The fear of death can be due to the fear of the pain of death or fear of annihilation or fear of going to hell or fear of separation from loved ones or a combination of these. I'm afraid the suffering associated with the dying process and the fact that I have never lived my true nature.
- ignorance: people (including myself) fear that death means the end of everything. The best way to conquer this fear is to find out whether there is life after death. It is almost impossible to verify unless you have a near-death experience or you have an unshakable faith. From the research of thanatologists, they've discovered that the process of dying is not painful. If ever there is pain or suffering, it doesn't come from dying itself but from whatever disease the person is suffering from. I can't get any comfort from the idea that death releases the person from the suffering from the disease. I do not understand the teaching that pain is unavoidable but suffering is avoidable at this moment.
- unpreparedness: another source of fear of death is unprepareness. People often don't think about these things because they dread the thought of death. Thanatologists declare the less they prepare for these things, the more they will be afraid of death. Hence, it is advisable for us to arrange our affairs and documents now, so that if anything happens to us, we have left instructions with soembody who will be able to attend to matters that need attention. The tax people call it "control after death". I don't care about will, estate, tax bill at death, feneral or insurance. I have no indebtedness and I also have no large estate. I'm neither a burden nor a blessing. My family is so simple. No need to prepare and no willingness to get ready to die at my current level of consciousness. I don't worry my family and I know they will live very well without me in every perspective of life. I shall feel good about it but I feel sad. It is my ego's drama. On the other hand, I feel that if my family members die, I can't live alone. Not because I love them more than they love me but because I can't live an independent life style. I'm afraid darkness and driving. My burden is heavier. I'm not only afraid of my own death but also of my family's. It is an inadequenty.
- incomplete relationships: people are afraid to part with people when their relationships are unfulfilled or incomplete. We must give time and care to those whom we love. Somehow I feel if we truely love even one person or be truely loved by one person in this life, we probary will not fear death. Most people never know what love is. I'm one of them. I only love God- the perfect ideals.
- trauma or phobia: we may have a trauma or phobia to death due to some unpleasant experience in the past.
Processing fear of death:
- imagine being in the deathbed and observing the body's sensations
- breathing in to be aware the discomfort and breathing out to extend attention to adjoint body parts
- continuing until discomfort dissipated
The basic principle is this: when the psycho-physiological system is in a relaxed state when we are faced with what we fear, there is no fear. It is the distressful bodily reaction that constitutes the fear experience. The conceptual understanding of the presence of a threat or danger does not in itself constitute a fear.
It seems not helpful at all to deal with the fear of death. I'm disappointed for tonight's reading.
