“我的上帝。在美国难道他们吃狗？”
“我不知道！”另一个说，同样感到震惊。
“嗯，”第一个人说，“我们要成为美国人，所以我们必须做的跟他们一样。”
他们勇敢地走近小贩，“请来两个热狗。”
小商贩把食物放在一对纸袋中递给他们。这两个移民坐在公园的长凳上吃午饭。
一个看了看口袋里面的东西，犹豫地转向他的伙伴说：“呃，你得到的是狗的哪一部分？”
6 只听到一半
John:"Doctor, lately I hear only half as good as I suppose to".
Doctor:"I don't understand that, but let’s try a small test. Say after me: eighty-eight".
John: "Fourty-four."
约翰：“医生，最近我听到的只是应该听到的一半”。
医生：“我不明白，但让我们做个小测试，跟着我说：88”。
约翰：“44.”
