Positive pushing

Jim Taylor, Ph.D.

Part I SELF-ESTEEM
Ch1 Aren't I good enough for you?
Security vs. Competence
self--esteem is made up of two essential components.
--children's need to feel that they are loved, valued, and appreciated by their parents.(过去的三十年self-esteem movement，此书02年出版)
--the sense of competence and mastery over one's life.
global belief, specific belief, self-reflection
Rules for Achievement and Happiness
1. Let ur attitude determine ur achievement. Don't let ur a determine ur a.
2. Our emotions get in the way of doing for ourselves what we would like to do for others.
3. Don't be afraid to be a kid--have fun.

Ch2 Can't you just love me for me?
Bartering vs. Giving love
Unconditional love
追溯50年代及至到movement，"love if you obey and behave" to "Free love without limits"
You should be tough on your child. but being tough does not mean being negative, critical, or punitive.
Being tough means holding your child to high standards that reflect your values and belief about yourself, family, edu, career, and society...

Ch3 Who is the real me?
在媒体影响下寻找 true self
False Self or True Self: ur Choice
1. Negativity breeds negativity.
2. Disparagement breeds distrust.
3. Contunual criticism breeds defensiveness.
4. Lectures breed resistance.


Part II OWNERSHIP
Ch 4 Whose life is this, anyway?
Parent needs vs. Child needs
中心问题是 parents who r unable to gain sufficient meaning, validation, and satisfaction from their own work, relationships, or other activities.
Sharing in ur child's achievements and living vicariously through him is subtle but powerful distinction.前者places the focus on him. The emphasis is on what the experience means to him, the emotions he is feeling, the lessons he learns, and the benefits he gains from the experience.
with sharing, it is all about your child. 而后者是you.

Gain and Maintain Perspective: The primary purpose of my child's participation in this achievement  activity is to gain life lessons and psychological, emotional, social and possibly physical benefits including, but not limited to fun,love, and...

The Sibling Factor
time , attention, resources, and affection
and you must be especially sensitive to the needs of the less accomplished siblings.

Ch5 Who's in charge here?
Ch6 Why won't you let me grow up?
Life Lessons for Ownership
1. There is nor free lunch. Don't feel entitled to anything u don't sweat and struggle for.
2. Set goals  and work quietly and systematically toward them.
3. Assign yourself.
4. Don't be afraid of taking risks of being criticized.
5. Never give up.
6. Be confident that u can make a difference.
7. Be a can-do, will-try person.
8. U r in charge of ur own attitude.
9. Be reliable. Be faithful. Finish what u start.

Part III EMOTIONAL MASTERY
Ch 7 Why am I so scared?

The Goal of Positive Pushing
1. I am loved(sense of value)
2. I'm capable(sense of competence)
3. It is important to try(value of effort)
4. I'm responsible for my day(sense of ownership)
5. It is okay to make mistakes (accept imperfections)
6. I can handle things when they go wrong(responding to adversity)
7. I enjoy what I do (value of passion and happiness)
8. I can change(being a master)