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I missed you so much after last night...

 

There are so many things going through my mind right now, and I think one thing that is hard for me to accept is that I finally DO have the personal freedom to do anything, to go anywhere, to write, see, listen, observe new places and people. I have been given the gift of having one true responsibility, and that is simply to survive. 

 

I wanted to go to Baja in search of something. I don't want to sound cliche when I say I am looking for my true self, but it is somewhat true. Many months ago, when I started having this crazy idea of shedding all responsibility to the world, I felt that it would help me to find TRUE happiness. 

 

Then I found you.

 

My love for you is the simplest, easiest love I have ever known. Of course, there are the complications...but where it matters most, my love for you is free and makes me happy. I really wonder if it is possible that we could hurt each other. 

 

Last night was intense for me...and very beautiful. I felt you in my arms and I felt peace in my heart. I felt the harder I closed my eyes, the more I held you, the longer I'd have with you...like I could just slow down time long enough to love you a lifetime. To feel your breath quicken, your heartbeat, to feel your body tremble the way it did in my arms...and to know that my time here is coming to an end...it seems almost ironic that with all this newfound freedom, I am not free to express my feelings to you as fully as I need. Last night was an intense moment in time, indeed, and my passion for you became stronger...

 

Since my family and I are not speaking, I will have to adjust some of my plans to accomodate things I have to do before leaving the state, like getting my license extended. I didn't realize until recently that it expired this year, and I was to handle that detail while staying with my family. Since that won't happen, I guess I'll have to do that Tuesday, and I may do that and say goodbye to my brother then. I would love to see you one last time before leaving town.

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I also feel the urge and excitement of wanting to go further down the road you and I have started on...but for some strange reason, I am not worried either. Life can be long, and I have a strange feeling that you and I have just begun something wonderful. If it takes me a lifetime to be with you, I have to trust that if it is meant to be, it will be. Faith...believing in something that has no logical explanation or proof...but you just know it to be true. You and I were meant to know each other for a reason, I really believe that.\r\n

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I cannot wait to see you, and every time in between I will be counting the days. I regret nothing...and I pray to God you don\'t either.

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Wherever I am, I am with you...and my dreams will be sweet because of you...

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Love,

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Dan

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On 10/9/05, Jennifer Zhang <[e-mail]> wrote:\r\n

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Dan,

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I really miss you today :(.  I burned two pizzas.

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I was very tired in the afternoon so I sat down and closed my eyes for a while. After I opened my eyes, I saw a man dressed in faded black T-shirt and jeans standing in front of the bar. I thought it was you, and I was filled with great joy for a split of a second. \r\n

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Emotionally, I don\'t want you to go. But I also want you to do things that might benefit you in the future. There are other reasons that I want you to stick to your plan. First, everything happened so fast that I don\'t have time to think. I need time to sort through my feelings and to make plans if I need any. I cannot trust my self control now.  If you stay around, I am afraid that things will get out of control very soon and hurt us and others badly. Second, I do believe it will be a great journey. Right after I learned your plan, I told my friends that I envied you because that would be a dream trip, and if I were ten years younger, I would have wanted to tag along. Also, I don\'t want you to regret in the future that because of me, you don\'t get to go. This is a selfish reason, but I think you understand. \r\n",1]);//-->

 

I also feel the urge and excitement of wanting to go further down the road you and I have started on...but for some strange reason, I am not worried either. Life can be long, and I have a strange feeling that you and I have just begun something wonderful. If it takes me a lifetime to be with you, I have to trust that if it is meant to be, it will be. Faith...believing in something that has no logical explanation or proof...but you just know it to be true. You and I were meant to know each other for a reason, I really believe that.

 

I cannot wait to see you, and every time in between I will be counting the days. I regret nothing...and I pray to God you don't either.

 

Wherever I am, I am with you...and my dreams will be sweet because of you...