This morning I called him and left a message and told him I wanted to see him today. I had two three meetings and the last one ended at 4:30PM. I could not wait until the student left so that I could wait for his call. He called around 4:45pm and in ten minutes he came. I waited for him at the parking lot where he used to pick me up at 4:55pm and soon his car arrived and I was so happy to see him. I entered his car immediately and he started to tell me what happened in the last two days about his meeting in another city. The meeting went very well and I could tell he was relieved and pretty happy. But I saw two dark circles under his eyes. He must be under extreme stress in the past couple of days. He drove to a nearby McDonald and got himself an icecream. He did most of the talking this afternoon and I could not keep my hand off him. I touched his neck, his shoulder, and his hands. He put his hand on my leg and held my hand. We had only one hour because I needed to leave at 6pm. Before I left his car, I asked him "Can I kiss you?" in my usual nonchelant way. He immediately leaned closer to me, and started to kiss me very passionately. We kissed about 10 minutes and I really needed to leave. We decided to meet tomorrow and he said he could come to my house but did not know when. He will call me tomorrow morning. I cannot wait until he comes. I miss him very much. I think I never missed a man as I miss him. Maybe as much as when I missed my first love. I must be really madly in love with him. But he is not available and I do not want to destroy his family. I want him to be happy. His happiness is mine. I can just be his lover as long as our passion is still there. Who knows when the passion will be gone? But who cares when it will be gone? "We have tonight, who needs tomorrow? We got tonight, why don't you stay?" If I have this short moment of being with him in my life, I am very happy. I cannot ask for more, and cannot be greedy. If we are meant together, we will. But not now. Maybe after life? Maybe eventually someday he found out how much I love him, and all his responsibilities are fulfilled, and he will come to me and we will love each other freely.
