1 这是个法律问题 It’s the Law
A slender, delicate, immaculately dressed Englishman was explaining to the visiting American about British law. "You know, homosexuality was once considered so heinous in Britain that it was punishable by execution. Only 100 years ago, it was reduced to a misdemeanor, and about 50 years ago, decriminalized altogether. . . Personally, I shan't be satisfied till it's mandatory! "
一位身材修长，举止文雅，穿着光鲜的英国人向来访的美国人解释英国法律。“你知道吗？在英国，同性恋从前被认为是罪大恶极，可判处极刑，一百年前，被减为行为失检之轻微罪刑。大约五十年前则完全不触犯刑法……。不过就我个人而言，非要等到法令强制大家都得同性恋时，我才会开心。”
2 也要谦虚为怀 And Modest Too
"The man I marry must be as wise as Solomon, as mighty as Hercules, as brave as Admiral Nelson, and as graceful as Nureyev.”
"How fortunate we met!”
“我要结婚的对象必须要像所罗门王一样聪明，像赫克力士一样强壮，像纳尔逊上将一样英勇，并和苏联芭蕾舞蹈家诺瑞耶夫一样优雅。”
“很幸运能见到你！”
3 爬得越高跌得越重 The Bigger They Are the Harder They Fall
The psychiatrist was a bit perturbed. He had cured his patient of his delusions but still the man did not seem happy.
"What's the matter, Mr. Jones?" he inquired. "Aren't you glad to be dealing with the world realistically?"
"Oh, sure. Doc, sure.... Only, last year I was Genghis Khan(成吉思汗) and now I' m nobody ! "
一位心理医师感到有些厌烦。他已治好一名病人的幻想症，但那名患者似乎仍然不快乐。
“到底是怎么一回事，琼斯先生？”他询问道。“难道你不喜欢踏实地面对周围的一切吗？
“喔，是的，医生，我是很愿意。只是去年我还是成吉思汗，现在我成了无名之辈！”
4 不费吹灰之力 NO Sweat!
There were four passengers in the small aircraft as it sputtered over the Andes; a businessman, an inventor, a priest and a laid -back budget traveler.
Suddenly the pilot entered the cabin and told them the horrible news: "Gentlemen, the plane is going down. I'm going to try to crash-land it, but you must all jump. "
Naturally, the men were horrified and even more so when they discovered that there were only three parachutes.
The businessman said, "Sirs, I employ thousands of people. Their lives and those of their families depend on me. I think you'll agree that I must survive. “He promptly put on a parachute and leaped.
The inventor rose, already adjusting the straps. "I'm the smartest man in the world. My inventions have transformed the lives of millions. There’s no telling how much good I may yet do. Goodbye. “And he, too, jumped from the plane.
The priest was serene, and interrupted his prayers to speak to the traveler. "I am a man of God, my son; I have no fear of death. Take the last parachute and save your life. "
"Hey, it’s cool, Father. There’re still two parachutes left. The smartest man in the world just jumped out of the plane wearing my backpack. "
一架正飞越安第斯山脉的小飞机上坐着四名乘客：一名商人，一名发明家，一位神父和一个靠预算过日子、看起来懒懒散散的旅行者。
突然，驾驶员走进舱告诉他们可怕的消息：“各位先生，这架飞机正失控下降中，我要设法迫降，但你们必须先跳下飞机。”
当然，那几个人都吓得目瞪口呆，尤其是当他们发现只有三个降落伞可以使用时，更是心惊胆战。
那名商人说道：“各位先生，我雇用好几千名员工，他们都要靠我养家活口，我想你们都同意我必须活着回去。”说着他便穿上一具降落伞跳出飞机去。
接着发明家站了起来，调整了肩带说道：“我是世界上最聪明的人，我的发明改变了成千上万人的生活。我还会对大众造多少福难以估计。再见了，各位！”他也跟着跳出机舱。
神父心平气和，中断祷告，对旅行者说道：“小伙子，我是信奉上帝的人，我对死并不畏惧，剩下的降落伞你就拿去用，逃命去吧！”
“嘿，神父，真是太棒了！我们还有两个降落伞。那个自称世界上最聪明的人背了我的背包跳出去了。”
5 哇！那个真是大得吓人 Wow! That's a Bi g One!
One day a tourist walked into a Texas tavern and ordered a shot of whiskey. The bartender put a big tumbler full of whiskey in front of him.
"What’s this?" asked the tourist.
"Why, it’s a shot of whiskey! Don't you know that everything is big in Texas?"
Then, an armadillo ran past the door.
“What was that?" asked the tourist.
"Why, that was a Texas cockroach.”
By this time, the whiskey had gone to the tourist's bladder as well as his head, and he asked the location of the bathroom. The bartender directed him to go down the hall and to the right, but the tourist turned left instead and fell into the swimming pool.
The bartender heard the splash and went to investigate. As he put his head in the door, he heard the tourist cry. "Don’t flush the toilet!”
某一天一位观光客走进一家德州酒店点了一杯威士忌，酒保竞给他一大杯的酒。
“这是什么呢？，’观光客问道。
“怎么了，那是你点的酒，难道你不知道德州每样东西都大得吓人。”
那时刚好有一只穿山甲跑过酒店门口。
“那是什么东西？’观光客又问。
“哦，那是只德州蟑螂！”
喝了酒，观光客感到腹胀头昏，他问哪里有洗手间，酒保告诉他下楼后右转，但观光客却向左转，跌落在酒店的游泳池中。
酒保听到水声跑出去看个究竟，刚把头伸进门就听到观光客大叫，“不要按动马桶冲水哟！
6 你能不能快一点？ Could You Hurry It up a little?
A man and his wife were cleaning out the attic when the husband found an ancient receipt.
"Hey, Nancy, look at this. It's a receipt for a pair of shoes I left to be repaired and never picked up. It’s eleven years old."
"You know, that shoe repair shop is still there," replied the wife.
"Why don't you just drop in there and hand him the receipt as if it were nothing unusual.”
And that is what the husband did. Quietly the cobbler went to the back of his shop and poked around a bit, came back to the counter and said "They’ll be ready next Tuesday.”
一对夫妇正在清理阁楼，这时先生发现一张过期很久的旧收据。
“嘿，南茜，你过来看看这个，这张是以前皮鞋送修的收据，我忘了去拿回来，足足有十一年之久了！”
“那间鞋店不是还在那里吗？”妻子回答。
“为什么不跑一趟，把收据交给他，就当作没事发生一样？"
先生去了那家鞋店。鞋匠静静地走到后头，东翻西翻了一会儿之后，回到柜台说道：“下星期二才能修好！”
(from Internet)
