赵忠祥的七律

打印 被阅读次数

早听说有中华好诗词节目, 上网发现赵忠祥先生是节目的"大学士". 看了 几节, 后来一路回看到第一节. 开场赵先生读了首自己的七律如下. 

赵忠祥

万马悲嘶夺一门,惊涛怒吼浪狂喷。奔雷湖口今吟唱,黄水河腰亘古浑。血溅沙场除敌寇,气冲霄汉保儿孙。英雄今日又相聚,正气高歌中国魂。

赵先生在首场选读这首, 应该是自己的最佳作品之一娄. 但我读后很难"恭维". 

首先我们说七律有八句之多, 有 足够空间展开的. 这里 没有. 总体上没写开, 也没聚焦. 个体上没有前人未有过的属于自己的句字. 两副对联缺少对比度, 也对的非常勉强. 严格要求, 就是没对上.  

看来在台上指点别人行, 属于眼高手底.

第三句"今吟唱", 既重了最后一句"正气高歌", 也重了第七句"今日". 不能不说是大败笔. 

再回到基本格律. 按中华新韵, 四处出律, 按平水,  有一处错. 看来先生是按平水写的. 共同错误是第七句的第五字"又"字应平. 避免不了吗? 改起来其实很容易: 英雄相聚今朝又,既纠了出律, 也增添了诗意. 

 

仄平平仄仄平(韵), 仄仄平平(韵)
仄平平仄,  仄仄平平仄仄平(韵)
平平仄仄, 平仄仄平平(韵)
仄平平仄, 仄仄平平仄仄平(韵)

 
-----例子-----(陆游《书愤》)
早岁那知世事艰,  中原北望气如山
楼船夜雪瓜洲渡,  铁马秋风大散关
塞上长城空自许,  镜中衰鬓已先斑
出师一表真名世, 千载谁堪伯仲间。

 

   

登录后才可评论.
Logo

Looks like your ad blocker is on.

×

We rely on ads to keep creating quality content for you to enjoy for free.

Please support our site by disabling your ad blocker.

Continue without supporting us

Choose your Ad Blocker

  • Adblock Plus
  • Adblock
  • Adguard
  • Ad Remover
  • Brave
  • Ghostery
  • uBlock Origin
  • uBlock
  • UltraBlock
  • Other
  1. In the extension bar, click the AdBlock Plus icon
  2. Click the large blue toggle for this website
  3. Click refresh
  1. In the extension bar, click the AdBlock icon
  2. Under "Pause on this site" click "Always"
  1. In the extension bar, click on the Adguard icon
  2. Click on the large green toggle for this website
  1. In the extension bar, click on the Ad Remover icon
  2. Click "Disable on This Website"
  1. In the extension bar, click on the orange lion icon
  2. Click the toggle on the top right, shifting from "Up" to "Down"
  1. In the extension bar, click on the Ghostery icon
  2. Click the "Anti-Tracking" shield so it says "Off"
  3. Click the "Ad-Blocking" stop sign so it says "Off"
  4. Refresh the page
  1. In the extension bar, click on the uBlock Origin icon
  2. Click on the big, blue power button
  3. Refresh the page
  1. In the extension bar, click on the uBlock icon
  2. Click on the big, blue power button
  3. Refresh the page
  1. In the extension bar, click on the UltraBlock icon
  2. Check the "Disable UltraBlock" checkbox
  1. Please disable your Ad Blocker
  2. Disable any DNS blocking tools such as AdGuardDNS or NextDNS

If the prompt is still appearing, please disable any tools or services you are using that block internet ads (e.g. DNS Servers).

Logo