回复加州蜡笔小新的评论:
hehe I hope you don't that. As far as I know, lots of folks who got dumped by their wives for better lives in the end live quite happily.
One wife who eloped with her lover and took all her hubby's hard savings through the restaurant work in early 1990s in Chicago, only came back to confess to her ex-hubby and asked for his forgiveness 10 yrs later. His ex-hubby finally finished his PhD and became a community college professor with a younger wife and beautiful kids.
In life, there is no road you can't cross. I assume you are still in your 20s, am I right?
yutou123 发表评论于
回复海攀的评论:
sorry I didn't mean to show off English - as you can see my English is also so so. Too slow for me to type Chinese since my mandarin pronounciation is quite bad, only slightly better than my cantonese classmates'/
yutou123 发表评论于
回复selang2的评论:
Totally agree - it might be the rear end :-) Butt is going to explore everywhere including the butt
回复xiaoc288的评论:
come on xiaoc. As the author, HaiPan can't let his/her emotions get in the way of the writing. I believe she/he is a great person with a high moral standard himself/herself, but it does not mean he/she should judge the characters. Every reader can then use the common sense to judge them.
yutou123 发表评论于
回复我本执着的评论:
Do folks remember Dr. Lu Gang of U Iowa? He was a PKU Physics class 80 and was outplayed by a USTC fellow student under the same boss and got seriously abused by his boss - his boss said bad things about him that he couldn't even get any postdoc positions (please note that at that time, post-doc positions were not so notoriously as it is today). In the end he killed several people and himself (it happened around 1990). When I visited UI in mid-1990s, friend even brought our visit to his tomb.
It is a sad story - there were jokes that had Lu managed to survive, he would have been a highly successful hedge fund manager in Wall Street, or at worst, a high-end IT farmer. I do hope Dave can manage to survive and believe he would get the lessons and become a mature man in the end.
回复yutou123的评论:
"Mr. Wolf definitely a person with strong feelings - I seriously believe Mr. Wolf had been hurt in the past (if it is not himself, it must be his close friend) :-)"
You are partially right, because it is 10000000% that Mr wolf himself went through the same situation. Or maybe even worst, he has been getting dumped non-stop. 阶级仇民族恨 ar!!!
yutou123 发表评论于
回复海攀的评论:
Cases of Having affairs with the boss are much higher - and the marriage is one of the better outcomes
yutou123 发表评论于
回复alladin的评论:
Alladin, are you a trained psychologist? You can really interpret things in professional language :-)
yutou123 发表评论于
回复涩郎的评论:
Not only her soul, but also her body.
Unless she can pay back to Dave in the future somewhat, she would be tormented by her own consciousness and laughed by the chinese community.
From Haipan's writing, I think the school is yale, not harvard (boston has enough good chinese restaurants there is no need for Butt to drive to NYC for good chinese food). Princeton might be another possibility but NJ also got some good restaurants.
yutou123 发表评论于
回复涩郎的评论:
Mr. Wolf definitely a person with strong feelings - I seriously believe Mr. Wolf had been hurt in the past (if it is not himself, it must be his close friend) :-)
it is a good thing to speak out and not hide your true feelings - you got my support! :-)
In addition, I believe Yang also slept with Butt before she left Dave. No doubt about that based on common sense - even though HaiPan kept saying she didn't but that's one-side story. I don't agreet with haiPan said. Yang probably also had secured certain guarantees from Butt before she finally dumped Dave. She is too pragamatic to not do that.
It is kind of funny when a really pragamatic lady keep telling herself - I did all thse just for love. Really, haha
yutou123 发表评论于
回复海攀的评论:
Yes but she motivates herself at the price of further humiliating her ex-hubby, that's quite low
涩郎 发表评论于
回复alladin的评论:
She's still a step from evil.
Ha ha, getting closer. She did sold her soul to the Devil already. She got what she wanted, but also had to pay all the price and baggage attached to it. She will not be totally happy and will continue to be tormented.
When you keep reminding yourself something in mind, that most likely means you are not sure of it. This is a way of self-persuasion. If you are sure of it, you don't even think of it all time. From this paragraph, I feel Jim will be dave #2 later, maybe soon since her story will fade out soon. Jing's coming back to the same lab can not make her big time, at most a high-level technicion, she knows. But what she really wants is to show her DILIGENCE and COMPARE WITH David and REINFORCE others with the idea that she dump David was because David was not as ambitious as she was. This is the only justifiable reason among many others for the divorce. She wants only this reason, not the other evil ones to stand out in everyone's mind in the lab, the hub of where all rumors come from. So, she work so hard in the lab. Her keeping showing her love before Jim and before others follows the same logic. All analysis above does not mean to convey she's evil. Her action and reaction are as normal as everybody. She's still a step from evil.
回复海攀的评论:
In real life, she might be a really likable and respectable lady if you didn't know all the stories behind her. Most of the people probably don't care anyway.
However, once you know the stories behind her, definitely you don't want to be too close to her since nobody wants to be another Dave. Jim might be the Dave No. 2 too.
I like your writing style - let the characters play out themselves without too much emotional attachments. Great work!
I can understand Yang dumped Dave though not necessarily agree but I really feel horrible that she went back to work in the same lab. Kind of disgusting, isn't it?
海攀 发表评论于
回复我本执着的评论:
恨死她了!不过好象她还没有坏成那样吧。
海攀 发表评论于
回复BookEater的评论:
我只是描述她的想法,虽然别人不这样看。作者是局外人,我不可能跳到书人去打她的耳光:)
海攀 发表评论于
回复alladin的评论:
是呀,屁股决定脑袋。潜意识对人的决策可能大于理性思考。
yutou123 发表评论于
回复海攀的评论:
haha there are many cases, though not necessarily gone with the boss, but mostly gone with a white man, and the hubby had to support the green card out of kindness.
In late 1990s, one chinese lady studying CS in Loyola U in Chicago had affairs with a chinese professor in order to get the projects down, In the end, the wife of the professor went to the dept and the professor lost his job. The lady graduated and got a very good job and of course moved on.
Another guy who was a PhD in geology and supported his F-2 to study CS - of course he did all projects. In the end, once she got a job, she moved out and found a white boyfriend.
Regarding Yang's pursuit of respect, lots of trophy wives showed that - they forgot that their honey hubby is not themselves and tended to assume other people showed the same respect to their hubby to them too. Not going to happen in real life. You got what you earned. If you are a golddigger, then you got the fame of a godldigger
yutou123 发表评论于
回复加州蜡笔小新的评论:
haha - thanks I like this forum and most of us do share lots of common sense
yutou123 发表评论于
回复VanSmallLandlord的评论:
Wendi Deng is in her own class - each time she caught bigger and bigger fish until she got the blue whale. :-)
Most of the not so great ladies who can change their loves based on conditions, can only make the jump once. Emotional costs can drain people out. Wendi is the superlady.
In investments, between Jim and Wei, it is like money market fund and equity. Some ladies would like to cash out early - they were impatient so they dumped their original equity holdings. Most of the good wifes stick on and in the end equity perform well too. if Yang chose the later route, probably she would have a better life in the end. Well, she might be too pragmatic and short-sighted
VanSmallLandlord 发表评论于
回复alladin的评论:
"just in hope of gradually change others' attitudes toward her of which she REALLY CARES,"
In this sense, I truly admire Wendi Deng, "just do it" who cares other's opinions.
加州蜡笔小新 发表评论于
回复yutou123的评论:
说得太对了:
She definitely has the right to pursue a better life - but indeed there is no need to paint herself as a virgin. In our old chinese saying, you can't be hookers and have a Virgin Pole (PaiFang) on the same time. Or more politely, no bear paws and fish on the same time.
贾宝玉 发表评论于
读出些张爱玲式的、人性的苍凉。
这一页不是“成长”二字就能简单翻过的。
yutou123 发表评论于
totally agree with Aladdin. Sorry Dave you are in my way - I didn't mean to hurt you, oops.
I am happy lots of us still share the same common sense.
Regarding the love to the buttman, it is a little fake as folks said. On the other hand, I don't think we should blame Yang. I started to work in 1998 and noticed most of chinese fellows bended over 180 degrees to their white bosses if they bosses asked them to bend over only 90 degrees. We are all the products of our times - we were humble and even somewhat ass-kissing due to the lack of confidence because our homeland was not rich enough and the whole nation didn't have much confidence, let alone the little guys like us who struggled for a living in the most powerful capitalism country. Now, today's young chinese working in US companies are much more confident, aggressive and took it for granted for things they think they deserve. Thankfully to our homeland's progress. If our homeland remains poor and backward as 20 yrs ago, I wouldn't think the young generation's attitude toward white bosses would be much different from the older generations's.
xiaoc288 发表评论于
看出小静外嫁后的双重标准了,不仅虚荣,自私,还很虚伪~~
dontmissme 发表评论于
回复我本执着的评论:
感觉有些假了,现在作家把她忽悠成诺贝尔,我都信了。
我本执着 发表评论于
回复alladin的评论:
That's right. She doesn't care anything but herself. Hurting anybody else? Who cares? That is her.
回复我本执着的评论:
杨小静不仅自私,而且残忍。先给人心口一刀,再跑回来把伤口撕开了,满满地撒盐。这真的还是一个正常普通人能做的事情吗?算我孤陋寡闻。
She did not mean to hurt Zheng by divorcing and marrying Bartman, but if that's a side-effect, she does not care. She cares her own feathers, i.e. others' opinion towards her and she wants and takes action to change that. And once again if as side effect, it hurts Zheng, she does not care.
medicalschool 发表评论于
她没有浅薄到要拿这事去炫耀-----why she went to that Chinese resturant?
她要靠自己的努力去变成强者,去赢得别人的尊重-----she works as a tech in her husband's lab, how does she expect to earn others' respect? BTW she does not want to go to school, she think Biology is so easy that she can just do it?
见到实验室的人甚至一副怯生生的模样------that is just hypocritical, and disgusting
要是以前对郑卫,杨小静早就喊着想要了,可是对吉姆,她并不想显得太贪婪----can you tell me she is not a golddigger?
回复VanSmallLandlord的评论:
People make decisions first, find reasons or supports thereafter. Butt determines Mind. The decision making processes are mostly emotional. An example is I don't support his idea, because bla bla (what's true in my mind is I don't like him, I hate him and whatever he says). And many decisions are based on subconscious reasoning, for example, I ate my brother's share of an apple, I would think, anyway he does not care, he's not hungry, right (the fact in my mind is, if I don't tell him, he won't know). The subconscious reasoning only flashes in our mind and we tried to avoid them if they are evil, but unfortunately, they are the most decisive factors of our behavior. We are trying to hide or cover our subconsciousness in many ways. Jing's way is to exaggerate the influences of other ethic factors and play down the ugly ones. I guess the author also intentionally do so to mislead the readers for dramatic effect. By exaggerating the minor but moral factors, she feel comfort and justified. If still not comfortable enough or not enough to pursuade others' to think in favor of her, she will use all supporting facts or create supporting facts till she feels enough.
We live for ourself in the subconsciousness when we are alone and behave for others when we are with others.
Now she goes back to the SAME LAB because those in the lab are the ones she needs to change their views toward her. So she shows with humble and work so hard, so so so UNNECESSARILY hard just in hope of gradually change others' attitudes toward her of which she REALLY CARES, though she may keep persuading herself she's not living for others' view of herself.
gm07 发表评论于
It is true selfish is one nature characteristic for most of human beings.
But Young's self fish reaches the professionally highest level.
回复alladin的评论:
what you said is so true, and a lot of people are like that.
gewex 发表评论于
A real and consistent Jing!
alladin 发表评论于
All Jing's thoughts till now can be viewed as a way of self-justification. If the future goes the other way (as always), she will find new ways of justification. Ordinary ways are, all what I do is because of your fault, that's all your fault, you did all the wrong-doings to me first, if you did not ... yesterday, if you did not ... a year ago, if you did not ... when you were 10 years ago...... That's all your fault, I am so pity, so ill-treated, so .... That's all your fault!
yutou123 发表评论于
one thing I don't like is the girl's selfishness. If she really wants to show her values and how capable she is, she should never came back to Jim's lab. Has she ever considered David's feelings when she decided to go back to Jim's lab? Adding insult to injury to David - not very decent!
She can go to other labs, or other jobs, or go to school, etc.. Working in Jim's lab is the worst way to show her value, worst of all, it further hurts David!
Not a good person at all - honsetly I looked down at her. before this, I didn't like her decision and sometimes thought her thoughts are funny or even naive. Now I don't even want to read anything about her :-)
If she is really kind, probably she should think about how to help David - probably reaching out to Juan and ask her advice on how to help David.
Of course, in real world, nobody is perfect and every one is selfish, to a certain degree. That's why this novel is so attractive.
Great job - HaiPan!
rush_creek 发表评论于
小静的心理及行为描写得很到位,可不知为什么就觉得小静和Jim之间假假的?
yutou123 发表评论于
actually I might be several years older and from the same dept. I did hear similar stories - one of my classmate's wife did go with her boss and luckily my classmate wasn't in that lab.
She definitely has the right to pursue a better life - but indeed there is no need to paint herself as a virgin. In our old chinese saying, you can't be hookers and have a Virgin Pole (PaiFang) on the same time. Or more politely, no bear paws and fish on the same time.
葫芦娃爸爸 发表评论于
爱和幸福建立在了别人, 一夜夫妻百日恩的人的痛苦之上,可悲.
yutou123 发表评论于
That's so funny! Really??? Did she say the same thing to Dave years ago? :-)
杨小静抹抹泪说:“因为我们已经结了婚了呀!现在你不送给我汽车,我也不会跑呀。这证明了你对我的爱!”
This girl of course has the right to do/say whatever she wants. However, what she says/does really decides which kid of person she really is, at least our opinions.
Just like a normal person tends to justify his/her motivation when he/she did something horrible, she also did the same way. "I got married with Jim just for the love!" haha - yes she can definitely think in that way, right or wrong. However, the history is written by the people collectively, not by what he/she said.