1 人是怎么来的?
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
一个孩子问他的父亲，“人是怎么生出来的？”于是他的父亲说，“亚当和夏娃制造了婴儿，他们的孩子成为大人后又制造婴儿，如此循环。”孩子然后去他的母亲那儿，问她同样的问题，她对他说，“我们先是猴子然后我们就进化成为像我们现在的样子。”孩子跑回到他的父亲那儿说：“你骗我！”他的父亲说，“没有，你妈妈说的是她家那边的情况。”
2 称赞
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
妻子：“我看起来很胖，你能称赞我一下吗？”
丈夫：“你有完美的视力。”
3 聪明的狮子狗
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The poodle thinks, "Uh, oh!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!" says the leopard. "That was close! That poodle nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!" Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear. "Where's that damn monkey?" the poodle says. "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
一个富有的老妇人决定在非洲野生动物园拍照片，她的狮子狗与她为伴。有一天，狮子狗开始追逐蝴蝶，不久，他发现他迷路了。他在徘徊时，注意到一只饥饿的豹子迅速向他的方向走来。狮子狗想，“不好！”注意到在附近的地面上有一些骨头，他立刻平息下来背对着接近他的豹子啃骨头。正当豹子即将飞扑时，狮子狗感叹一声，“嘿，这只豹子真好吃！我不知道这里是否还有更多的？”听到这里，豹在他的攻击中停了下来，一脸恐怖的神色，他悄悄跑开消失在树林中。“唉！”豹说。“好险！那狮子狗离我那么近！”与此同时，猴子在附近的一棵树上一直在观察整个场景，想着他可以把这些知识很好地利用来换取豹的保护。因此，他迅速离去，狮子狗看到猴子以极快的速度向豹的方向离开后，知道有什么事情要发生。猴子很快就赶上了豹子，揭示了秘密并为自己与豹定下了交易。豹非常生气被人愚弄，说：“来，猴子，跳到我的背上，然后你就可以看我嚼了那个狮子狗！”于是，狮子狗看到豹子和他的背上的猴子来了，他想：“我现在该怎么办？”狗没有跑，他坐下来，背对着他的攻击者，假装他还没有见到他们，然后等到他们足够近了能听到了。“那个该死的猴子在哪儿呢？”狮子狗说。“我一个小时前让他给我带来另一只豹子！”
4 起名
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replied "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Duh huh guh nuh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock."
一个农场里有五头牛，是一个牛妈妈和四头小牛。第一个孩子向妈妈走来问：“妈妈，为什么我的名字是玫瑰？”牛妈妈回答说，“因为亲爱的，在你出生的时候一片玫瑰花瓣落在你的头上了。”另一头小牛走了过来，问：“妈妈，为什么我的名字是百合？”妈妈回答说：“因为亲爱的，在你出生的时候一片百合花瓣落在你的头上了。”第三个孩子走了过来，问：“妈妈，为什么我的名字是菊花？” 牛妈妈再次回答“因为，你出生的时候一片菊花花瓣落在你的头上了。”最后的婴儿走了过来，说：“嗒,哈,嘎,呐！” 牛妈妈说：“闭嘴，煤渣。”
5 男孩和猴子
A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that monkey to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."
在肩膀上有一只猴子的一个男孩走在路上经过一位警察时，警察说，“现在，年轻的小伙子，我看你最好把那只猴子带去动物园。”第二天，男孩与在他肩上猴子再次走在路上，他经过同一位警察。警察说，“嘿，我想我跟你说了带那只猴子去动物园！”男孩说，“我去了！今天我要带他去电影院。”
6 鹦鹉和魔术师
A magician worked on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician did the same tricks each week. However, there was a problem, the captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting out the secrets in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat." "Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table." "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day, the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself with the parrot, adrift on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, then another, and another. Finally, after a week, the parrot said, "Okay, I give up. Where the heck is the boat?"
魔术师曾在加勒比地区的游轮上工作。因为观众每周不同，所以魔法师每星期表演同样的魔术。然而，就有了一个问题，船长的鹦鹉每星期看了节目，开始懂得魔术师是如何做到每一个把戏。他一明白，他就在表演中开始喊出表演的秘密，“你看，这不是同一顶帽子。”“你看，他把花藏在桌子底下。”“嘿，为什么所有的牌都是黑桃A？”魔术师非常愤怒，但他不能做任何事，毕竟那是船长的鹦鹉。有一天，船出了事故沉没了。魔术师发现自己与鹦鹉在海洋中漂泊在同一块木板上。他们仇恨地盯着对方，但并没有说一个字。这种情况持续了一天，然后又一天。最后，一个星期后，鹦鹉说：“好吧，我放弃了。船在哪儿呢？”
