From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea _____________________________________
From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea My heart heavy as the unheard prayers
---
It Carried me The way the water Of the Dead Sea holds My body now : Floating on its dead eye-god-ness What’s beneath it is mystery :
About this body of flesh There is no mystery when The soul finally takes its flight
---
From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea I swim in the broken songs Of the pilgrims : Unidentified by time Undifferentiated in names
---
Where is my “God?” If I don’t have one Then why pain is so real Love so profound?
(. . . . . . . . . . . . . . )
From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea In dreams and my waken hours I yet have to learn to be found To be sound --- even In the loveless ocean Of the dead Words
: :
Z.Z./2006
~&~ 发表评论于
see you there, mermaid!!
地中海人鱼 发表评论于
hi I have been there once, nice place! let's meet there!
~&~ 发表评论于
Hi QL, look up!!
:)
秋菱 发表评论于
Where is the door?
Not in WXC?
~&~ 发表评论于
Announcement:
Hi, friends!
Due to some technical problems, I have moved to 作舟博客...
This will be a sweet place for memory and footsteps....:)
Hope to see you there!!!
Thank you!!
z.f. 发表评论于
zz: even though i won't choose some of the words you did, but i like the tone in your version.... natural....unpretentious.....
同感!!!
~&~ 发表评论于
...咳咳...秋菱好,
beautifully done!!! even though i won't choose some of the words you did, but i like the tone in your version.... natural....unpretentious.....
z.f. 发表评论于
QL, your version is interesting!!!
"everything is interesting if you understand it...":)
thanks mermaid… i went back to China…
like your own interpretation too...and inspired....thanks...
zz: "poetry is reality"....when words are said/written in a way that has never been written before, they create an reality.....more or less the way air/light is reality.... you can feel it, but you cannot touch it....
AGREE!!!
“living in the real world of I Feel”…:)
~&~ 发表评论于
zf, again, your memory is impressive!!! your reading poetic!!!
Sorry that i can't type Chinese on here, and my ID "作舟诗集" is not working.....don't know why???
Does anyone have any ideas about how the blog designers control and monitor the infos.???
~&~ 发表评论于
Hi, friends!
Really appreciate all of your comments/ideas/guesses/ opinions, etc....!!!!!
I am surprised --- or not surprised---this poem has struck some unheard notes in your heart and mind ....what a meaningful conversation!!!!I feel very lucky to have read your responses!!!
This reminds me of the frequent idea about poetry, that is "poetry is reality"....when words are said/written in a way that has never been written before, they create an reality.....more or less the way air/light is reality.... you can feel it, but you cannot touch it....
after making the confession, you know now that i am not a fan of "God"....so, SD, don't be afraid to tell people you are an atheist [many writers/artists i admire are atheists]
Mermaid, i really like your own interpretation, though i didn't think that much when writing it.....yes, it is a spiritual journey, more so than a physical one....
We see more and more people travelling around the world today, even to the outer space, but most of them only succeeded in trashing the landscape.....no?
Oh, mermaid, what is the score between Ity & Ukrn.??? I only watched Germany vs. Argtn.....great game!!!!
Cheers!!!!
z.f. 发表评论于
From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea
I swim in the broken songs
Of the pilgrims :
Unidentified by time
Undifferentiated in names
From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea, people are numbers rather than individuals...there is an individual who is different from them because of his "crossed out" mark:)facing the world (the world of "the flat history/Of your own kind)...
"the unheard" --- the voice of love?
"love is the voice under all silences"...
"Love is nothing/But a moment of/peace –/Everything stops/For you –"
"the (water) of Dead Sea" --- human's mortal body...
"In dreams and my waken hours" --- real experiencing of being...
why "crossed out"? ...
surredering...?
forgiving the world not forgetting?
but still love....
"I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
"What's in the prayers?" Brutal penalty kicks :)
"Unheard" - Argentina
"Heard" - Germany
影云 发表评论于
when i read that crossed out "Unheard", i feel a movement of Time, it was unheard, it is heard - - - What's in the prayers? why can "i" hear now? Is it because "i" am more sensitive, more human, and my heart more open? More than that.
through the fleshly gate, soul embraces a universal soul and returns to its source. If incarnation exists, then what's incarnated is not flesh but Spirit.
just a thought:)
wx000 发表评论于
Except the bold “crossed out” experiment, as Mermaid said, this poem as a whole has much more Weight in depth and breadth, which is already beyond my current scope of understanding. I’m speechless.
I can only spy into some tree leaves in this vast new forest,
“the unheard prayers”
Unheard? Who (“God”) is listening and responding? If he/she/it was not there, would heard or unheard really matter? If so, why not cross the word out? (my guess)
Dead Sea -- broken songs (Un-identified + Un-differentiated ) -- loveless dead Words
Human’s grave “reality” ?
"Where is my “God?”
If I don’t have one
Then why pain is so real
Love so profound? "
天问!!!
"The soul finally takes its flight"
… …
z.f. 发表评论于
zz, 原文的韵律，节奏和气息我无法翻译出来。。。I yet have to learn to traslate......:)
sd, i like WX's "word behind bars:)"comments too...
this "cross out"...i like zz this kinds of typograhical or perhaps linguistic innovation in his poems so much...more meaningful and luminous to me...
This "cross out" is like a footprint of a poet's thought process, it is
like a bamboo curtain, making the underlying mind more appealing...hehe..
水滴，朦胧，朦胧，朦胧 ：)
Is the body death a real ending of the existence??
- > existence of what? FLESH？OR NON-FLESH？ 继续讨论了
逗玩的：)
by水滴 发表评论于
Very impressive discussion!
WHen I first read this piece, I didn't analyze the meanings, only feel a flow of energy running.
Then I saw zf, yy and wx's comment. Very much impressed by your linguistic talents. Especially impressed by wx's comments,"Word behind bars :) Words appearing and disappearing in the same time - Meaning appearing and disappearing in the same time", A profound thoughts and feeling provoking comment!
This "cross out" is like a footprint of a poet's thought process, it is like a bamboo curtain, making the underlying mind more appealing...hehe..
//
When read carefully by using the cues that yy and zf provide, connecting Dead to Body and Sea (water) to Soul. Dead Sea becomes a very interesting metaphor. Is the body death a real ending of the existence??
//
A confession too. I don't dare to say that I am a atheist, but I am definitely not a believer and follower of any organized religion..:)
~&~ 发表评论于
zf, yours and yy's version are hard to match.....and very thought-provoking.....i like the way you translated "eye-god-ness"....
z.f. 发表评论于
"ZF, "the way" in the way/water holds my body means "method, etc."....
thanks zz, look forward to your own version!! :)
and WX's version:)
and merimaid's version:)
~&~ 发表评论于
Hi mermaid/YY,
you know that i know what you mean....trust your words....
i was just kidding.... :) thanks guys!
speaking of China, i am not sure where it's headed --- a military/economic super power with a extrememly conservative gov.??
it is not a time for individual creativity, but mess productivity ... which easily turns human beings into machine parts .... of course, a small number of people become filthy rich and give a false signal to the rest of the nation....a air-conditioned nightmare, so to speak!
影云 发表评论于
i believe what Mermaid said - not flattering :)
We drink the milk in your poetry and
Our mind turns into greenery!
:)
地中海人鱼 发表评论于
Hi zz, I am serious and not flattering you-)! It is the true feeling that I always have when I read your poems, this one, the way it tried to express, was again involved with creativity! Creativity is so important and essential that without it, things could be stagnant and dying... In China, people are now good at copying, but not creating.
I like your words: " i don't think my own feelings/intentions are that important in terms of understanding a poem in your own way.....the more important/critical is to get the "message" crossed...."
------------------------------ That's also what I believe when I write or read poems.
The friends' comments are so deep and fresh that they inspire me to think more...
~&~ 发表评论于
hi merimaid,
just saw your post.....and, wow!!
you are not flattering me, are you?? :)
i have been "observing" you and happily to have found that you are serious about art/poetry/truth, etc....
so......thank you my friend!!
~&~ 发表评论于
ZF, "the way" in the way/water holds my body means "method, etc.".... thanks for sharing your version too!!! i wish i had time to do my own version :)
all of your feedback makes me speechless....and inspired....
i love what WX wrote on the crossed out lines.....very objective and trained..... as a matter of fact, i didn't think too much when i left them in the final version....both YY and ZF's interpretaions are also valid...
i don't think my own feelings/intentions are that important in terms of understanding a poem in your own way.....the more important/critical is to get the "message" crossed....
i hesitated to use the word "God" because i am an atheist (big confession :) --- hope you are not surprised or disappointed..... :))
however, the english language is a very religious language.... if you pay attention, you'll find the english speakers cannot finish a thought without mentioning "God" or the Bible.... :))))
I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
z.f. 发表评论于
“From Jerusalem to the Dead Sea“的不断重复，在诗歌里加强的“My heart heavy as the unheard prayers，”。。。可能读诗歌时“情绪”受影响吧，使我有些体悟，我“自己”的体悟而已。。。诗歌使我“经历”，没有“经历”我很难去说什么是什么。。。
z.f. 发表评论于
YY, WX,
谢谢分享你们的见解。。。很喜欢。。。
真诚地表达“自己”对诗歌，对艺术的理解是我个人的坚持。。。
“equally。。。”并非“宗教”，但属于我们个人对艺术对人生的视野。。。我理解艺术也可以说是对“自己”的不断探寻。。。我们真的知道“自己”吗？我们从哪里看到？任何事物都需要参照物。。。你所看到的感知到的“自己”是从哪里来？是从他人那里照到“自己”还是真切地触摸到了“自己”。。。信仰某个宗教的人是从他们的神的指示那里来了解自己，而诗人没有一个神，然而人类的疼痛和情感是相似的。。。所以重点是the hope of Redemption is [ ] (the poet’s own vision of art/life… ),
我理解“死海”暗含我们的肉身终有一死，而“自己”因为“自己”的灵魂却无尽。。。
About this body of flesh
There is no mystery when
The soul finally takes its flight
。。。
I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
"Crossed out" does attract a lot attention in the body of the poem.
My initial guess that the “crossed out” may indicate,
1. Signify from the form of Edited/Editing
Words were there in previous versions but the poet has decided to remove them because they are incorrect or impropriate or useless or changing idea or limiting or any other reason. The trace of the editing process does leave a history of thought/feeling which makes the poem interesting. This form could signify something blueprint in human's thought experience in general.
2. Negating
Intentionally stress that what the “crossed out” words' mean is not true.
3. Hiding/Obscuring
Word behind bars :) Words appearing and disappearing in the same time - Meaning appearing and disappearing in the same time.
“Words
come and go
in the perfect
stillness of
the hour..."
YY and ZF has answered my question.
Thanks ZZ for sharing the interesting poem!
影云 发表评论于
知凡的观点有些意思。
个人觉得，这些被“删”的字，词，句，也折射出诗人的沉思的过程，就象从“DRAFT”
到“FINAL VERSION”。这些被删的，在某种程度上就是删掉了那些修饰词，与拿走
了限定的意义。譬如the water，Of the Dead Sea 拿走了定冠词，与介词词组，水，
就具有很广更深的含义，从飘浮在死海之上，身体所经历的，眼前所见到的，到那
看不到的水，灵魂，“水”就发生了质的变化。
In dreams and my waken hours
连“梦与清醒的时刻”都给删掉，那暗含的就是任何时候，这样或许诗歌也就非常
无形地回应了
I yet have to learn to be found
To be sound --- even
In the loveless ocean
Of the dead
Words
I think the “crossed out” lines left in this poem makes the poet’s linguistic way more meaningful and luminous… it may implied that there is another version of the world – equally archetypal, equally religious – that says that the hope of Redemption is [ ] (the poet’s own vision of art/life… ), you can get it from his writing…
