Google used this framework to turn conflict into strength.
Steal it to level up your conversations.
The Harvard Negotiation Project analyzed thousands of tough conversations.
Google used it to teach how to work with conflict effectively inside the company.
This is my favorite step-by-step guide to navigating difficult conversations effectively:
1?? Content: Start with curiosity. Ask, “What really happened?” Avoid clashing perspectives by understanding first.
2?? Feelings: Recognize emotions. Ask, “How did this make me feel?” Ignoring emotions stops progress; acknowledging them creates space for solutions.
3?? Identity: Focus on actions, not labels. Swap “You’re confusing” with “This behavior made me feel confused.” Behavior-based feedback feels constructive, not personal.
4?? Problem-Solve Together: Use Dr. John Gottman’s “Two Circle” approach:
Center Circle: Respect each other’s non-negotiables.
Outer Circle: Find a compromise on negotiable points.
Why it Works: Pause the urge to “fix” immediately. People need to feel understood first—then they’ll be open to solutions.
Tough conversations don’t get easy, but this framework helps make them productive.
What strategies do you use for difficult conversations?
Let me know in the comments
? Repost this to help other leaders.
And follow Matt Schnuck for more.
Steal it to level up your conversations.
The Harvard Negotiation Project analyzed thousands of tough conversations.
Google used it to teach how to work with conflict effectively inside the company.
This is my favorite step-by-step guide to navigating difficult conversations effectively:
1?? Content: Start with curiosity. Ask, “What really happened?” Avoid clashing perspectives by understanding first.
2?? Feelings: Recognize emotions. Ask, “How did this make me feel?” Ignoring emotions stops progress; acknowledging them creates space for solutions.
3?? Identity: Focus on actions, not labels. Swap “You’re confusing” with “This behavior made me feel confused.” Behavior-based feedback feels constructive, not personal.
4?? Problem-Solve Together: Use Dr. John Gottman’s “Two Circle” approach:
Center Circle: Respect each other’s non-negotiables.
Outer Circle: Find a compromise on negotiable points.
Why it Works: Pause the urge to “fix” immediately. People need to feel understood first—then they’ll be open to solutions.
Tough conversations don’t get easy, but this framework helps make them productive.
What strategies do you use for difficult conversations?
Let me know in the comments
? Repost this to help other leaders.
And follow Matt Schnuck for more.
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Shengwen Calvin Li, PhD,FRSB,FRSM,FSX,EIC
Editor-in-Chief, WJSC (IF 5.326)Behavior-specifically-based feedback feels constructive, not personal. Neither speculating nor reasoning intentional—both might hit a brick wall defense—shall be in place to judge the outcomes, as it might be purely accidental, the absence of mind, going through motion.
Sahil Bloom • Following
Exploring my curiosity and sharing what I learn along the way.This is outstanding. Wish I'd have had this framework years ago. So helpful.
2 Replies on Sahil Bloom’s comment
Colin Nekritz • 3rd+
Marketing and brand strategist with a global portfolio of work, a list of over a thousand funders, and a productivity app in the works for neurodivergent types.Diane P. Munson your account is less than 24 hours old, you have no followers, but sure, go on about your scam while we report you.
Daniel Arantes • 3rd+
Technology | Marketing | C-Level | Investor | Strategic Advisor | Mentor (Executives & Startups’ Development) | Board DirectorIt really works. I’ve been using this approach, and the emphasis on ensuring understanding before problem-solving is a crucial step that can truly make the difference in turning conflict into an opportunity for growth. Ultimately, it’s not about avoiding conflict but about learning to navigate it with respect and openness, which strengthens relationships and builds trust over time.
2 Replies on Daniel Arantes’ comment
Matt SchnuckAuthor
A founder helping founders unlock potential. Follow for posts about Inflections in business and life. 10x founder, 3 exits.Daniel, using this approach promotes a culture of respect and collaboration.
Daniel Arantes • 3rd+
Technology | Marketing | C-Level | Investor | Strategic Advisor | Mentor (Executives & Startups’ Development) | Board DirectorThanks for sharing Matt!
Anne Catillaz • 3rd+
Leadership Development, Positive Intelligence® Coach, Facilitator, and SpeakerI think we often get lost looking for a win versus looking for both parties to win. I love the simplicity of this framework because it supports the win / win. Thank you Matt Schnuck
3 Replies on Anne Catillaz’s comment
Matt SchnuckAuthor
A founder helping founders unlock potential. Follow for posts about Inflections in business and life. 10x founder, 3 exits.Anne, focusing on win/win outcomes is key to building better relationships.
Anne Catillaz • 3rd+
Leadership Development, Positive Intelligence® Coach, Facilitator, and SpeakerAgreed! Stealing this framework as you suggested. The simplicity is much appreciated.
Alex Myers • 3rd+
Results-Driven Leader | Team Builder | Tech Enthusiast | On a mission to transform teams into productive engines by leveraging technologyCourageous conversations begin with a framework that identifies past, present, and future opportunities.
3 Replies on Alex Myers’ comment
Matt SchnuckAuthor
A founder helping founders unlock potential. Follow for posts about Inflections in business and life. 10x founder, 3 exits.Alex, having a clear framework sets the stage for productive dialogue and meaningful progress.
Alex Myers • 3rd+
Results-Driven Leader | Team Builder | Tech Enthusiast | On a mission to transform teams into productive engines by leveraging technologyMatt I agree 100%. Too many managers fail to grasp this concept. That’s why they never progress to “Leader” status.
Michael Toebe • 3rd+
Trust, Relationship, Reputation: Analyst, Consultant, Advisor and CommunicationsSlide 3: the feelings and identity are where life gets hard, whether we're in a one-down or one-up position or feel that we are. The masters know how critical learning (and its extremely challenging) how to traversd 2 & 3 are for productive conversations and movement towards conflict management or resolution: personal, work, business, social issues, politics.
1 Comment on Michael Toebe’s comment
Matt SchnuckAuthor
A founder helping founders unlock potential. Follow for posts about Inflections in business and life. 10x founder, 3 exits.Michael, navigating feelings and identity can be the toughest part of conversations.
Kunal Punjabi • 3rd+
Chief Product Officer - I help tech companies build better products and teamsStarting every conversation with genuine curiosity, empathy and understanding is everything, and is the key to resolving so many conflicts Matt Schnuck. Also, the framing of Content / Feelings / Identity is gold.
2 Replies on Kunal Punjabi’s comment
Matt SchnuckAuthor
A founder helping founders unlock potential. Follow for posts about Inflections in business and life. 10x founder, 3 exits.Kunal, that approach lays the groundwork for meaningful dialogue.
Kunal Punjabi • 3rd+
Chief Product Officer - I help tech companies build better products and teams
Thomas De Bruyne • 3rd+
Unlocking opportunities through Leadership, Emerging Tech, and ScienceLaura Kyttanen looks like they borrowed some concepts from Zielo
1 Comment on Thomas De Bruyne’s comment
Matt SchnuckAuthor
A founder helping founders unlock potential. Follow for posts about Inflections in business and life. 10x founder, 3 exits.Thomas, borrowing from effective frameworks can enhance communication strategies.
Peter Shallard • 3rd+
The Shrink for Entrepreneurs | Founder & CEO of Commit Action: Accountability Coaching for entrepreneurs who want to get clarity, move faster & grow their businesses like crazy.You can level up your relationships with this technique, too:
When you have a problem with someone, call out their problematic behavior (vs calling out what’s wrong with their identity).
This makes you into a much kinder and more effective communicator in your most intimate relationships.
When you have a problem with someone, call out their problematic behavior (vs calling out what’s wrong with their identity).
This makes you into a much kinder and more effective communicator in your most intimate relationships.
1 Comment on Peter Shallard’s comment
Matt SchnuckAuthor
A founder helping founders unlock potential. Follow for posts about Inflections in business and life. 10x founder, 3 exits.Peter, focusing on behavior instead of identity promotes a more supportive and constructive dialogue.
Jennifer Dunne • 3rd+
Helping visionaries achieve real change by aligning their goals and values | 90-Day Vision to Reality program $1997 | Gain clarity & improve decision-making | Compassion Key certified | Gently dissolve mental blocksConflict resolution is so important for long-term success, Matt Schnuck. Too many businesses and personal relationships sweep small stuff under the rug, with everyone just walking around the giant mound in the rug, until it's so huge, it can no longer be ignored. And boy oh boy, is it hard to avoid identity statements at that point!
1 Comment on Jennifer Dunne’s comment
Matt SchnuckAuthor
A founder helping founders unlock potential. Follow for posts about Inflections in business and life. 10x founder, 3 exits.Jennifer, addressing conflicts early on prevents bigger issues down the line.
Kara Moll • 3rd+
Transforming leaders into communication masters. Teaching YOU to turn words into catalysts for breakthrough business results. Exec Communication & Sales Trainer, Neuro Performance Coach, Speaker, EWTS Guide. ?When the heat is on, change your approach from arguing to collaborating.
That’s where real change begins.
As Winston Churchill put it, “Difficulties mastered are opportunities won.” It may be hard, but that's what makes it meaningful.
That’s where real change begins.
As Winston Churchill put it, “Difficulties mastered are opportunities won.” It may be hard, but that's what makes it meaningful.
1 Comment on Kara Moll’s comment
Matt SchnuckAuthor
A founder helping founders unlock potential. Follow for posts about Inflections in business and life. 10x founder, 3 exits.Kara, embracing challenges transforms them into valuable opportunities.
