我的Love That Cat又重新进行了修改,我已将最新版本贴出。
Love That Cat在一年前写成,可以说已经修改了无数遍,改的过程对于我来说就象是铁杵磨绣花针,但每次,改好了几个句子哪怕是几个字都十分高兴。
请看我最近的一次修改。
A.我把我的故事给一些人看过,有人提出funny和she不压韵,但也有人说它们压韵。压韵与否取决于读者funny一词的念法,如果ny念的重而长就压韵,短而轻就不压韵。为改此处,我累死了不少脑细胞,因为与funny 压韵的词很少,只有bunny,sunny几个。最后,我改成下面新的句子,我很得意,觉得改得很巧妙。
(11) (old)
This Canadian cat
Looked a little funny.
Her nose was black and white.
She’s a clown, isn’t she?
(11) (new)
This Canadian cat
Looked so funny to me.
Her nose was black and white.
She’s a clown, isn’t she?
B. 原来为保证四句的音节数都是6,将My dad made a good joke to her一句断开,To her放入了第四句中。现在新的句子解决了这个问题。
(12) (old)
One of her legs was black
And three of them were white.
My dad made a good joke
To her, with a delight.
(12) (new)
One of her legs was black
And three of them were white.
Dad made a joke to her.
Mimi is a delight.
C. 我不喜欢That, I was worried about.这句,我一直想改,这次,终于改好了。
(17) (old)
During the very first day,
I didn’t see her come out.
Was she hungry or thirsty?
That, I was worried about.
(17) (new)
During the very first day,
I didn’t see my new cat.
Was she hungry or thirsty?
I was worried about that.
D. 这个verse的修改是此次修改中的纠错修改。原来黑白猫Mimi的眼睛是light ocean blue,眼仁是black。我在一次读的时候突然觉得吃不准,黑白猫的眼睛能否是是light ocean blue?我查了书,在网上看了很多图片,没有发现黑白猫的眼睛是蓝的,白猫才有蓝的,所以,我进行了修改。
(54) (old)
Like beautiful round marbles,
Mimi’s two eyes always shine.
They were light ocean blue but
The pupils were black like mine.
(54) (new)
Like beautiful round marbles,
Mimi’s two eyes always shine.
They were golden yellow but
The pupils were black like mine.