抛砖:少爷写作文

孩孩孩的妈眼睛里只有单位里的三分地和家里的炕头,国家大事世界和平就由您负责了。work&family
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我家少爷画地为牢,很怕写作文,总说自己写得不好。

上次被我逼了去参加学校作文比赛的选拔。考试过程是在45分钟内,每人写一篇作文,题目是"写最近一次让你流泪或者快要流泪的事情"。少爷回来说,他花了很长的时间考虑写什么,等他好不容易想好了,刚刚写了个开头,交卷时间就到了。我说,没关系,你没经验,下次不要花这么长的时间酝酿,快点开写。再问,那你到底写了什么让你伤心的事情?人家回答说,我写我的狗死了。什么???孩子啊,我们家从来没有养过狗,你,你这不是胡编乱造吗?

少爷气愤地说,妈妈,你不觉得我的生活太平淡了吗?我实在没有什么有戏剧性的故事可以写啊。

上个周末,少爷哼哼叽叽不肯去中文学校。我说好吧,不过你得在家写一篇作文。他问写什么,我说写写我们的春假吧。少爷面露痛苦,那有什么可写的。问,我可不可以写我感兴趣的内容,比如telomerose?我说可以,于是他就写了这么一篇。

Telomerase: The Fountain Of Youth

Since the beginning of time, humans have yearned to subvert the natural course of time, with stories such as Ponce de Leons Fountain of Youth, which would grant eternal life to those who bathed in its waters. There are other stories of substances that would bring immortality, such as an Elixir of Life, and substances like jade and cinnabar. We still cant promise eternal life. But with the miracle of modern science, we now have a substance, telomerase, that can come close.

Telomerase is a ribonucleoprotein, or, more simply, an enzyme. It is a biocatalyst that affects metabolic reactions in the body. Like all enzymes, telomerase has a purpose. Its purpose is to regenerate telomeres. But what do telomeres do? Every day, cells in the body are created and destroyed. This happens through processes called meiosis and mitosis, where a cell splits into two new cells. The chromosomes are replicated into each new cell. At the end of the chromosomes are telomeres. They act as caps, preventing the chromosomes from being damaged or flawed. But when the human body runs out of telomeres and telomerase to reproduce telomeres, organs fall into disrepair and shrivel, other organs start to fail, the body becomes infertile, and eventually dies. This is known as aging.

With a surplus of telomerase, aging could theoretically slow, stop, or even reverse. In 1961, Leonard Hayflick first noticed that a cell can only reproduce between 40 and 60 times. This is known as the Hayflick Limit. Research in telomere shortening started in 1973 by a Soviet biologist, Alexey Olovnikov, who connected telomeres and aging. In 1984, Carol Greider and Elizabeth Blackburn discovered telomerase, along with Jack Szostak. However, scientists quickly realized that aging was not a direct process, but had many deciding factors. Telomerase was not as crucial as they had thought.

Since the discovery of telomerase, many experiments concerning it have been conducted. Mice born without telomerase quickly aged and gained age related disabilities. However, when supplied with telomerase, they miraculously became healthy again. Even if telomerase therapy was used on humans, many are worried that telomerase could excite tumors. In fact, telomerase is what makes cancer so deadly. Others argue that telomerase would eliminate DNA damage, stopping cancer altogether. With our limited technology, we are yet to find out whos right.

Even though telomerase is not reliable enough to test on humans, we can lengthen telomeres with simple activities such as exercise. Just taking a walk every now and then can increase a persons lifespan, and make them healthier to boot. Although miracle substances like a magic fountain may never exist, the mysteries of telomerase are sure to be unraveled soon.

怎样教初中生写作文我不太懂,对他写的具体内容也不详,贴上来求建议求引玉。

以前的:便秘作文

work&family 发表评论于
回复绫子的评论:

哇,你好厉害啊。你的建议太好了,我马上要把这个指示贯彻下去。今后请多多指导。
绫子 发表评论于
7年纪, 写这样相当不错, 我教中国孩子英文写作,自己也上社区大学里的英文写作课,作为非小说类文章, 他基本上写得很成功, 要写得再好, 就是要加入自己的观点,感受(哪怕是不成熟的),让读者能感觉到是"他"写的, 而不是仅仅重复别人的观点.
work&family 发表评论于
回复绫子的评论:

谢谢鼓励。七年级。
绫子 发表评论于
少爷写得不错, 流畅,完整,上几年级?
小野鸭子 发表评论于
回复work&family的评论:
嘻嘻,不能以phd对证据的要求来要求初一生啊!
work&family 发表评论于
回复小野鸭子的评论:

终于引来了一块大玉,太好了。你的建议都非常好,我会转告少爷。十分感谢!我觉得这篇文章还有一个问题是,他试图卖一副永葆青春的狗皮膏药,但并没有提出足够的证据。
小野鸭子 发表评论于
客气话就不说了,就写作评两句,不同意请勿介意:
(1)短促的句子很多,尤其是第二段。如果能用连词或者从句把相关的短句子连起来,读起来会更流畅,行文的逻辑性会更强。
(2)倒数第二段和第三段如果重组一下会更好。比如说,倒数第三段第一句“With a surplus of telomerase, aging could theoretically slow, stop, or even reverse.”作为中心句,与次段落剩下的句子关系不大(我知道它们在作者心中的联系,但是。。。)

work&family 发表评论于
回复西门祝的评论:

谢谢首长指示,我会戒骄戒躁戒push.
金笔 发表评论于
恭喜,贵公子乃有才之人也。。。
西门祝 发表评论于
少爷自己有兴趣,他迟早自己会走这条路。千万不要 over push,小孩有自尊心,你一 push,他不干了。还不如鼓励他的兴趣方向,因势利导,有事半功倍的效果。切切。。。
work&family 发表评论于
回复金笔的评论:

谢谢好建议!我没有想到这个可能,因为孩子一直对这方面感兴趣。赶紧试了一下,没有找到其他完全相同的出处,倒是马上找到了我的博克。上初一。
work&family 发表评论于
回复西门祝的评论:

我也是这么想,还写了这篇“推妈不止”
http://blog.wenxuecity.com/myblog/34338/201303/12916.html

目前只能说未遂。
西门祝 发表评论于
少爷如不想当临床医师,学 Pharmacology 或 Biochemistry 今后搞研究也很好玩。只要能找到 Grant,没有搞临床的压力。混进 Sandia Lab 一类的,吃喝玩乐挺开心呢。哈哈。。。
金笔 发表评论于
建议您将作文随机的选几句,加上双引号,google 一下,如果不是抄的话,那这个孩子很了不起。
写的基本不错,是初几?
西门祝 发表评论于
少爷有上医学院的潜质。可先从 Biology、或 Neuroscience 入门,进医学院。日后上 Pharmacology 或学临床。先道喜了。
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