11岁的小儿和他的小狗
宝弟的又一“力作”
11岁的宝弟上次那篇写自己真情实感，流畅简洁的得“A” 作文让老妈我高兴了好几下，今天他又拿回来一篇不仅也是“ A ”，而且让老妈我非常惊讶的“小说作品”（半成品）。
宝弟的老师给全班一个当年欧洲人登陆美国（其中一批西班牙人带来了一种病毒），他们初遇印第安人的大背景 。。。老师要大家写一篇以欧洲人或印第安人的眼光看对方，类似于日记的作文。 就是这么一个简单的“日记”，小儿发挥他的想象力，行云流水般地写下二篇生动，很有时代感（宝弟用了那个年代的英语及表达法）和画面感的文字，简直可以叫人以为是一个小说里的二个片段，老师看了也拍案叫好，写了一通好评。
下面是宝弟的“日记”作文：
Juliano Ferdinand （西班牙登陆者） ( Alas = At last Morrow= Tomorrow ...)
Alas! After six hard months of sailing and two unsuccessful mutinies, we have reached the
At arrival, a group of very dark skinned people stand before us. They wear beads and necklaces, and only loincloths as clothes. And are those gold rings upon their hands? I believe they are! Oh what envy those pesky Englishmen will feel when they see us come back to
Who seems to be the leader of the group steps forward and says a bunch of jibber jabbr that sounds like cocheta [stranger] and achak [spirit]. He holds out a necklace carving made of real solid gold of a figure shaped like a bear. I gladly accept it. He keeps speaking, but soon realizing that I don’t understand him, he motions for me to hang the necklace around my neck. I decide to humor him and I do what he requests.
We start trading. I give them hats and beads and they give us corn and squash. A small boy comes up to me and pokes me as if he doesn’t think I’m real! He won’t think that when he feels the real sting of a whip on his back! He calls me a chilaili [snowbird] and runs away yelling “Chilaili! Chilaili!”
After trading, we sit around the fire eating the best meal we’ve eaten in six months. Aemiliano suggests that when we enslave them on the morrow, we steal their food supplies as well. I laugh a hearty laugh and tell him I would consider it. While we eat, I notice a few of the women and children coughing and sneezing. Even one or two of the strong working men are looking a little sick. I wonder if there is a fever catching on and I decide to go to bed to prevent infection. I don’t want to be sick on the first day to the
........................................................................................................
Honiahaka [little wolf] （印第安小孩）
I’m playing with my friend Mojag [never silent] when mother tells me to come greet the newcomers. I wonder what newcomers she is talking about, but I follow her anyway.
When I see them, they look as light as spirits. The cochetas [strangers] smell like the foul big leaved plants our strong working men chew. They wear furs on their bodies so you can only see their hands and faces. I wonder if that’s how they got so pale. Our chief tells the spirits that if god sent them here to judge us, we will give them anything they want. The spirits don’t seem to understand. Their chief is staring at the rings on our fingers and smiling his white teeth. I think he looks like the snowbirds that appear in winter time. Our chief gives the snowbird a necklace of a machk [bear] as a peace offering. The snowbird’s eyes light up and he hastily takes it as if he's afraid our chief will change his mind. After our chief finally figures out that the spirits can't understand us, he motions for the snowbird to hang the necklace around his neck and the snowbird does so a little reluctantly.
When we start trading, I wonder if the snowbird is real since he looks as white as a ghost. I run up to him and I touch his skin. I guess that means he’s real. The snowbird scowls at me as if thinking of ways to hurt me so I run away yelling “Snowbird! Snowbird!”. Mother looks at me with that face that says “BE QUIET!” ,so I stop yelling
Around the campfire, I notice that the spirits are eating our food like if they stop, they will die. That makes me laugh. A very thin spirit with a distrustful face walks over to the snowbird and whispers something into snowbird's ear. The snowbird laughs such a loud laugh, all the villagers look up. I notice mother heading toward our longhouse and I follow her. I ask her why she left dinner so early. She tells me she isn’t feeling well and she needs rest. I lie down next to her and before I know it, I’m asleep.
-----------------------------------------------------
老师评语：
Daodi:
Loved your word choice! Words such as”…climb into the rowboats in anticipation…” and “…when we enslave them on the morrow…” capture the authentic feel of the time period. You have a gift for painting vivid pictures with your words, Phrases such as “…What little use they will be against our guns…” and “…He won't think that when he feels the real sting of a whip…” reflect the condescending attitude some of the Europeans had of the American Indians.
The tone for each diary entry was also very different, and you successfully illustrated two different points of view of the same encounter.
Another writing strength is the fluidity of your thoughts. Everything follows a logical flow or pattern. I do not need to pause or question your stories since your ideas naturally come together.
You also surprised me with American Indian diary entry. Even though this boy was able to foresee the distrust of the Europeans, he peacefully goes to sleep with his family by his side. This was completely unexpected and a very clever way to end the diary entry.
Ms H
--------------------------------------------------------------------
老妈：
老妈希望小儿能把这二篇文字引伸开来，写成小说，或写成一篇完整的故事。可宝弟坚决反对，坚定说 No 。他说那是课堂作业，他不得不写，要他课外再去写，那是绝对不做的事。
老妈很想把他的这篇“日记”放到博客里秀秀，让他帮老妈 type 上来，这臭小子居然“敲诈”老妈二包 Hot Cheeto ，才肯‘霹雳巴拉’地快速 type 了他这二篇“日记”。
文： 土笋冻 影： 土笋冻 版权所有( Copyright )，未经许可，请勿转用及借鉴.
