The deal closed on the last day of 2019 for the brand new three-story modern
home in Mountain View. A giant mortgage ended the financial freedom Bill had
enjoyed for years on the east side of the Bay. It did not, however, weighed on
him like an albatross as his first house did ten years ago. How his thinking had
changed!
Amy started looking years ago on the peninsula. The biggest motivations for her
were a modern home, better high school and shorter commute. As the family
shauffeur, he would benefit more than anyone else, but Bill was lukewarm at
best. Allergic to modernity, he never joined her on weekends to see open-houses
and did not take even one look at the shiny pictures she brought back. When she
was excited at 'opportunities,' he saw only trappings. They reminded him of the
dialog between a talented author working as a screenwriter in Hollywood and his
visiting friend from "The Harder They Fall" by Budd Schulberg.
"But why can't you get out?" I said. "What holds you?"
"All I need is jus' one good credit, an' some o' this gold. I need more
gold, Eddie, and then I'll--go to Mexico, six months, maybe a year,
rediscover my soul, Eddie."
"But Dave," I said, "I can't figure it. You've been making big dough for
years. You must have enough to ..."
"This isn't dough," Dave said. "Dough sticks to your palms. This is a
handful of worms that slip through your fingers. Know what this house cost
me, Eddie? ..."
Bill was touched nonetheless by a single-minded pursuit of a better life and a
mother's devotion to her kid, however misguided in his view. It reminded him of
his own mom.
Independent and unconventional, his mom married late. Her elementary education,
however, did not limit her dreams for a better future. In her twenties, she
worked hard, joined the Party and became the leader of the local Women's
Association. When she did marry, she picked the son of an anti-revolutionist and
moved in with her inlaws in the village to till the land. She must have been such
an idealist. Attracted to a college graduate (rare at the time), she tragically
underestimated the historical baggages of that family and the challenges ahead.
She would definitely have made a different choice had she forseen what was
coming but would she be happy for that other choice?
Within two years, living apart from a husband who worked hundreds of miles away
and under the same roof with people who did not embrace her as their own (They
saw her as a threat to steal away their prize-winning male heir.) had become too
much. She saw no future and took action. She found a part-time job in town
through a friend and transferred her files and hukou (户口) out of the village. No
one from a good peasant family had rebelled like this before. With one stroke,
she changed her own life course and set the path for her child, born a year later.
The older he grew, the more Bill appreciated and admired her daring.
Today, the torch has been passed onto Bill himself, in a different setup of
course. If he wants to rid the damage of the long past, he must let go of his
ego. It is not about him anymore. It might never have been. Instead, he must
love, pay attention to details, and try to make the best choices for everyone,
himself included. Fortunately, he feels strong enough.
"OK. You can turn on the squeeze," he said in front of the sparkling, tech-laden
new house: "but it's up to me to feel it."
