When are you too old to marry young?
By Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz
Over the years, we have been asked if the age differential between people contemplating marriage really matters. Our answer - it depends!
In our thousands of interviews on six continents of the world, we have learned this - when you are truly in love, your age and the age of the one you love really doesn't matter for the most part. But there is a reality to this notion as well. There are circumstances when the difference in age does matter.
When you are 17, contemplating marriage to someone who is 47, marriage is probably not a good idea. The life experiences of a 17-year old are very, very different from a person who is 47!
Our experience tells us that the closer in age two people in love are, the greater their chances of Building a Love That Lasts. Whether it is one year, five years, ten, or more, true love trumps everything else. The question really is more about "How do you know your are in love" versus "How old is the one you love?" Being IN love is far more important than an age difference between two people who purport to love each other.
Here is a recent example of what we are talking about. Mark and Susan are 48 and 37 respectively. Both are divorced. We can honestly say they both experienced terribly bad first marriages. The good news, Mark and Susan have discovered each other!
Listening to them describe their love affair is enlightening and uplifting. They are redefining "Date Night!" These two not only love each other, they have learned what it feels like to be respected by one another, trust each other, be honest with each other and value each other as human beings.
In the beginning, they were cautious about their age difference. No longer! Now, they are focused on their love for each other. Their respective ages do not matter.
So, what have we learned about age differences from our three decades of research? When the difference is greater than ten years the "success rate" starts to go down. In other words, it is generally true that the smaller the difference in ages, the greater the chance of having a successful marriage.
However, there are no magic elixirs when it comes to love. Being in love is more important than age. Age is relative. Age matters far less in a relationship than love. Love is timeless, of that you can be sure.
For hundreds of practical tips to strengthen your love, get the best-selling and multiple-award winning book Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage (Jossey-Bass/Wiley 2010) Available wherever books are sold. Learn more about America's #1 Love and Marriage Experts
