1 雇主和工人/Employer and Workman
Workman: "Mr. Brown, I would like a small rise in my wages. I just got married."
Employer: "Very sorry, my dear man, but I can't help you. We are not responsible for the accidents that happen outside the factory."
工人：“布朗先生，我想请您给我加一点工资。我刚刚结了婚。”
雇主：“非常抱歉，老兄，但是我无能为力。对在厂外发生的事故我们概不负责。”
2 准确的报道/An Accurate Report
An editor stuck up a notice above his desk. It read, "Accuracy! Accuracy! Accuracy!" and he always pointed it out to the new reporters.
One day a young reporter came to hand in his report of a public meeting. The editor read it through and noticed the sentence, "Three thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine eyes were fixed upon the speaker."
He demanded angrily, "What do you mean by making a stupid mistake like that?" The reporter protested, "But it's not a mistake. There was a one-eyed man in the audience."
有个主编在他的办公桌的上方贴了一条标语，写着“准确”“ 准确”“准确！”而且总是向新来的记者指出它。
有一天，有个年轻的记者交给他一篇关于一个公众大会的报道。主编认真审阅时注意到有一句话是“三千九百九十九只眼睛都注视着发言的人。”
他就很生气的责问到：“犯了这么愚蠢的错误。你怎么搞的嘛？”记者申辩道：“这可不是错误，听众中有一个人是瞎了一只眼睛的。”
3 在20世纪30年代买的椅子/Chairs bought in the 1930s
The fine-furniture store where I work has been in business since the 1920s. Recently I received a call from a woman who wanted to replace some chairs from a dining set purchased from us in the 1930s. I assured her we could help and sought the assistance of the office manager. "You'll never believe this one," I told him. "I just got a call from a customer who bought some chairs from us in the 1930s." Before I could finish repeating her request, he interrupted and said, "Don't tell me she hasn't received them yet!"
我所工作的精品家具商店是从20世纪二十年代以来就营业的。最近我接到一个妇女的电话。她想换一套餐厅组合中的一些椅子。这套餐厅组合她是在三十年代从我们这儿买的。我向她保证说我们可以帮她的忙，于是我向部门经理寻求帮助。“你永远也不会相信，”我对他说，“我刚接到一个顾客的电话，她在三十年代从我们这里买了一些椅子。” 我还没来得及说完她的要求，经理就打断了我的话：“你别告诉我她到现在还没收到货！”
4 自命不凡的学者/A Pretentious Scholar
A pretentious scholar was keen to show off. One day when he was being rowed across a stream, he asked the boatman: "Do you understand philosophy?"
"No, sir, " said the boatman.
"Then, " said the scholar, "one-fourth of your life is gone." After a while he asked again, "Do you know geology?" "Nothing at all," said the boatman.
"Well, that makes one half of your life gone," said the scholar. Just then the boat suddenly tipped over. The boatman asked: "Can you swim?"
The scholar said, gasping for breath: "No." "Then your whole life is gone," said the boatman.
有个自命不凡的学者喜欢卖弄。有一天他乘一只小船过河去时，问船夫：“你懂哲学吗？”
船夫说：“不懂哇，先生。”
学者就说：“那你的一生有四分之一算完了。”过了一会儿他又问：“你知道地质学吗？” 船夫说：“一点也不懂。”
学者就说：“那你的一生的已有一半算完了。” 就在这时，小船忽然翻了，船夫问学者：“你会游水吗？”
学者喘着气说：“不会啊。”船夫说：“那你的一生就全完啦。”
5 没有必要/It was unnecessary
A man stopped at a place where a fundraiser was being raised for fencing the cemetery. A lot of people had made donations.
The man thought it was unnecessary to do so. He said, "I have two reasons. In the first place, no one in the cemetery can get out; and in the second place, no one out want to get in."
有一个人在一个地方停了下来，看到那里正在为墓地建造一道栅栏募集捐款。很多人捐了钱。
这个人认为没有必要这样做。他说：“我有两个理由，首先，墓地里的人没有一个人能够出来；其次，外面的人也没有一个会想进去。”
6 最想要的签名/The most wanted autograph
Our university newspaper runs a weekly question feature. Recently, the question was: "Whose autograph would you most want to have, and why?" As expected, most responses mentioned music or sports stars, or politicians. The best response came from a freshman, who said, "The person who signs my diploma."
我们大学的校报开办了一个每周一问的专栏。最近的问题是：“你最想要什么人的签名？为什么？”和预计的一样，大部分的回答都是歌星、体育明星或者政治家。但是，最优秀的答案来自一个一年级新生，他说：“签署我毕业证的那个人。”
