1 独自在家/Home Alone
My wife always keep people from knowing she is home alone. One evening when I was working late, my wife heard a knock on the door. She ignored it, but the knocking continued. Frantic, she began to bark, softly at first, then louder and louder. Much to her relief, the knocking soon stopped.
The next day the paper boy came to the door to collect money. "I came by last night," he told me, "but I left when your wife barked at me!"
我妻子独自在家时，总是不想让别人知道家里没有其他的人。一天晚上，我工作到很晚。我妻子听到有人敲门，她就没理，但敲门的声音总是不停，慌乱之中，她开始学狗叫。一开始她低声地叫，随后她的叫声越来越大。敲门声很快地停了，她这才松了口气。
第二天，送报的小孩来我家收钱，那小孩告诉我:“我昨晚上就来了，你老婆冲我学狗叫，我就走了。”
2 What Was It She Wanted?
A store manager heard a clerk told a customer. “No, ma’am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting soon.” Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, “Of course, we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drew the clerk aside: “Never, never, never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now what was it she wanted?” “Rain.” said the clerk.
一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说：“不，夫人，这会儿没有，一时半会儿看来也不会有。”经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说：“当然，马上就会有的。我们上周订了货。”然后经理把店员拉到一边：“千万，千万，千万不要说我们没有什么——说我们已经订了货，货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么?” “雨，”店员说。
3 你一个，我一个
One late autumn evening two boys, having collected a sack full of chestnuts, decided to share them out in a graveyard. On their way in one of the boys dropped the sack and two of the chestnuts rolled out. "We' ll get those later,” he said, and then they went to divide up the remainder. As they were counting them out a small girl happened to be crossing the graveyard, and to her horror she heard from behind a bush a voice say, "One for you, one for me. One for you , one for me” In terror she rushed to the gate and bumped into a policeman, "What' s the matter, little girl?" he asked, for she was obviously in great distress.
"Oh, Mr. Policeman!" She wailed, "There're ghosts in the graveyard, and they're sharing out the dead bodies! Listen!”
And as she held a trembling finger to her lips they heard a voice say, "One for you, one for me. And we mustn’t forget those two by the gate!”
一个深秋的晚上，两个男孩捡了一袋栗子准备到墓地里去平分。在进去的路上，一个男孩不小心把袋子掉在了地上，两颗栗子滚了出去。“我们过会儿再来找。”他说。他们就进去分其余的栗子。在他们分栗子时，碰巧有一个小姑娘从墓地穿过。她惊恐万分地听到树丛后面有个声音在说:“你一个，我一个，你一个，我一个!”她吓得急忙跑到门口，正撞上一个警察。警察见她万分恐惧，就问:“小姑娘，出了什么事了?”
“噢，警察先生。”她哭着说，“墓地里面有鬼，他们在分死尸呢!你听!”
她把颤抖的手指竖在嘴唇前，这时他们听见一个声音说:“你一个，我一个，咱们可别忘了门口那两个!”
4 玛丽的学校/Mary's school
Mary was an English girl, but she lived in Rome. She was six years old.
Last year her mother said to her, "You're six years old now, Mary, and you're going to begin going to a school here. You're going to like it very much, because it's a nice school." "Is it an English school?" Mary asked. "Yes, it is," her mother said.
Mary went to the school, and enjoyed her lessons. Her mother always took her to school in the morning and brought her home in the afternoon.
Last Monday her mother went to the school at 4 o'clock, and Mary ran out of her class. "We've got a new girl in our class today, Mummy," she said. "She's six years old too, and she's very nice, but she isn't English. She's German." "Does she speak English?" Mary's mother asked. "No, but she laughs in English," Mary said happily.
玛丽是一个英国女孩，但她住在罗马。她6岁了。
去年，她的母亲对她说：“你现在已经六岁了，玛丽，并且将要开始去上学了。你会很喜欢它，因为它是一所非常好的学校。”玛丽问道：“它是一所英语学校吗？”她的母亲回答道：“是的，它是。”
玛丽来到了学校，并且她非常喜欢上课，她的母亲总是早上带她去学校，下午接她回家。
上周一，她的母亲4点钟来到学校，玛丽从她班级里跑出来。她说道：“妈妈，今天我们班新来了一个女孩儿，她也六岁了，她非常漂亮，但是她不是英国人，她是德国人。”玛丽的母亲问道：“那她是说英语吗？”玛丽高兴地回答：“不是，但是她笑用英语。”
5 老夫老妻
A couple had been married for 50 years. "Things have really changed,” she said. "You used to sit very close to me.”
"Well，I can remedy that ,”he said, moving next to her on the couch.
"And you used to hold me tight.”
"How's that?" He asked as he gave her a hug.
"Do you remember you used to nudge my neck and nibble on my ear lobes?"
He jumped to his feet and left the room. "Where are you going?” she asked.
"I'll be right back ,” he said, "I've got to get my teeth!”
一对夫妻结婚已经五十年了。“今非昔比啦!”她说，过去你总是紧紧地挨着我坐。”
“嗯，我可以做些补救，”他说，挪到长沙发上，坐在她的旁边。
“过去你总是紧紧地抱着我。”
“怎么样?”他拥抱了她一下，问道。
“你记不记得过去你总是贴近我的脖子，咬我的耳朵?”
他跳起来离开了房间。“你去哪儿?”她问道。
“我马上就回来，”他说，“我得去取我的牙齿!”
6 圣诞树
Searching through row upon row of Christmas trees, my husband Norm and I picked one we liked. Then I noticed the one being held by a woman nearby was the perfect tree. I watched as she carried it around the lot and couldn’t believe my eyes when she set it aside.
I ditched ours and ran over to grab the coveted tree. "Aren't we lucky?" I said to Norm. "I do feel a little guilty, however, for taking it before she could change her mind.”
"I wouldn’t worry,” he replied, "she just ran over and snatched ours."
我和丈夫诺姆挑选圣诞树，挑了一排又一排，终于选了一棵中意的。这时我注意到旁边一位妇女手里拿的一棵—那是一棵绝好的圣诞树。她拿着那棵树在那个地方走来走去，我就一直看着。当她将树放到一边时，我简直都不敢相信我的眼睛了。
我丢开我们选的那棵，跑过去一把抓住那棵我垂涎已久的圣诞树。“我们真走运!”我对诺姆说:“不过，我确实觉得有点愧疚，在她还没来得及改变主意之前就把它拿了下来。”
“我一点都不担心，”他回答说。“她刚刚跑过来把我们那棵抢走了。”
