与梦想无关

终于要移师苏州了。心里有很多欢喜。也有一点点的不甘心。但是要和家人团聚的欲望是那样强烈,以至于我终于做出了我的选择。
其实我不过是一直在上海工作。但是我厌倦了每周的来来回回,厌倦了漂泊的感觉。想要安定。讨厌租住别人的房子。讨厌看房东的脸色。
工作不是我想要的。我是曾经对自己有很高期望的人。但是现在明白了,生存最重要。因为要买房子了。住在自己的房子里,买个木头制的大浴盆,看看小说,发发呆。能够每天给自己起床的理由,也是好的。我希望自己不要太把自己当回事。工作,不过聊以为生的东西,和理想无关。理想也不过是虚荣的理由,和现实无关。
曾经的理想是做一个银行家。为此,曾经发奋图强,呕心沥血地去考复旦国际金融的研究生。考了两次,都名落孙山。我告诉自己,第二次考研,就是我的梦想的结束或者开始。我最终没有再给自己任何机会。
这篇文章写得好沉闷啊。我自己都觉得低落。

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