“ 丹尼斯顿 1896 年去世时 , 戴德生对他的妻子说 : “ 他的一次讲道是我做决定方法的一个转折点 .”
当时戴德生带全家回到英国养病 , 同时拿他的医学学位 . 后来他在英国征集人手 , 组织他们进入中国内地宣教 . 但资金很有限 , 内地条件艰苦 , 又有危险 . 戴德生一家以前都是完全仰望神的保守 . 现在他要带这些基督徒去到内地 , 感到责任重大 , 为他们的安全 , 信仰成长 , 以及这个计划成败忧虑重重 , 难下决心 . 这时他正好去这个教会 .
“ 那一刻情况似乎变得更糟 . 当所有会众站起来唱最后一首诗歌时 , 戴德生四下一望 , 一排接一排富有 , 蓄着络腮胡的商人 , 店主 , 访问者 ; 端庄的妻子们穿着长裙 , 戴着帽子 ; 早就被教训好 , 懂得如何掩饰不耐烦的孩子们 . 这种自鸣得意的虔诚氛围令他作呕 . 戴德生抓起帽子离开 .’ 不能忍受看着这一千 , 甚至更多的基督徒会众在他们自己已被保证的得救里面快乐庆祝 , 而上百万的人却因没有听到福音而正走向灭亡 . 我独自在海滩漫步 , 灵魂受着极大的煎熬 .’
1865 年周日早上主日崇拜时间的布赖顿海滩人迹罕见 . 戴德生走下去 , 穿过鹅卵石的部分 , 来到一条窄窄的落潮形成的沙地 . 到了必须做决定的时候了 . 转折点到来 , 他必须行动 , 不然就彻底放弃 .
他满心抑郁和恐惧地跋涉在沙地 , 转过一个弯 , 眼前出现了光亮透明的大海 . 忽然他想到了天堂 .
‘ 好吧 , 如果神赐给我这一班人去中国内地 , 他们去了 , 就算全都饿死 , 那么他们也只会直接进入天堂 . 而如果有一个中国灵魂因此计划被拯救 , 是不是也值得 ?’ 他继续走着 , 稍微开心了一点 . 他站住了 , 想起丹尼斯顿讲道里一个可爱的观点 .’ 哎呀 ,’ 他自言自语道 ,’ 如果我们顺从上帝的旨意 , 那么责任是在他身上 , 而不是我们 !’
‘ 您 , 主啊 ! 您将负起这些重担 . 所有的责任您都肩起 , 主耶稣 ! 我降服在您面前 . 所有的结果也是您来承担 . 您将指挥 , 保守 , 引导我 , 还有那些和我同工的人们 . 我决定告诉这些同工出发 .’
他从胳膊下面抽出圣经 , 这是一本希伯来语和英语 , 希腊语和英语的对照圣经 , 设计成一年读完 , 一天两章的进度 . 他在扉页写下 :’ 为 24 位熟练的自愿同工祷告 , 布赖顿 ,1865 年 6 月 25 日 .
全然的喜乐和平安 . 我感觉好像可以飞到山上皮尔斯先生的房子去 . 那天晚上我真的睡着了 ! 我亲爱的妻子认为布赖顿在我身上成就了奇迹 , 而它正是成就了 .’
神是一个奇妙的神 , 他常常安排适当的人在适当的时候帮助我们 , 这样的事太多了 , 并不仅仅发生在戴德生身上 . 神奇妙地开人的眼 , 令他们在纠结许久的问题上豁然开朗 . 神从不给我们多过可以承受的试炼 , 他要我们把自己所不能的全部交托 , 由他承担 . 但他的确常常给人试炼 , 是为历练我们的信心 , 让我们更进一步地认识他 .
现在我们都懂得了这一点 , 可是在戴德生的时代 , 他们都是在困苦和绝望里才学到这些 . 只有到了无能为力的时候 , 人才会转向神求救 .
“ 戴德生的基督徒服事从来就不是一个自私的获取天恩的计划 , 而是谦卑而衷心的对耶稣救恩体验的感谢 . 布赖顿海滩的经历后这样的服事有了更深的意义 .
…….
戴德生的自省给他带来折磨 , 但他对命令的服从 , 他对神启示的认知又一次使他的路上充满了光 . 他此时知道神在乎他的恐惧 , 允许他们参与神的计划 ; 神了解一切 . 因此戴德生脑子里最主要的感觉就是他是在一种爱的关系当中服事 , 他比以往任何时候都清楚这一点 . 神呼召了他 , 他把自己呈上作为神手中的一个器皿 : 神可以用他做任何想做的事 , 也会负起责任带领他 . 而神是他的天父 . 是一个天父呼召了他 , 一个爱他如此之切的天父 , 不能允许他有半点缺乏 .
籍着耶稣作为中保 , 戴德生和神有直接的交流 – 来获取智慧 , 力量 , 供应 . 以这样的确信他才能面对任何历险 . 当时他还不能分析这些 , 但却是他勇气的来源 . 他情不自禁地信靠神 , 因为信靠就是一个孩子对他全智 , 全爱 , 全能的天父的信赖 .
……
在内心深处 , 戴德生是个需要照顾的孩子 , 日常生活中没有了天父的关爱 , 和圣灵同在的意识 , 他就会迷失 . 而在这世上 , 没有了玛利亚 , 他也会迷失 .
而就是这样他成就了伟大 . 对这个世界来说 , 他是一个虚弱的动物 – 体形羸弱 , 没有有权力的朋友 , 几乎就是一个乞丐 . 但他把自己全部托付给神 , 变成了至高者的器皿 . 他的智力 , 他的意志力 , 他依附于神的力量 , 他的魅力 , 他激发和养育情感及忠实的能力 , 都被那神圣的一位触到 ; 令他的伟大远大过他所有能力的总和 .
他并不知晓 , 在 1865 年 6 月的最后几天 , 神怎样计划赐给他这些同工以及方法来向中国内地传福音 . 但是戴德生一点也不怀疑神会安排 .”
其实就是这样 , 我们人都是软弱和渺小的 , 只有将自己交托在神手里 , 信靠他的大能 , 公义和慈爱 , 我们才由软弱变坚强 , 只有接通了神无尽的爱与能力的泉源 , 我们才真正能够成就神的计划 . 一切都在神手里 , 是基督徒内心平安 , 和力量的来源 . 戴德生在四年后通过他的同工彻底认识到这一点 .
“ 他读到了一封来自约翰麦卡锡的信 , 这是一封长信 , 写于戴德生走后的一两天内 . 戴德生读着读着 , 注意力越来越集中 ,’ 我好像 ,’ 麦卡锡写道 ,’ 看到辉煌一天的到来 , 东方破晓的第一丝微光 …… 我似乎啜到那真正可以令我满足的琼浆 .’ 麦卡锡找到了他们一直苦苦追寻的道理 . 戴德生再次读信 ,’ 了解到我亲爱的救赎主在我里面实行他的意愿 …… 所以遵守他 , 而不要凭自己努力 , 挣扎 ……’
戴德生读到最后一段 ’ 不要凭自己努力去得到信仰 , 抑或凭自己去增强信仰 , 仰望那一位信实的神是我们所有需要做的 . 完全安歇在爱我们的神里面 , 此时 , 永远 . 这对我来说并不是什么新鲜事 , 只是以前误解了 .’
戴德生惊讶于自己会如此盲目 . 他的眼被大大地打开 , 就像 20 年前在巴恩斯利 .4 年前在布赖顿那样 , 内心长久的挣扎在一瞬间消融 .’ 我读着信 , 完全明白了 ,’ 不管我们相信与否 , 他的信实都长存于此 .’ 我凝神耶稣 , 我看到 ( 当我看到 , 哦 , 喜乐如此流淌在我心里 ) 他说过 ,’ 我永远也不撇下你们 .’’ 这之后戴德生用可以描述的最短时间领会了他无需挣扎来得到力量和平安 , 而只要安歇在基督的力量和平安里面 .’ 我一直在徒劳挣扎想要安住在他里面 . 我不再挣扎了 . 因为他不是已经承诺了与我同在 – 永不撇下我 , 永不令我失望 ?’ ‘ 得到 ’ 这些的努力正是人的错误 .
‘ 我与基督合一 ,’ 他匆匆把镇江的人聚集在一起 , 读麦卡锡的信 , 并讲述这个美好的发现时大声喊道 ,’ 拼命努力从神那里得到全部完全是错的 . 我就是他的一部分 . 我们每个人都是耶稣身体的一个部分 , 是葡萄藤的一个枝子 . 啊 , 想想这是多么美好的事 , 能和一个复活的救赎主成为真正一体 .’ 几周以后他用同样的一些话写信给他在英国的妹妹艾美利亚 , 详细说明了他这么长时间都没明白的真理 :’ 想想这说明什么 ! 当基督富有时 , 我怎么可能贫穷 ? 当你的右手富有时 , 左手怎么会贫穷 ? 或者你的头饱足时而你的身体却在挨饿 ?’
戴德生得到了真正永恒的力量和心底的安宁 , 在他寻求神 , 为神做工的路上 , 神将一切显明给他 . 他从此更加得力 , 在中国结出了令人欣喜的果子 .
1905 年 6 月 3 日 , 戴德生在湖南长沙去世，埋葬在镇江长江边上，与原配妻子玛莉亚和 4 个孩子合葬。他把他的一生和家庭都奉献给神，奉献给中国。他的墓碑上写着： “ 他一生常在基督里 (A MAN IN CHRIST)”. 他的后代一直在中国宣教 , 实现了他所说 : “ 我和我一家，我们必定事奉耶和华 ”
戴德生 =>> 戴存仁,戴存义 =>> 戴永冕 =>> 戴绍曾 =>> 戴继宗 . 每一代都是自己蒙召做了牧师 , 并不是秉承父命 .
解放以后中国政府驱逐宣教士 , 戴家转到新加坡 , 香港继续致力于神的事业 , 戴继宗牧师现居台湾 . 他是戴家第一个娶了华人 ( 柯悦敏 ) 做妻子的 . 他有三个儿子 : 戴承约 , 戴承书 , 戴承亚 ( 来自圣经人物约书亚 ). 目前三个儿子还未全职事奉神 , 戴继宗说 : “ 我不會勉強他們，這是勉強不來的，他們必需自己在神面前領受和順服。 ”
戴德生的一生是跟随神 , 认识神和经历神的一生 . 给后人无尽的启示和鼓励 . 我也是其中受益的一人 . 在此努力翻译讲述自己的理解和感受 , 希望更多人从中得益 . 即使是有一人因此愿意认识我们伟大的主 , 那也就值得了 .
感谢赞美主!一切荣耀归给他!
完
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原文
Taylor told Mrs. Denniston on her husband’s death in 1896 that “a sermon from him was the turning point in my decision.”
At the moment it seemed to worsen the situation. As the full congregation rose to sing the last hymn, Taylor looked around. Pew upon pew of prosperous, bearded merchants, shopkeepers, visitors; demure wives in bonnets and crinolines, scrubbed children trained to hide their impatience; the atmosphere of smug piety sickened him. He seized his hat and left. “Unable to bear the sight of a congregation of a thousand or more Christian people rejoicing in their own security, while millions were perishing for lack of knowledge, I wandered out on the sands alone, in great spiritual agony.”
Brighton beach at church time on Sunday morning in 1865 was almost deserted. Taylor walked down across the shingle to the narrow strip of sand left by the receding tide. Decision no longer could be averted. Breaking point had come. He must go forward, or else for ever hold his peace.
He trudged the sands in gloom and fear. As he turned, his eye took in the glassy sea. He thought suddenly of heaven. “Well, if God gives us a band of men for inland China, and they go, and all die of starvation even, they will only be taken straight to heaven. And if one heathen soul is saved would it not be worth while?” He walked on, a trifle more cheerful. He stopped, recalling some taking point of Denniston’s sermon. “Why,” he said to himself, “If we are obeying the Lord, the responsibility rests with Him, not with us!”
“Thou, Lord! Thou shalt have the burden. All the responsibility lies on thee, Lord Jesus! I surrender. The consequences rest with Thee. Thou shalt direct, care for, guide me, and those who labour with me. I will ask for the workers to come forward.”
He took his Bible from under his arm, a parallel Bible of Hebrew and English, Greek and English, designed to give two chapters for each day of the year. On the fly leaf he wrote:”Prayed for twenty-four willing skilful labourers at Brighton, June 25 1865.”
“All was joy and peace. I felt as if I could fly up the hill to Mr. Pearse’s House. And how I did sleep that night! My dear wife thought Brighton had done wonders for me, so it had.”
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Hudson Taylor’s Christian service had never been a selfish scheming to curry divine favor,but a humble and hearty thanks for the experience of redemption by Christ. After Brighton beach this service took on a deeper tone.
Hudson’s self-searchings had sent him into agonies, but once again his acceptance of a command, his recognition of a revelation, had thrust him forward in a burst of light on his path. He know now that God cared about his fears and had allowed for them in shaping His plan; God understood. The dominant feeling in Hudson’s mind, therefore, more than ever before, was that he served in a relationship of love. God had called him and he had yielded himself as an instrument in God’s hands: God could do what He liked with him and would be responsible for directing him. But God was his Father. It was a Father who had called him, a Father who loved him so much that He could not allow him to lack anything.
Trough Christ at his side Hudson had immediate access to God – for wisdom, for strength, for supply. With that certainty he could face any adventure and this, though he would not have analyzed it, was the spring of his courage. He could not help having faith, for faith was merely the trust of a child in an all-wise, all-loving, all-powered Father. At heart, Hudson was a child who needed looking after, who would be lost without the daily care of his Father and the consciousness of the Spirit of Christ, Justas, on the hum plain, he was lost without Maria.
And thus Hudson Taylor reached greatness. To the world he was a feeble creature – of weedy physique, without powerful friends, almost a pauper. But he had thrown himself on God, had become an instrument of the Most High. His intelligence, his will power and sticking power, his charm, his capacity to inspire and foster affection and loyalty, had all been touched by the divine; he had become greater than the sum of his parts.
He had no idea, in the last days of June 1865, how God planned to give him the men or means to evangelize inland China. But Hudson had not the slightest doubt that He would.
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Hw came upon one from John McCarthy, written a day or two after Hudson had left. It was a long letter. He read on and on, attention riveted. “I seem,” McCarthy wrote, “as if the first glimmer of the dawn of a glorious day has risen upon me…… I seem to have sipped only of that which can fully satisfy.” McCarhty had found the secret they sought. Hudson looked at the letter again. “To tell my loving Saviour work in me His will…… Abiding, not striving or struggling….”
Hudson came to the last paragraph. “Not a striving to have faith, or to increase our faith but a looking at the faithful one seems all we need. A resting in the loved one entirely, for time, for eternity. It does not appear to me as anything new, only formerly misunderstood.”
Hudson was amazed at his own blindness. His eyes opened wide. As in Barnsley twenty years before, as at Brighton four years before, a long inward struggle resolved in a split second. ‘As I read I saw it all. “If we believe not, He abideth faithful.’ And I looked into Jesus and saw (and when I saw, oh, how joy flowed) that He had said, ’I will never leave you.’” In shorter times than it took to describe afterwards Hudson grasped that he must not struggle to have strength or peace but rest in the strength and peace of Christ. “I have striven in vain to abide in Him. I’ll strive no ore. For has not He promised to abide with me – never to leave me, never to fail me?” The effort to “get it out” was a mistake.
“I am one with Christ,” he cried as he explained the glorious discovery to the whole Chinkiang household, hastily gathering them together and reading McCarth’s letter. “It was all a mistake to try and get the fullness out of Him. I am part of Him. Each of us is a limb of His body, a branch of the vine. Oh, think what a wonderful thing it is to be really one with a risen Saviour.” And in some such words as he wrote a few weeks later to his sister Amelia in England, he expounded the truth he had missed so long: “Think what it involves! Can Christ be rich and I poor? Can your right hand be rich and your left poor? Or you7r head well fed and your body starves?”
