Re: 落后女人齐家，职场能下就下

It seems to be a productive long weekend… so much discussion here…makes me want to be a part of it…

I see Hanna, like millions working women all over the world, juggling between work and family responsibilities. I see it as normal, healthy and fairly balanced way of life and can’t imagine an absolute one way or another for a perfect resolution. Life on this earth is meant to compromise, balance, prioritize, choose and learn to be happy for what you have. I yearn for weekends and vacations and, after an extended period of relaxation, I look forward to return to work where I need to meet my other needs (including the financial one) and I get a different kind of nourishment and satisfaction.

Hanna seems doing the right thing and ordinary thing as a mother. However I don’t see where she drew her conclusions such as “女子无才便是德”… 不求上进，以傻为荣… and “女人的工作是在家里，职场做事只是业余爱好”. These opening and closing remarks are incoherent to the story she told in the text. From what we learnt about her on this forum, she is a hardworking (often work overtime), ambitious and astute professional. Family first is such emphasized as it may be only a new revelation to her. So I think we should be cautious not to go to extremes such as “女子无才便是德”and “女人的工作是在家里，职场做事只是业余爱好”. There are many other ‘hobbies’ other than ‘employment’ one can choose, I don’t know why Hanna who possesses such strong value on woman-belongs-to-home and who has small kids, would choose such a demanding hobby. I may understand Hanna’s frustration at work for not getting what she deserved (such as a promotion) by her hard work but not that impressed by these statements. Then, it’s just a personal opinion, like a harmless flirt over the internet, one may not need to take it too seriously or personally.

I think we should solute, instead of shame, the women who bravely take the responsibility to support the family or simply share the financial responsibility with their men side by side. For whose women who happen to have an able husband to fully shoulder the family financial burden, these women should not take it for granted but to appreciate their men’s effort and sacrifice and their blessing in able to choose.

Then if you have to work or choose to work, you may as well do it happily and effectively. How you set your goal at work is your personal thing and there is no universal standard. Your success neither depends on how much you yearn for it. People here share their practical knowledge and perspectives on how to do things right, not to show off, not to convince you that work is everything, leadership is necessary, etc. Things can be taught only to certain extent. Some people may not have all the quality to do everything they want.

Furthermore, I’m sorry to say that I am not traditional enough to believe that woman should always stay behind man. I don’t understand why some women believe that helping 老公出人头地 is the priority and so willingly to 牺牲 and 隐退 once 老公 has 出人头地. I wonder if they are what men really want. I hold this maybe unpopular belief that husband and wife are partners. Whoever has the ability and opportunity to work outside should do so. If both work, then share the house work and child caring. It’s a pity to see a man slaves outside in order to build this big castle only to find in the end that the husband and wife have grown apart, his joy of raising/caring for the children and actively participating in daily living are being robbed off (I mean I’m sad for both man and woman since some man may not sense the loss). Many women are very driven: they are constantly pushing their husband and children. I wonder if it is time that women learn to push themselves forward a bit instead of going back to our grandmother’s day.

I hope woman learn to develop this value core as a person or a woman so they will not be simply judged by working at home or outside. You should be proud if you are honest, loving, caring, hardworking, generous, etc. You should learn to be totally comfortable with choosing either working outside or at home. If you don’t judge others, you won’t care if or how you would be judged. If you are struggling doing both or unhappy doing either one, you should stop and ask yourself some fundamental question.

Well again, that’s just my personal view.