Sending you lots of hugs. I can relate to you. My mom died in her early 50s, when I was in my 20s. it has been 11 years, and I still cry sometimes. I cried every night for the first year. It has been very hard. if there is next life, I want to be her mother, then I can do everything right. for a long time, I couldn't make peace with sufferings and hurt that she went thru (I am not sure if I am 100% at peace now) . I guess the only thing I can think of is to be nice to yourself and live a good life. your life is the continuation of your mother's life. If you are well, then your mom is well. that would be what she wanted the most for you. I think I have accepted the fact that I am sad about her death. I don't try to think that it is ok. I just think that it is the way it is, we all die, and that is sad. but from a much bigger perspective, from the perspective of universe and time, a person's life span is so utterly short and trivial. I guess that makes things less sad. anyway, sorry about rambling on. hugs.
