1/24 星期四

今年冬天格外的冷，昨天东京竟然下起鹅毛大雪，我吃惊的站在窗前看了好久。天气越冷，我越懒，每天7点左右意识模糊的伸手去抓空调遥控器，把暖风开到最大，然后接着睡到十一二点。老板S每天都会在12点左右给我"morning call", --"Jess，你还好吧？快点来办公室吧，拜托..." 估计S每天都是欲哭无泪的表情，有一天他很感叹的对我说，“Jess，你在上一个公司的两年是怎么过来的啊...”我安慰他，“你再忍忍，我现在处在冬眠mode，过几天天气暖和了，我早晨就早起了。”老板当场几乎喷血，如[唐伯虎点秋香]里的对穿肠一样。轶听了S的事迹后，感慨万分，“多好的老板啊...竟然没有炒了你。”我乐，他倒是想炒我，小公司就是这点好，员工比老板牛，Dave说我taking advantage。其实，很多时候我也觉得guilty，但是早晨从温暖的被窝里爬出来，实在难度太大，我是“心有余而力不足”。

和Rob还是见了一面，其戏剧性远超过我的想象，这回应该是彻彻底底的结束了。忘记在哪里看来的，说，失恋如出水痘，早出早好，我这算不算得上是失恋，很难讲，但所有难过，愤怒，不满都在一夜之间发泄出来之后，我如大病初愈，安全的get over him. 我始终没有想清楚的是，I felt sad, its cos that I had strong feelings for Rob, or just cos of the frustration that I didnt get what I wanted. 我想，我不会继续探究其答案，not every question would come with a clear answer. Rob说，he still has feelings for me, but he thinks there is a very strong possibility that I would leave him with a broken heart down the road, "Jess, I am old, I really cant afford that big risk emotionally or physically..." 我无言以对，relationship需要两个人共同“投资”，take the risk of falling with your full heart,  Rob对我，对他自己都没有信心，it was probably very bad idea from the beginning to date someone at my dad's age. Anyway, what pissed me off a lot is that, Rob thinks I am too young to understand what a real commitment means, LOL. 6 years ago, I might not know, but now, I am 28, I do know what a real commitment is! Its good to end this "thing" here, or I might get into some funny situation that trying hard to commit just for proving that I could commit.

上周五和Miho去A971喝酒，热闹非凡，我们站定不到10分钟，搭讪的男生层出不穷，Miho很开心（她总是很开心，我很羡慕），我意兴阑珊。这个冬天格外的冷，加上depression，I probably wanna have someone next to me more than ever, but should I keep waiting for the special one to show up, or just compromise for some less special one? 这是个难题。To make sure that I would survive this freezing winter even by myself, I stopped by the supermarket today on my way home, bought a huge warm blanket. So I can just warm myself, while waiting for the special one.

To 各位常来看我blog的同学，
       最近很懒，更新很慢，印尼游记和上海游记都写得有头无尾，很是抱歉。争取早日写完，谢谢各位捧场和支持：）