1 斯威夫特博士与小厮
A wealthy old lady who lived near Dr. Swift used to send him presents occasionally by her servant. Dr. Swift took her presents but never gave the boy anything for his trouble. One day as Swift was busy with his writing, the boy rushed into his room, knocked some books out of their place, threw his parcel on the desk and said, “My mistress has sent you two of her rabbits.”
Swift turned round and said, “My boy, that is not the way to deliver your parcel. Now, you sit in my chair, watch my way of doing it and learn your lesson. ”
The boy sat down. Swift went out, knocked on his door and waited. The boy said, “Come in.” The doctor entered, walked to his desk and said, “If you please sir, my mistress sends her kind regards and hopes you will accept these rabbits which her son shot this morning in her fields.”
The boy answered, “Thank you, my boy, give your mistress and her son my thanks for their kindness and here is two shillings for yourself.”
The doctor laughed, and after that, Swift never forgot to give the boy his tip.
在斯威夫特博士家附近，有一位富有的老妇人，她时常打发仆人给他送礼物。斯威夫特博士接受她的礼物，但从不给小厮任何酬谢。一天，斯威夫特博士正忙着写东西，小厮冲进了他的房间，把书一扒拉，将一个包裹扔在书桌上，说道：我的女主人送给你两只兔子。
斯威夫特转过身来说：孩子，包裹可不是这样送法呀。现在，你坐在我的椅子上，看看我是怎么送的，并要记取这个教训。
小厮坐了下来，斯威夫特走出去，敲了敲门，等待回音。小厮说进来。博士进了门，走到桌旁说道：先生，我的女主人向您致以亲切的问候，并希望您收下这些兔子，这是她儿子今天早晨在地里打的。
小厮回答说：谢谢你，我的孩子。向你的女主人和她的儿子致谢，谢谢他们的关心。这两个先令是送给你本人的。
博士笑了，打那以后，斯威夫特从没忘记送小费给小厮。
2 到底谁更满足
A person with six children or a person with $6 million, who is more satisfied? Why?
The person with six children of course. Because the one with $6 million wants more.
一个有六个孩子的人和一个有600万美元的人，谁更满足?为什么?
当然是有六个孩子的那个，因为有600万美元那个还想要得更多。
3 你娶了我的妈妈
Little boy: Daddy, I want to get married.
Father jokingly said: Oh! Who did you have in mind?
Little boy: Grandma.
Father: Wait a minute, you did not think I'd let you marry my mother, did you?
Little boy: Why not? You married mine.
小男孩：爸爸，我想结婚。
爸爸打趣地问道：噢!谁是你心中合适的人选?
小男孩：奶奶。
爸爸：等一下，你认为我会让你娶我的妈妈?
小男孩：为什么不?你娶了我的妈妈。
4 怎么回事儿
Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny?
Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.
Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?
Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won.
汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗?
约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。
汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿?
约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。
5 炸鸡
In class the teacher showed pictures of various birds. Then he asked one of the students, "What kind of bird do you like best, Jack?"
Jack thought a moment, then answered, "Fried chicken, sir."
老师在课堂上向学生们展示了各种各样的鸟的照片。然后他问其中一名学生，“杰克，你最喜欢哪种鸟儿啊?”
杰克想了想，回答，“炸鸡，老师。”
6 新西兰的气候/The Climate of New Zealand
Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand?
Matthew: Very Cold, sir.
Teacher: Wrong.
Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!
老师：马修，新西兰的气候怎么样?
马修：先生，那里的天气很冷。
老师：错了。
马修：可是，先生!从那儿运来的猪肉都冻得硬邦邦的。
祝大家春节快乐！万事如意！心想事成！身体健康！鸡年大吉！
