1. A NUMBER OF DIFFERENT APPROACHES ARE BEING TRIED
We are still pi**ing in the wind.
2. EXTENSIVE REPORT IS BEING PREPARED ON A FRESH APPROACH TO THE PROBLEM
We just hired three kids fresh out of college.
3. CLOSE PROJECT COORDINATION
We know who to blame.
4. MAJOR TECHNOLOGICAL BREAKTHROUGH
It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.
5. CUSTOMER SATISFACTION IS DELIVERED ASSURED
We are so far behind schedule the customer is happy to get it delivered.
6. PRELIMINARY OPERATIONAL TESTS WERE INCONCLUSIVE
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
7. TEST RESULTS WERE EXTREMELY GRATIFYING
We are so surprised that the stupid thing works.
8. THE ENTIRE CONCEPT WILL HAVE TO BE ABANDONED
The only person who understood the thing quit.
9. IT IS IN THE PROCESS
It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is about hopeless.
10. WE WILL LOOK INTO IT
Forget it! We have enough problems for now.
11. PLEASE NOTE AND INITIAL
Let's spread the responsibility for the screw up.
12. GIVE US THE BENEFIT OF YOUR THINKING
We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we've already done.
13. GIVE US YOUR INTERPRETATION
I can't wait to hear this bull!
14. SEE ME or LET'S DISCUSS
Come into my office, I'm lonely.
15. ALL NEW
Parts not interchangeable with the previous design.
16. RUGGED
Too damn heavy to lift!
17. LIGHTWEIGHT
Lighter than RUGGED.
18. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT
One finally worked.
19. ENERGY SAVING
Achieved when the power switch is off.
20. LOW MAINTENANCE
Impossible to fix if broken.
21. FEATURE:
We can't fix the bug so we've documented it and are calling it a "feature".
22. NEW RELEASE:
We're too cheap to beta test our code so we'll sell it to you as a new product and let y'all beta test it for us.
23. SYNERGY:
Management doesn't have a clue as to what this product is or what they are doing, so they're slinging buzzwords like there's no tomorrow. See also PARADIGM, REVOLUTIONARY and OUTSIDE THE BOX.
Q. What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
A. Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
