Anne Frank

(旧作)
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一直想读读感动了全世界的Anne Frank 的日记,一直却没读;总想着找那么个安静的幽居的日子,去慢慢地读,慢慢地体会。
 
这个星期,除了上班,不管是坐车,还是在家里,在公园里,硬把这本书一页一页地,一字一字地读完了。
 
读着她的书,每天都会泪流满面,无法去想其它事情。
 
Anne是个精神世界极其丰富的女孩,即使不是in hiding把她催长成一个心智早熟的女孩;无论把她放在哪儿,即使在和平的日子里,她都会在世人中突显出来,因为她有这样的特质。就象Steven King’s The Shawshank Redemption中Red说Andy的:Sometimes it makes me sad, though….Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.
 
首先,Anne是一个follow her heart成长的女孩。她非常知道她是什么样的人,她想要什么。她想成为一位记者,一个作家,一个即使死后也会活着的人。这些她全做到了。她的日记就是那二次世界大战年代in hiding犹太人的最好的时事记述;她的日记用一颗纯真的心完整地记录了她有限生命的自我涅槃,自我成长的过程,是一本不可多年的文学杰作。她离开她钟爱的世界已经60多年了,但她的日记在被全世界广为阅读,成为身陷困境者的一盏明灯。你只要读过她的日记,她将进入你的心里,成为你后来生活之旅中心灵成长的一部分。
 
I want to go on living even after my death! And therefore I am grateful to God for giving me this gift, this possibility of developing myself and of writing, of expressing all that is in me.
 
I can shake off everything if I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn. But, and that is the great question, will I ever be able to write anything great, will I ever become a journalist or a writer? I hope so, oh, I hope so very much, for I can recapture everything when I write, my thoughts, my ideas and my fantasies.
 
她预示着她未来将不会象她的妈妈姐姐及Mrs. Van Dann一样,成为一个世俗的女子,因为平庸而被世人遗忘,她将会独立独行,成为时代的一个声音。世上这样的特质的女子有多少呢?只要看看时间的长河,你就会发现真没多少。我相信她会的,如果她活着的话。
 
I want to get on. I can’t imagine that I would have to lead the same sort of life as Mummy and Mrs. Van Dann and all the women who do their work and are then forgotten. I must have something besides a husband and children, something that I can devote myself to!
 
她的爱情观也很感性,完全是依从自己的内心。她爱上Peter时才不到15岁,而她的妈妈在婚前还没敢跟其它男子牵过手。但她认可了自己的爱情,因为她的内心强大,已远超过她的年龄,并且她知道她在做什么,并且也能承担。她非常渴望爱情能进一步发展,如得到一个kiss等亲密的关系,那心态非常自然,感性的让人感动。当她的父亲劝告她,希望她不要过于陷入与Peter的关系,因为这在战争in hiding的特殊年代,特定环境,因为她出去后,他们将会面临新的生活,而Peter只是一个容易受时事感染的孩子,她哭了,哭得很厉害,她的父亲也哭了。因为通过这件事,她一步步地也理解了自己,Peter,还有家人。她从最初的狂热的爱到慢慢地清醒,完全了一个恋爱的过程。可怜的是,这么纯真,这么懂得爱并且是真正懂得爱的女孩子,却这么早夭了。如果她能结婚,如果能成为母亲,那将会成为人类史上,多么灿烂的星星。
 
I know myself that I’m starting very soon, not even fifteen, and so independent already. It’s certainly hard for other people to understand, I know almost for certain that Margot would never kiss a boy unless there had been some talk of an engagement or marriage, but neither Peter nor I have anything like that in mind.
 
Oh, Anne, how scandalous! But honestly, I don’t think it is. We are shut up here, shut away from the world, in fear and anxiety, especially just lately. Why, then should we who love each other remain apart? Why should we who love each other remain apart? Why should we wait until we’ve reached a suitable age? Why should we bother?
 
I have taken it upon myself to look after myself; he would never want to cause me sorrow or pain. Why shouldn’t I follow the way my heart leads me, if it makes us both happy….
 
在众人眼里,她还是个小女孩子,但大家都忽视了,或不能意识到,这是一位心智极为丰富的女孩子。In hiding的日子,她跟50多岁的牙医同一个房间,抢着书桌,被Mrs. Van Dann无休止地挑剔与压制,青春期的自我意识地觉醒,让她心灵饱受摧残。尽管她有来自己父母的热爱,但这样的女孩子注定孤独。
 
Daddy and Mummy have always thoroughly spoiled me, were sweet to me, defended me, and have done all that parents could do. And yet I’ve felt so terribly lonely for a long time, so left out, neglected, and misunderstood.
 
好在,她有一颗自我反省的心,自我拯救的灵魂,所以,她经常用一个自我与另一个自我对话,而在这样的环境和心境中自我涅槃,而净化成长。
 
Daddy tried all he could to check my rebellious spirit, but it was no use, I have cured myself, by seeing for myself what was wrong in my behavior and keeping it before my eyes.
 
当战争快要结束时,她及其它共8个人被出卖了。德军只是想从他们躲藏的地方找出金银珠宝,当日记洒落地上时,他们根本不在乎也不在意。事实证明,人类历史上真正能留下的,只有那精神财富。这就是今天的Anne Frank – The Diary of a Young Girl.
 
据说,Anne死时很和平与安详,并且她被带到集中营时反而是高兴。我能理解她,因为这样一个热爱生活的女孩子,这么善于表达的女孩子,长期禁锢的生活对她身心是个摧残。即使知道自己在死亡的道路上加速行走,但能在社会里,在自然里,哪怕极其恶劣的环境里,她还是释放了自己,见到了自己的同学,能哭到眼泪全干了。可怜的Anne….
 
战后,只是Anne的父亲还活着,当他终于鼓起勇气来读他女儿的日记时,连他自己也不敢相信自己的女儿那么丰富的内心世界,以及她心灵所遭到的困扰与折磨,他也表明他不了解自己的孩子。
 
当如今世人如Anne一样写日记,或去参观她的in hiding 的地方,但我觉得Anne Frank只有一个,不可复制。唯有当旧居作为museum开放之前,她父亲的一张照片,让我动容不已。因为他父亲站在屋子的柱子旁,物是人非,妻女皆亡,这是一种这样的悲哀,静默,与荒凉。
 
看着Anne的照片,看着她写的文字,听着她的呼喊:we, the most oppressed, the unhappiest, perhaps the most pitiful of all peoples of the whole world. I hope one thing only, and that is that this hatred of the Jews will be a passing thing, that the Dutch will show what they are after all, and that they will never totter and lose their sense of right.听着她所说的:我们犹太人所受的罪希望成为世人清醒的警钟,成为一个榜样,我就泪流满面。
 
我不知道为什么人类如此憎恨犹太人。我只知道 Lord of the Flies, when a group of British boys stuck on an uninhabited island who try to govern themselves with disastrous results. 当逃跑的男孩子最终被世人看到,而他与及后面追杀他的全部男孩子都哭时,我在电影院里哭得唏哩哗啦。
 
因为太震撼了。因为在我们人世间,这世态炎凉,恃强凌弱,比比皆是,而大家都不知道自己正是那动物的一种,也在散发着动物的本性:对弱小者追逐,杀戮….
 
只有当自己生活在社会的低层,只有当生活有所残缺的时候,那对世态的感受才更为深刻,因为你就是那被追逐者,你清醒地感受着……
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