Sept 11 Sat

Company BBQ party today, was hot, but better than I thought. Everybody brought gf/bf or family members, and my bf, still far away, sending msg to say sorry and promised that he would make it up to me... I don't know, it seems we talk a lot about our future, but would we really have a future together? Of cos I hope things would work out for us, its just... I really don't have strong faith in relationship, and it might be my problem. So far, its always easy for me to fall in love and start a relationship, but how to keep it working has become the million dollar question for me. Maybe its my personality, I am not patient and get bored too easily... Or maybe its always wrong guy so far, but who knows, R would be the right one? I could hardly believe it, or say, hardly expect it... R has been very nice to me so far, even though I was being moody time to time, but we so far away from each other, the distance perhaps makes all the bad side easier to be taken care of. If we lived together, I wonder how long R could stand for my bad moods.

Life is... peaceful, with struggling time to time. Work is never too tough, but office politics are. I put myself on the same side with my local manager who apparently likes me a lot, and from whom I receive a lot rumors and info to adjust my own position... I am not sure why I am trying so hard, cos I dont really have a clear plan to climb up the career ladder, I might get bored, or wanna just move to some countryside place to have different life style... Who knows... To stay in the same company, and work my ass off to a higher rank, is a bit different from who I am. I mean, I could, if I want to, but the point is, I might not want it. But anyway for now, just in case, I need to make my own network, which may help someday. God loves people who well prepared, always.

Personal life, my bf, 1000 miles away, as usual, lol... Kinda ironic, I broke up with Dave cos he couldnt move here to be with me, but the new bf still untouchable. R always says, babydoll, I will never leave again after this trip... Right, I think I could believe it? Why its always so tough to just be with someone? I didnt ask too much, but simple company, and it turns out to be the hardest thing in the world for me. Fine... If R wanna stick with me for 24-7, I might cry for being alone, lol... I know he would not though... Do I really love him? That remains a question, I guess it takes time to confirm. The feeling of love is something for the moment, other than those moments, either not thinking about it or not very sure...

Arhhhhhhhhhh.... we will see, we will see... too early to say anything. But this year, definitely better than 2009, which was really full of craps. I am trying hard to enjoy myself, no matter what cards life gives me. Its tough to say that whether I am a fighter or drifter, I fight when I feel like to, not for particular reasons, other than that, I just go with the flow, and see whats coming to me. Btw, my new fun is windsurfing recently.