张庆祥医生的演讲http://www.youtube.com /watch？v=umLkfADe17s
演讲内容中文翻译http://weibo.com/1729835690/z3SRp2OSN
2012-10-28(新加坡10月28日讯)美容医生临终录像自 责：
我不是好医生，病人在我眼中只是钞票。
患上末期癌症后劝人莫贪钱的美容医生张庆祥(Dr Richard Teo)，临终前在网上公
开录像，自责自己以前太过贪钱，不是好医生，引起网友的热烈讨论。张庆祥去年
患上末期肺癌，本月中 ( 2012年10月18日)病逝，享年40岁。
劝行医者以爱心医人
他患癌后，才知道金钱和财富并不是一切，也不能带来真 正的快乐，于是开始在网
上劝人，特别是劝行医的 人，要以爱心来医治病人，不要像他那样贪钱。
张庆祥在网上自爆，他从小就很爱钱，以为一个人要成功才会快乐，而 成功 就是
拥有财富。他坦言因为很爱钱，因此选择医科，因为当医生才可以赚大钱。
他透露在医院癌症部门当见习医生时，他对病人没有半点爱心，对癌症 病人 遭受
的痛苦，没有感同身受，病人在他眼里只是一个工作，他每天都希望快快做完快点
回家。
那时候，他每天或每隔一天就会见证末期癌症病人死亡，并看着他们因 身体 剧痛，
每几分钟都要按一次吗啡来止痛，连吸一口氧气都感到困难，然后看着他们最后死
亡。
患癌后才明白病人痛苦
张庆祥坦言，那时候的他，只把病人当着是工作，直到自己也患上末期 癌 症，他
才开始对病人的痛苦感同身受。张庆祥因此劝告行医的人，要对病人有爱心，了解
病人的痛苦。
为赚更多钱 放弃行医改当美容医生
张庆祥自爆，他当美容医生时，拼命向爱美的顾客和印尼富太刮钱，想 办法 把她
们的每一分钱都刮到光光。
张庆祥说，为了赚取更多的钱，他中途放弃行医，改当美容医生。他 说，许 多人
付20元看普通医生就喊贵，要她们花1万元抽脂或1万5千元隆胸，她们却毫不手软。
他的美容生意非常的好，让他赚了很多的钱，那时候他才30多岁，就 已经 是百万
富翁，拥有跑车、洋房，出入顶级餐馆，交往的都是有钱人和名人。
我只顾追求成功和财富，甚么都不理。
在我眼里，病人只是我的收入来源，我尝试从这些病人身上榨取每一分 钱。 张庆
祥透露，少年得志的他，每逢新年便会刻意开着法拉利跑车去拜年，目的是要向亲
戚朋友炫耀，然后觉得很“爽”。他说，现在他才 知道这么做很无聊，只会招来羡
慕、妒忌、甚至怨恨。
（星洲日报／国际）
以下是张医师夫人所翻译及整理的演讲内容：
张理查医生的见证录音笔录，我们恳望能与你分享理查的见证，这即是 理查 的愿
望。
请在阅读完之后，把本子留给下一位读者。如果您想要一份电子版的录 音或 笔录，
请向他的家人或密友们索取。万分感谢！愿主赐福于你！
张理查医生享年40岁，他是位富裕但却患有末期肺癌的美容医生。这 笔录 是抄自
于他在牙科班基督教徒团契会中的见证演讲。在此，他也希望能和您分享。
他的背景：
大家早安！因为化疗的缘故，我的声音有点沙哑，敬请原谅。让我自我 介 绍，我
的名字叫理查，此趟是受邀于我的朋友丹尼而来的。
我就从我是典型的现实社会的产品说起吧。这之前，我提到我们的生活 习惯 是如
何受到现今媒体的渲染。所以我是个不折不扣的现今社会成品，我从小在社会环境
的熏染下一直以为快乐是以成就来衡量，之后我就 凭著成功等于财富的宗旨渐渐成
长。
来自小康之家的我自小就极为好胜，无论是运动、学业、领导能力，我 都要 争取
成为最棒，最好的！而每每也都能如我所愿，但这些并不能为我带来金钱财富。
几年前，那时候我还是眼科班的见习生时，当我看见许多医生朋友都一 一离 开国
营医院到私营企业行医而且个个都赚大钱时，我就开始感到不耐烦。当时我对自己
说，够了，我现在走的这条路太长了。
当时医疗美容业正在蓬勃发展，相信你们也许知道这行业在几年前就一 直迅 速发
展而我也认为那是个赚钱的大好良机。当时我就对自己说，不能待在眼科了，我要
到医疗美容界发展。之后，我就真的离开了国营医 院转到医疗美容界开拓我的事业。
事实上，我们的社会都不会把一位普通的全科医生当成英雄。绝对不 会！对 他们
来说所谓的英雄是上流社会的名媛，政治家及富豪，所以我就立志要成为他们的一
份子而我也立即投向医疗美容业。当我还在当私营 业余全科医生时，许多病人会抱
怨三十块钱的诊金太贵。他们会说，哇！这医生收费好贵呀！但这批同样的病人却
乐意付高达新币一 万元 做抽脂手术！后来我就对自己说，好！那就别再为人治病
了，我要成为美容师，一位受过正式训练，备有医疗知识的美容师。
后来我真的无论抽脂手术，隆胸手术，眼皮手术等等都做…这一切真的 为我 带来
了财富，我的诊所预约期从刚开始的1个星期到1个月到2个月，之后还排到3个月！
这行业的需求量惊人，许多女人都迫不及待地 排队等着医生把他们变更漂亮，那么
多爱美的女人让我乐此不疲。
诊所的生意蒸蒸日上，从1位医生，我再聘请2位，3位，甚至4位医 生。 我对所拥
有的这一切都永远无法感到满足，因为我需要更多更多。后来我们就扩展到印尼，
并设立了特别小组专门把印尼的一些阔太太引 来诊所。事事如意的我以为我叱咤风
云的时机到了。
大约在去年2月份(2011年)，我告诉自己，既然我现在有那么多 闲 钱，我要为自己
买第1辆法拉利。当我在准备下订的同时，我也在物色买土地盖洋房。我对一位年赚
500万的银行家朋友说，来！我们 一起买地建几栋房子吧。
当时正是我人生的巅峰，我正准备好好地享受一番，在此同时，我的朋 友们 包括
丹尼开始重回教堂。他们对我说，理查，跟我们一起上教堂吧。
在二十年前，我就已经是洗过礼的基督徒了，但那时是因为我的朋友都 成了 教徒。
为了跟风，我也参加洗礼仪式。这样一来我就能在表格上填写“基督徒”三个字来
享受跟风的乐趣；事实上，我连一本圣经都没有 也不知那是什么东西。
我上了几回教堂后，觉得无趣就对自己说，不上教堂了，是时候该上大 学 了。我
还有好多东西要追求－譬如女朋友，学业，体操等。我心想我拥有的这一切不是靠
上帝而是靠自己努力得来的，有谁还需要上帝？ 我靠自己就行了。
(2011年2月份)在满腔傲慢中，我告诉我的朋友们说，你去叫你 的牧 师把礼拜时间
改到下午两点，我可能会考虑参加。狂妄自大的我还加了一句可能我今天还在后悔
说的狂语，我告诉丹尼和朋友们，假如上 帝真要我重回教堂，他一定会给我一个征
兆。说出这番话的三周后，我就乖乖回教堂了。
癌症诊断：
2011年3月，当时我还经常跑步和到健身房举重健身，一个星期有 六天 都在运动健
身。突然有一天我感到背部疼痛而且持续了好久，后来我去照MRI(磁共振成像)看是
否是腰椎间盘突出。照像的前一天， 我如往常一样到健身房举重健身，蹲踞。第二
天，照像结果显示我的骨髓有代谢的情况。我顿时愣了句，哇！抱歉，那是什么意
思？
隔天，我作了PET scan(正子扫描)之后，医生就证实了我患上末期肺癌第4B期并且
已扩散到脑部、半条脊椎、两个肺都长满了密密麻麻的肿瘤、肝脏、肾上腺等。
我对自己说，这不可能！我昨天还到健身房举重健身，到底是怎么回 事？不 知您
是否能了解我当时的心情。前一刻我还站在高高的山峰上，怎么知道第二天就收到
这晴天霹雳的消息，我的世界顿时颠覆。
我无法接受，我有百多个亲戚他们当中没有一人得过癌症。我一直都认 为我 拥有
很好的基因，这不该发生在我身上。我的亲戚当中有好多都烟不离手但他们都没事，
为什么患肺癌的会是我？我无法接受这事实！
与上帝的奇遇：
隔了一天，当我还是无法接受事实真相时，我就去动活体检视手术。之后，医生和
护士吩咐我躺在手术床上休息15分钟以便照X光 来确 定是否有纵隔气肿或气胸的状
况。
我卧在手术台上，愣视着冰冷的周围，突然间听到一把声音，那不是外 来 的。这
把声音虽小但我很清楚的感觉到那是发自心里的声音，是我从未体验过的感觉。他
说：这一切都必须发生在你人生的高峰因为那是 唯一能够让你了解的方法。
我顿时吓了一跳，哇！那是哪里来的声音？一般上当我们自己自言自语 时， 我们
会用，好！我该几点离开这里？或者说我该上那儿吃饭？我们不会对自己说，你该
去哪儿？但这把声音却用，这一切都必须发生在你 人生的高峰因为那是唯一能够让
你了解的方法。当时的我情绪崩溃忍不住痛哭落泪，接下来的日子里，我才深深明
白为什么那是唯一 能让 我了解的方法。
我一向骄傲也很有天赋所以我认为我的生命中不需要任何人。我充满自 信与 自负，
没有任何方法能使我重回上帝的身边。
假如我是患了第1或2期，我会很忙碌很努力的去找最好的心胸外科做 切割 手术然
后再进行化疗… 这项疗程的康复率很高，有谁需要上帝？但我患的是第4B期，任何
人都救不了我，除了他。
经过这一系列的事件，我还是不相信上帝！你们别以为因为那把声音的 出 现，我
会开始相信神，开始祷告。不！我认为那可能只是我在自言自语，我终究还是不相
信。
后来当我正进行2至3星期的脑部电疗时，医生也同时期为我进行化疗 前的 预备工
作。因为化疗期间医生会采用ZOMETA(唑来膦酸)来强化因癌细胞而受损的骨髓以防
压缩性骨折。
而ZOMETA其中之一副作用是导致下颚骨坏死，所以在进行化疗之 前我 必须把我的
智慧牙统统拔掉。在很早以前我已拔掉2颗上智齿，因为下智齿没疼痛所以我就没碰
它。很理所当然地丹尼马上自告奋勇要为 我“除害”。
我躺在手术椅上，问正在承受电疗所带来的副作用的自己说：这一切还 不够 吗？
现在还必须要忍受拔牙的痛楚。我问丹尼：老弟，有没有其它路可走？我不想拔牙。
他回说：有，你能试着祷告。
我说：既然祷告我也不会有什么损失，好吧！那就祷告吧。我们祷告 后，丹 尼就
为我照X光准备进行手术。X光结果出人意料，我竟然没有下智齿！据我所知一般人
都会有4颗智慧齿或少数人一颗都没有，但据我 了解少一两颗智慧齿的是非常罕见。
当时的我还是不相信祷告的力量，我高兴地对自己说：只要不用拔牙就 好， 管他
呢！
接下来我问我的肿瘤科医生，我还能有多长时间。他回说：不超过6个 月。 我问：
假如做化疗呢？他说：3到4个月吧。
我无法掌握这事实，更无法面对。即使当我在进行电疗期间，我每天都 在心 理上
挣扎，尤其是早上起床真希望这一切都只是一场噩梦，醒来就没事了。
我渐渐的开始惆怅，不愿接受事实。有一天的下午2点，当我正准备更 衣后 去复诊
时，我突然感到一股莫名的祥和、舒服甚至还有一点高兴。我当时就传了个What sapp简
讯给我的朋友们说：兄弟，不知为何我突然感觉非常美好。
事情过去好几天后，丹尼才向我坦白他为我斋戒了整整两天，而那天下 午2 点正是
他刚结束斋戒的时候。我并不知他当时为我斋戒，我只知当他斋戒完的那刹那，我
感到非常平和快乐。
我暗自想事情也太巧了吧！我的心开始有点动摇，但我还是选择不信， 当我 完成
2星期的电疗后，在进行化疗之前，医生让我休息几天。
事实上肺癌的死亡率远比乳癌_大肠癌_前列腺癌(新加坡男女癌症发 病率 首排名表
)，这三大肿瘤病人的死亡率加起来还要高，原因是以上三个器官都能完全切除但肺
却不能完全切除。
一般大约有10分之1的肺癌患者都有不错进展因为他们患有因子受体 基因 突变(EGFR
mutation)，这类患者有90%是属于不吸烟的亚洲女性。而我第一，我是男的，第二，
我偶尔在饭后或周末和朋友聚会时会抽一两根烟，所以我的肿瘤医 生都认为我患有
因子受体基因突变的可能性非常渺茫。
能有上述机会的机率是3%或4%所以医生事不宜迟地为我准备进行化 疗。 但通过许
多朋友和一些我不认识的善心人的热切祷告，我被证实患有因子受体基因突变。哇！
太棒了！这下我不用急于进行化疗了，因为 我可以吃药来控制病情。
让我与您分享我吃药前后的肺部CT扫 描，After(后)；Before(前)。
右边扫描图里的每一粒白点都是肿瘤，您可清楚看到许许多多的转移 瘤，这 只是
其中一层切面图。基本上我的左右肺部都长满了数以千计的肿瘤，所以医生说即使
进行化疗我顶多也只能活3到4个月。
但因为我的肺癌是由因子受体基因突变造成所以有口服药能控制。服用了两个月药
后你能看到左边扫描结果，这就是神的力量！也因 他我 今天还能站在这儿和您分
享。你可以清楚看到用药前后的不同。
当时我还是不相信神能造什么奇迹因为我认为这一切都归功于药物。日复一日，朋
友们继续为我不断地祷告，数月后我的肿瘤指标渐 渐的 下降，90%的肿瘤也清除了。
相信你也知道一旦有医疗临床知识，你清楚了解即使服药也只能控制 1～2 年。那
并不是一件好事，因为你很清楚肿瘤每时每刻都在转变，总有一天，它们会对药物
产生抵抗，到那时候你就会无药可救了。
拥有这些知识对我来说是精神上极大的折磨，癌症不只是肉体的折磨更 是精 神上
极大的酷刑，您该怎么去面对无望的未来？您该怎么去活在不能拥有长远计划的人
生？医师劝我多忍耐一两个月或许我的心情能够平 复一些。2011年的3月和4月是我
人生中的最低迷的时候，即使病情渐渐好转，但我每一天都活在精神和肉体的折磨
之中。
接纳与平和：
有一天下午当我躺在床上不断的质问上帝为什么要我承受此等的折磨？ 为什 么要
我承受如此艰难的痛苦和挣扎？为什么偏偏是我？
就在我渐渐刚开始入睡着时，我隐约梦见一把声音说：希伯来书第12 章，7－8节。
我当时并没读过圣经，不知希伯来是什么？更不知圣经到底总共有几章？真的毫无
头绪。
但我记得非常清楚是希伯来书第12章，7－8节，之后也没多想就继 续睡 了。睡醒
后，我想：反正也没什么损失，就查看看吧！之前丹尼送了本新的圣经给我，在查
阅时，希伯来听起来像是个很古老的名称所以 我认为应该在圣经里的旧约，于是我
就翻找旧约，谁知找不到，我顿时好失望。
后来我想：可能会在新约，试试看吧！天啊！新约中真的有希伯来书第 12 章，第
7－8节。他说：你们所忍受的，是神管教你们，待你们如同儿子。焉有儿子不被父
亲管教的呢？管教原是众子所共受的，你们若 不受管教，就是私子，不是儿子了。
我顿时感到鸡皮疙瘩，说：哇！这是从哪儿来的？不可能，对吗？我的 意思 是能
在没读过圣经而凭着梦境找到明确的章节来回答自己的问题的机率有多高呢？
我深信那是神的回应，他在我迷迷糊糊挣扎着睡了的时候所问他：为什 么要 我承
受此等的折磨？他回答说：你所忍受的，是神管教你，待你如同儿子。
这简直比我得因子受体基因突变的机率更渺小。圣经里有千千万万个章 节， 我这
么可能幻想得出这章节呢？当下我信服地对他说：你赢了！你赢了！
那天之后我就开始相信上帝，而我最后一次听到他的声音是在4月下 旬，那 把来自
心里的声音又悄悄地在我午睡时出现，而这次我已不再像之前一样挣扎入睡。在梦
境里，我听到他说：帮助那些正陷在困境中的 人。
那听起来像是命令而不是陈述，之后我就开始帮助陷在困境中的人。我 也开 始了
解到陷在困境中的人并不一定是贫穷的。事实上，许多贫穷人过得比你我还幸福快
乐因为他们容易满足。
困苦能发生在有钱人的身上，它能是肉体上、精神上或是社群中等等；而我也在接
下来的几个月里体会到什么是真正的快乐。从前的 我以 为有钱就是快乐而快乐就
是要不断地追求财富。让我告诉你当我在临终边缘时，我的法拉利跑车，想买的土
地和洋房，生意等对我已经变 得毫无意义了。
这些东西都无法为我带来丁点的安慰和快乐，你认为我还能抱着我的跑 车而 感到
愉悦吗？不！不可能！
真正的快乐是来自于与人的沟通，许多时候都是我们的自尊心作祟。从 前的 我会
在农历新年时驾着我的跑车到亲朋戚友们的家向他们炫耀，我当时还以为那是快乐。
你真的认为那卖你跑车的销售员真的替您高兴 吗？你的亲朋好友真的能与您分享你
所谓的喜悦吗？事实上，你只是让他们更加羡慕，妒嫉甚至憎恨你。他们并不能和
您分享你所谓 的喜 悦，那只是非常短暂的炫耀让他们知道我拥有他们没能力拥有
的，而我当时竟然以为那就是快乐！
所以其实我们是把自己的快乐建筑在别人的痛苦上，那不叫快乐。当我 面对 死亡
时，我无法想像我还能抱着我心爱的跑车而感到欢喜。
真正的快乐是来自于人与人之间的沟通，几个月前，当我还感到非常颓 丧 时，我
发现与家人、朋友和教会的兄弟姐妹们沟通能使我更有推动力，他们在我身边分享
我的苦与乐－那才是真正的快乐。
你们知道什么能使你展颜欢笑吗？那种快乐来自于帮助受苦难的人。因 为我 经历
过所以我知道其中痛苦的滋味。有很多和我一样患癌的病人跟我说有很多人不断地
告诉他们：你一定要保持乐观，一定要乐观。我们 心里想：说得好！你为何不试着
站在我的立场试着告诉你自己一定要保持乐观。
我就不一样因为我目前还是病患所以我就到处与其他癌症病人分享及鼓 励他 们，
因为我与他们是同病相连所以也使我们比较容易沟通。
我认为最真正的快乐是来自于认识上帝，我说的不是知晓上帝，因为我 们可 以在
圣经里读到他的事迹。我的意思是和上帝建立一种亲密的关系，那是我在学习中认
为最重要宝贵的。
让我总结，我提过我们必须尽早认清我们生命中的重点而且是越早越 好，千 万不
要像我，因为以我过去的个性，我别无选择只能通过最痛苦的路才能使我重新回到
上帝的身边。我非常感谢上帝赐于我这个恩典因为 在我生命中发生了3次严重的车
祸，以前驾跑车时总爱飑车但每次遇到车祸即使车差点翻了我都能没事！假如当时
真的因车祸而挂 了，我 真不知自己的灵魂会到那儿？虽然我在18年前已洗过礼但
那时是因为好玩跟风，如今发生这一切让我有机会回到上帝的身边。
这一路上，我学到：
1. 要完全信任主－这是非常重要的。
2. 要关爱及为他人服务，不能只一味的为自己。
我认为富裕并没有错，因为上帝愿赐于许多人财富，但问题是我们不懂 得应 付。
我们有越多就要拥有更多，我经历过，那是种泥足深陷的情况，它会让你无法自拔
而失去方向，导致我们尊奉金钱而不是上帝，这都 是我们人类的本能，不容易躲避。
我们都是专业人士，有一天我们都会各自到不同的私营企业行医开始我 们的 事业
－这是当然的。我想你记得这一点就是，你所累积的财富其实并不属于你的。我们
都无权拥有这些财富，因为那都是上帝赐予的恩 典。你要记得更重要是：我们必须
宣扬神的真理而不是一味只为了自己。
反正我已经历过，我知道生命中只有财富没有神是非常虚空的，当你在 世上 累积
你的财富时，千万别忘了累积上帝赐予我们在天堂的财富。
今天就到此，很高兴能与你们分享，谢谢！
Dr Richard Teo - Thoughts of Life, Wealth, Success & Happiness
Below is the transcript of the talk of Dr. Richard Teo, who was a 40-year-old millionaire and cosmetic surgeon with a stage-4 lung cancer, sharing at a Dental Christian Fellowship Meeting. He would have liked to share this with you too.
HIS BACKGROUND
Hi good morning to all of you. My voice is a bit hoarse from the chemotherapy, so please bear with me. I thought I'll just introduce myself. My name is Richard, I’m a friend of Danny’s, who invited me here.
I’d just begin to say that I’m a typical product of today’s society. Before this, I was talking about how the media influences us etc. So I’m a typical product of what the media portrays. From young, I’ve always been under the influence and impression that to be happy, is to be successful. And to be successful, is to be wealthy. So I led my life according to this motto.
Coming from a poor average family, back in those days, I was highly competitive, whether in sports, studies, leadership. I wanted it all. I’ve been there, done that. But at the end of the day, it’s still about money.
So in my recent last years, I was a trainee in ophthalmology, but I was getting impatient, cos I had friends of mine who were going out into private practise, making tonnes of money. And there I was, stuck in a traineeship. So I said, ‘Enough, it’s getting too long.’ At that time, there was a surge in protégés of aesthetic medicine. I’m sure you’re aware, aesthetic medicine had peaked over the last few years, and I saw good money in there. So much so that I said, ‘Forget about ophthalmology, I’m gonna do aesthetic medicine.’ So that’s what I did.
The truth is, nobody makes heroes out of the average GP in the neighbourhood. They don't. They make heroes out of rich celebrities, politicians, rich and famous people. So I wanted to be one of these. I dived straight into aesthetic medicine. People were not willing to pay when I was doing locum back in those days. Anything more than $30, they would complain that “Wah, this lo kun (doctor) jing qwee (very expensive)”. They made noise and they were not happy. But the same people were willing to pay $10 000 for a liposuction. So I said, ‘Well, let’s stop healing the sick, I’m gonna become a beautician; a medically-trained beautician.’
And that was what I did – liposuction, breast augmentation, eyelid surgeries, you name it, we do it. It was very good money. My clinic, when we started off, waiting time was 1 week; 1 month; became 2 months; became 3 months. There was so much demand that people were literally queuing up to have aesthetic work done on them. Vain women – easy life!
So the clinic grew. I was so overwhelmed, from 1 doctor, I employed 2, then 3, then 4 doctors, and carried on. Nothing is ever enough. I wanted more and more and more. So much so that we set up shop in Indonesia to lure all the Indonesian tai tai’s. We set up shop, set up a team of people there, to get more Indonesian patients to come in.
So, things were doing well. I’m there, my time has arrived.
Around some time in February last year, I said, ‘OK, I have so much spare cash, it’s time to get my first Ferrari. So there I was, getting ready for the deposit. ‘OK! There comes my first Ferrari!’ I was looking for land, to share with some of my friends. I have a banker friend who makes $5 million a year. So I thought, ‘Come, let’s come together. Let’s buy some land and build our houses.’
I was at my prime, getting ready to enjoy. At the same time, my friend Danny had a revival. They were going back to church, some of my close friends. They told me, ‘Richard, come, join us, come back to church.’
I have been a Christian for 20 years; I was baptised 20 years ago, but it was because it was fashionable to be a Christian then. All my friends were becoming Christians then. It was fashionable! I wanted to be baptised, so that when I filled in a form, I could put there “Christian” – feels good. In truth, I had never had a bible; I don’t know what the bible is all about.
I went to church for a while, after some time, I got tired. I said it’s time to go to NUS, stop going to church. I had a lot more things to pursue in NUS – girls, studies, sports etc. After all, I had achieved all these things without God today, so who needs God? I myself can achieve anything I want.
In my arrogance, I told them, “You know what? You go tell your pastor to change your sermon to 2pm. I will consider coming to church.” Such arrogance! And I said 1 statement in addition to that – till date, I don’t know I’ve regretted saying that – I told Danny and my friends, “If God really wanted me to come back to church, He will give me a sign.”. Lo and behold, 3 weeks later, I was back at church.
THE DIAGNOSIS
In March 2011, out of the blues – I was still running around, ‘cause I’m a gym freak and I always go to the gym training, running, swimming 6 days a week. I had some backache, and that’s all I had, but it was persistent. And so I went for an MRI to exclude prolapsed disc. And the day before I had my scan, I was still in the gym, lifting heavy weights, doing my squats. And the next day, they found that half my spine had bone marrow replacement. I said, “Woah, sorry, what’s that?”
We had a PET scan the next day, and they diagnosed that I had terminal lung cancer, stage 4B. It had spread to the brain, half the spine, whole of my lungs were filled with tumour, liver, adrenals…
I said, “Can’t be, I was just at the gym last night, what’s going on?” I’m sure you know how it feels – though I’m not sure if you know how it feels. One moment I was there at the peak, the next day, this news came and I was totally devastated. My whole world just turned upside down.
I couldn’t accept it. I have a hundred relatives on both sides, my mom and my dad. 100 of them. And not a single one has cancer. To me, in my mind, I have good genes, I’m not supposed to be having this! Some of my relatives are heavy chain smokers. Why am I having lung cancer? I was in denial.
HIS ENCOUNTER WITH GOD
So the next day, I was still in a state of denial, still unable to accept what was going on. There I was lying in an operating theatre in a hospital, for a needle biopsy (for histology). There I was, just completed the biopsy, and lying in the operating theatre. The nurses and doctors had left; told me I had to wait for 15 minutes to do a check X-ray to make sure there’s no pneumothorax (a complication).
And there I was, lying on the operating table, staring blankly at the ceiling in a cold, quiet operating theatre. Suddenly I just heard an inner voice; it was not like coming from outside. It was inside. This small inner voice that I had never felt before. And it said very specifically, it said, “This has to happen to you, at your prime, because it’s the only way you can understand.”
I said, “Woah, why did that come from?” You know, when you speak to yourself, you’d say, “OK, what time should I leave this place? Where shall I have dinner after this?” You’d speak from a first person point of view. You don’t say, “Where should YOU go after this?” Whereas the voice that came spoke as a third party. It said, “This has to happen to YOU, at YOUR prime, because this is the only way YOU can understand.” At that time, my emotions just overflowed and I broke down and cried, alone there. And I knew then, subsequently, what it means to understand that why this is the only way.
Because I had been so proud of myself, my whole life, I needed nobody else. I was gifted with things that I could do, why do I need anybody else? I was just so full of myself that there was no other way I could have turned back to God.
In fact, if I were diagnosed with stage 1 or 2, I would have been looking around busily for the best cardiothoracic surgeon, remove a section of the lobe (do a lobectomy), do preventive chemotherapy…The chances of it being cured is extremely high. Who needs God? But I had stage 4B. No man can help, only God can.
A series of events happened after that. I wasn’t sold after that, because of the inner voice, I became believing, prayers, all that. No I wasn’t. To me, it was just ‘maybe there was a voice; or maybe that was just me talking to myself.’ I didn’t buy the story.
What happened next was that I was being prepared for chemotherapy. I started off with a whole brain radiation therapy first; takes about 2 -3 weeks. In the meantime they prepared me for chemotherapy, supplements etc. One of the things they used for chemo was a thing called Zometa. Zometa - they use it to strengthen the bones; once the bone marrow (replacement) is cured of cancer cells, it becomes hollow, so we need Zometa to strengthen the bone to prevent compression fractures.
One of the side effects of Zometa is that it can cause osteonecrosis (bone death) of the jaw, and I had to have my wisdom teeth removed. Years ago, I had my upper wisdom teeth removed, cos it was giving me trouble. The lower ones didn’t give me trouble so I said, “Forget it, just leave it.” So of cause, Danny volunteered to remove it for me.
So there I was, lying there in a dental chair, asking myself, suffering all the side effects of radiotherapy, and now I have to go through wisdom tooth surgery. As if I’ve not had enough to suffer! So I asked Danny, “Eh, bro, is there any other way? Can I not go though this?” He said, “Yes, you can pray.”
I said, “What’s there to lose? Ok lah, pray lah!” And so we prayed. And we did an X-ray after that. Everything was all there, all the appliances and everything. And lo and behold, the Xray showed that there was no wisdom teeth in the lower jaw. I know most people have 4 wisdom teeth, maybe some have none, but to be missing one or 2, as I understand – I’m not too sure, as I understand – is not that common.
Still I was, “Nah, I don’t care about that.” To me, as long as I didn’t have to take out the tooth, I was happy. At that point, I still wasn’t sold on prayers. Maybe it was just a coincidence – for whatever it’s worth.
I continued meeting my oncologist, asking him, “How long do I have?” I asked him. He said, not more than 6 months. I said, “Even with chemotherapy?” About 3 – 4 months, he said.
I couldn’t grasp that. It was difficult to come to terms. And even as I went through radiotherapy, I was struggling everyday, especially when I wake up, hoping that it’s just a nightmare; when I wake up, it’s all over.
As I was struggling, day after day, I went into depression, which is the typical denial, depression blah blah blah that you go through. But for 1 reason, I don’t know why, there was this specific day that I was supposed to meet my oncologist. At about 2pm, I felt this sudden surge of peace, comfort, and in fact, a little happiness. It was just overflowing. For no rhyme or reason, it just came about 2pm, as I was getting ready, dressing up to meet my oncologist. So much so that I whats-apped all my friends that, “Bros, I just feel so good suddenly! I don’t know why, it just came!”
And it was only days, or was it weeks after, that Danny revealed to me that he had fasted for 2 days for me, and he was bargaining with God, and fasted for 2 dyas, and he ended his fast at that exact same point, about 2pm thereabouts, that this surge of sensation came to me for no rhyme or reason. And I didn’t know that he was fasting for me. And when he ended the fast, I felt that sensation!
Whoa, things were getting a bit too coincidental. I was starting to buy a bit of the story, but still I wasn’t sold. As days passed by, I completed my radiotherapy, about 2 weeks plus. Getting ready for chemo, so they let me rest for a few days.
See, the mortality rate of lung cancer : Lung cancer has the highest mortality rate. If you add up breast, colorectal (colon) cancer, and prostate cancer (the top few cancers in Singapore for men and women), if you add up the mortality rate of these 3, it still doesn’t add up to lung cancer. Simply because, you understand, you can remove the prostate, the colon, the breast, but you cannot remove your lungs.
But there’s about 10% of lung cancer patients who do pretty well for some reasons, because they have this specific mutation; we call it the EGFR mutation. And it happens, only 90% of the time, in Asian ladies who never smoked in their lives. Me, first of all, I’m male. 2ndly, I’m a social smoker. I take one a day after dinner; weekends, when my friends offer me, I take it as well. I’m a light smoker, not a social smoker. But still, my oncologist was still not hopeful for me to have this mutation.
The chances of it happening for me was maybe 3-4% for me to get it. That’s why I was being primed to go for chemo. But through all the intense prayers, friends like Danny, people that I don’t even know, it turned out that, during my waiting for chemo, the results came back that I was EGFR positive. I was like, “Woah, good news!” Cos now I don’t have to undergo chemo at that time, because there’s this oral tablet that you can use to control this disease.
Just to share with you some idea – this is a CT scan – thorax – of my lungs, before treatment.
AFTER BEFORE
Every single dot there is a tumour. You can see all the mets (metastasis) there. This is just one single plane. Literally I had it in both lungs, and I had literally tens of thousands of tumour. That’s why the oncologist told me, even with chemo, at most 3-4 months.
But because of this mutation, they have this oral medication. This is what happened after 2 months of treatment. As you can see over here; this is what God can do. And that’s why I’m still here having this opportunity to share with you. As you can see over here, the difference between before and after treatment.
At that point, I said, “Well, it’s to be expected, isn’t it? The medicine is good.” I’m still not buying the story. Well, the guys prayed for me and the tumour markers started to come down. 90% of the tumours were wiped out, and the tumour markers came down to more than 90% over the next few months.
But still, you know, once you have the clinical knowledge, you know the statistics. One year survival, two year survival; having all this knowledge is not a good thing. Cos you live with the knowledge that even with all this, the cancer cells are so unstable, they keep mutating. They will overcome and become resistant to the drugs, and eventually you’re gonna run out of medication.
So living with this knowledge is a huge mental struggle, a huge mental torture. Cancer is not just about a physical struggle, it’s a huge mental torture. How do you live with no hope? How do you live with not being able to plan for the next few years? The oncologist tells you to bear with it for the next 1 – 2 months. So it’s a lot of struggles as I went through: March, then April. April was my lowest point, in deep depression, struggling even as I was recovering.
HIS ACCEPTANCE & PEACE
And one of those days, I was there in bed, struggling in the afternoon, asking God, “Why? Why do I have to go through this suffering? Why do I have to endure this hardship, this struggle? Why me?”
As I fell asleep, in my dreamy state, a vision just came, that says Hebrews 12:7-8.
Now mind you, at this time, I had not read the bible. I have no clue what’s Hebrews, I don’t even know how many chapters there are. Totally clueless.
But it says Hebrews 12:7-8, very specifically.
I didn’t think too much of it. I just continued sleeping. Then I woke up, and I said, “What’s there to lose? I’d just check it out lah!” Danny had bought me a bible; it’s still quite new. I said, “It’s ok, just try.” So I flipped to the Old Testament. Hebrews to me sounds like something ancient, so it should be in the Old Testament right? So I flipped through the Old Testament. No Hebrews there. I was so disappointed.
Then I said, “Maybe New Testament, let’s have a look!”. WOW – New Testament, there’s Hebrew’s!! It says Hebrews 12:7-8. It says, “Endure hardship as discipline as God is treating you as His children.”
I said, “WAH!! Where did that come from?” I was getting goose pimples all over my body. I said, “This can’t be, right?” I mean, what’s the chance of somebody, who has never read the bible, to have a vision of a chapter of a specific verse, that answers my question directly?
I think God called to me directly as I was there sleeping, struggling with it, asking God, “Why do I have to suffer? Why do I have to suffer this?” And God says “Endure hardship as discipline as God is treating you as His child.”
At this point, the chance of that happening is even lesser than my EGFR being positive. There’s just no way; there’s so many millions of thousands of verses in the bible, how can I just conjure up something like that?
So at that point, I was sold I said, “YOU WIN! YOU WIN!!”
Ok , I was convinced. And so from that day onwards, I started believing in my God. And the last time I heard that inner voice was the end of April. And that inner voice, same thing, in the afternoon, as I was sleeping (this time I wasn’t struggling, just going to sleep). In a dreamy state I just heard Him say, “Help others in hardship.”
It was more like a command, rather than a statement. And that’s when I embarked on this journey, helping others in hardship. And I realised that hardship is not just about being poor. In fact, I think a lot of poor people are probably happier than a lot of us here. They are so easily contented with whatever they have, they’re probably pretty happy.
Hardship can happen to rich people; it can be physical hardship, mental hardship, social, etc. And also over the last few months, I started to understand what this true joy is about. In the past, I substituted true joy with the pursuing of wealth. I thought true joy is about pursuing wealth. Why? Cos let me put it to you this way, in my death bed, I found no joy whatsoever in whatever objects I had – my Ferrari, thinking of the land I was going to buy to build my bungalow etc, having a successful business.
It brought me ZERO comfort, ZERO joy, nothing at all. Do you think I can hold onto this piece of metal and it’s going to give true joy? Nah, it’s not going to happen.
True joy comes from interaction with other people. And at a lot of times, it is a short term pride, the past. When you pursue your wealth, Chinese New Year is the best time to do it. Drive my Ferrari, show off to my relatives, show off to my friends, do my rounds, and then you thought that was true joy? You really think that those guys who sold you your Ferrari, they share their joy with you? And your relatives, wow, they share this joy with you? In truth, what you have done is just to illicit envy, jealousy, and even hatred. They are not sharing the joy with you, and what I have is that short-term pride that wow, I have something you don’t have! And I thought that was joy!
So what we have is basically a short-term pride at the expense of somebody else. And that wasn’t true joy. And I found no joy at all on my deathbed, thinking of my Ferrari – to hold on to it, sayang it?!?
True joy I discovered comes from interaction. Over the last few months I was so down. Interaction with my loved ones, my friends, my brothers in Christ, my sisters in Christ, and only then was I able to be motivated, able to be uplifted. To share your sorrow, to share your happiness – that’s true joy.
And you know what makes you smile? True joy comes from helping others in hardship, and because I’ve gone through this, I know what hardship entails. In fact, there’re some cancer patients who tell me a lot of times, people come up to them and tell them, “Stay positive. Stay positive.” Yah, right. You come in my shoes and you try to stay positive! You don’t know what you’re talking about!
But I have the licence. So I’ve been going out to meet other fellow cancer patients, to share with them, encourage them. And I know, because I’ve been through it, and it’s easier for me to talk to them.
And most importantly, I think true joy comes from knowing God. Not knowing about God – I mean, you can read the bible and know about God – but knowing God personally; getting a relationship with God. I think that’s the most important. That’s what I’ve learnt.
So if I were to sum it up, I’d say that the earlier we sort out the priorities in our lives, the better it is. Don’t be like me – I had no other way. I had to learn it through the hard way. I had to come back to God to thank Him for this opportunity because I’ve had 3 major accidents in my past – car accidents. You know, these sports car accidents – I was always speeding , but somehow I always came out alive, even with the car almost being overturned. And I wouldn’t have had a chance. Who knows, I don’t know where else I’d be going to! Even though I was baptised it was just a show, but the fact that this has happened, it gave me a chance to come back to God.
Few things I’d learnt though:
1. Trust in the Lord your God with all your heart – this is so important.
2. Is to love and serve others, not just ourselves.
There is nothing wrong with being rich or wealthy. I think it’s absolutely alright, cos God has blessed. So many people are blessed with good wealth, but the trouble is I think a lot of us can’t handle it. The more we have, the more we want. I’ve gone through it, the deeper the hole we dig, the more we get sucked into it, so much so that we worship wealth and lose focus. Instead of worshipping God, we worship wealth. It’s just a human instinct. It’s just so difficult to get out of it.
We are all professionals, and when we go into private practise, we start to build up our wealth – inevitably. So my thought are, when you start to build up wealth and when the opportunity comes, do remember that all these things don’t belong to us. We don’t really own it nor have rights to this wealth. It’s actually God’s gift to us. Remember that it’s more important to further His Kingdom rather than to further ourselves.
Anyway I think that I’ve gone through it, and I know that wealth without God is empty. It is more important that you fill up the wealth, as you build it up subsequently, as professionals and all, you need to fill it up with the wealth of God.
I think that’s about it. It’s good to share. Thanks. Eric Tham added a memorabilia for Dr Richard Teo Keng Siang
Alan Koh : (https://www.facebook.com/....................Preferred link http://www.heavenaddress.com/Dr-Richard-Teo-Keng-Siang/424153/videos
