1 A new employee 新员工
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.
一个年轻人在被雇用几个星期后，被叫到人事经理的办公室。
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held."
“这是什么意思？”经理问，“当你申请这份工作时，你告诉我们有五年工作经验，现在我们发现这其实是你的第一份工作。”
"Well, "the young man said, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination. "
“嗯，”年轻人回答，“你们的广告上说需要找一个有想象力的人嘛。
2 Why didn't you go with him? 你为什么不跟他一起去呢？
When l was in the grocery store I heard my friend moan, "Oh, did I just make a faux pas!" I stopped thumping melons and gave her my full attention.
在杂货店里我听见我的朋友呻吟着说：“噢，我刚才不是冒犯人家了吗？”我停止拍打甜瓜，全神贯注地听她讲。
"I ran into Mrs. Jones," she wailed. "I didn't know that her husband died last week, and I asked her how he was feeling. She said, ‘He’s gone.’ I assumed he went someplace for his health，and I said......"
“我碰见了琼斯太太，”她哀道着。“我不知道她丈夫上周去逝了，我问她他身体怎么样。她说：‘他去了。’我以为他因为健康原因去了什么地方，我说......"
The words seemed to stick in her throat.
话似乎噎在了她的喉咙口。
"What did you say? ¨l prodded her. "Good riddance?"
“你说什么了？”我催促她，“死了倒干净？”
"Worse than that. I said, 'Why didn't you go with him?"
“比那还糟呢.我是说‘你为什么不陪他一起去呢？"
3 The new baby新生儿
Mr. and Mrs. Taylor had a seven-year-old boy named Pat. Now Mrs. Taylor was expecting another child.
泰勒夫妇有一个七岁的男孩，名叫帕特。现在泰勒太太正怀着第二胎。
Pat had seen babies in other people's houses and had not liked them very much, so he was not delighted about the news that there was soon going to be one in his house too.
帕特在别人家看见过婴儿，他不太喜欢他们，所以他对自己家里也将有一个婴儿的消息感到不满。
One evening Mr. and Mrs. Taylor were making plans for the baby's arrival. "This house won't be big enough for us all when the baby comes,” said Mr. Taylor.
一天晚上，泰勒夫妇正在为这个婴儿的降生计划做安排。泰勒先生说：“有了婴儿，我们的房子就太小，不够住了。”
Pat came into the room just then and said, "What are you talking about? 一"We were saying that we‘"have to move to another house now ,because the new baby's coming," his mother answered.
帕特恰好在这个时候走进屋，他问：“你们在说什么？”他的母亲回答说：“我们在说我们得搬家，因为婴儿就要诞生了。”
“It’s no use," said Pat hopelessly, "He'll follow us there."
“搬了房子也不够用，帕特绝望地说，他也会跟我们到那儿去的。"
4 Have you ceased beating your wife? 你停止打你妻子了吗？
This story is told of browbeating counsel, who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent's witnesses.
这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于设法恐吓对方的证人。
One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations.
有一个证人习惯于在回答间题之前先做番冗长的解释。
“I want 'yes' or ‘no,’” thundered counsel. "There is no need for you to argue the point!"
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，一辩护律师怒喝道：¨你没有必要就这个问题进行辩论。
“But there are some questions which cannot be answered by ' yes' or no,’" mildly responded the witness.
“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。
"There are not!" snapped the lawyer.
“不存在这样的问题”律师愚蠢地厉声说。
"Oh," said the witness, "answer this then: "Have you ceased beating your wife?"
"噢，”证人说：“那么回答这个问题：你停止打你妻子了吗？”
5 An advertisement for modem bicycle摩登自行车广告
Tom saw an advertisement in a newspaper for a beautiful modern bicycle which cost￡50, so he went to the shop to have a look.
汤姆在报纸上看到一辆很漂亮的摩登自行车的广告，标价50英镑，于是他到商店去看一看。
After examining the bicycle carefully, Tom turned to the shopkeeper and said, "There isn't a lamp on this bicycle, but there was one on the bicycle in your advertisement.” "Yes, sir, "answered the shopkeeper, "but the lamp isn't included in the price of the bicycle. It’s an extra.""Not included in the price of bicycle?" Tom said angrily, "But' that's not honest. lf the lamp's in the advertisement, it should have been included in the price you gave there.
汤姆很仔细地看完那辆自行车后，转过身对店主说：“这辆自行车少了一盏灯，但在广告上的自行车是有的”是的，先生，”店主回答说，“但那盏灯不包括在自行车的价格里面，是另外收费的。”“不包括在自行车价格里面？”汤姆很生气．“但这是不诚实的。如果灯在广告上，它就应该包括在你所标出的价格之内。”
"Well, sir, "answered the shopkeeper calmly, "there is also a girl on the bicycle in our advertisement, shall we supply one for you too?"
“嗯，先生，”店主冷静地回答：“在我们的自行车广告上还有一个女孩，难道我们也要为您提供一个吗？”
6 The top nine most popular reasons for not doing homework:
九个不做作业最流行的借口：
1. My computer crashed and l lost it.
1．电脑死机了，我做的作业（因没有保存）丢失了。
2. I finished my homework but then I deleted it by accident.
2．虽然我已经完成了作业，但后来不小心把它删除了。
3. I could not print it out.
3．打印机坏了．作业打不出来。
4. My internet was down so I could not do any research.
4．网断了，我没法上网查资料。
5．I lost my laptop.
5．我的笔记本电脑丢了。
6. My dad's computer was hacked by the Russians and they stole my homework．
6．我爸爸的电脑被俄罗斯黑客入侵，他们偷走了我的作业。
7. A burglar stole my printed-out homework along with the computer．
7．有个贼把我打印好的作业连同电脑一齐偷走了。
8. The PC exploded when our dog went to the toilet on it.
8．我家的狗狗把电脑当厕所，结果把电脑弄炸了。
9. I accidentally tipped a bottle of cider over the computer and broke．
9．我不小心把一杯苹果汁洒在电脑上，电脑就坏了。
