爱情是毒药 1

LOVE and DEATH are two uninvited guests

Nobody knows when they come ..

But both do the same work ..

One takes away the HEART

and the other takes away its BEATS. 
--题记

复活节的危机

(一)

几个星期前我就在话里话外告诉他,我们教会这次复活节有盛大庆典--教会成立20周年暨献堂感恩庆典,我会在台上舞蹈。我多么希望他可以与我共度这一天。虽然说通常周末他都要去西雅图做律师,可是复活节时美国也是放假的呀!

 
 
星期四的时候,他告诉我,最近他遇到了一些挑战,心理处在down的阶段。我也就忍住了,没有邀请他星期六来参加我们的庆典。

 
 
星期五,耶稣受难日,我们放假,我的心里很难受。一整天我都在纠结:他为什么每个周末都要去西雅图?正好我在网上看到有人发帖,说周末或晚上不能相陪的人,肯定是有家室的,奉劝那些dating他们的姐妹远离他们。还有人说,现在就有很多洋男,专爱找亚洲女子,借约会之名上床。我倒不担心这个,第一次正式约我出去,我们在阳光下的海边漫步,他连手都不主动牵我的!我纠结的是:他一直要我给他几个小时,只属于我们俩个人的时间--复活节长周末不是最好的时机吗?他为什么要去西雅图?
 

晚上,收到他的e-mail,说想见我,周六下午晚些时候(六点左右)他从西雅图回来过关时会给我电话,好让我有时间换衣服。我的心一下子晴朗了!
 

星期六,我们的舞蹈非常轰动,每个人都说我跳得最好。我非常兴奋,不止因为这个,一想到晚上我们就能在一起了,我的心里就乐开了花!虽然他说只是几个小时而已,但我已经很满足了。我渴望他的拥抱、他的亲吻,我欢喜他在我耳边用字正腔圆的中文说:“我爱你!”
 

整个下午,我都在换衣服。我不想穿他已经见我穿过的衣服。我穿上旗袍,因为他喜爱中国文化;我有四、五件旗袍,每件穿起来,都使我看上去温婉、可人。可是想到旗袍的领子会妨碍他亲我的脖子,只好忍痛割爱了。最后,我挑了一件花色淡雅、剪裁合身、无领无袖的小洋装,揣着一颗荡漾的春心,热切地等待着。

我一直等到半夜,上厕所都把手机拽在手里。他却悄然没有音信!我怏怏地发了一个e-mail给他:“我等到花儿也谢了! I wouldn't ask why; I just hope you're fine!
 

期天,上午去教会礼拜,晚饭后驱车去B城练舞,一天都没好心情。练舞回来,一查邮箱,他回了一个e-mail:

 
 
“I love you.

Yesterday, a bright star was looking toward me...I know it was you.

I miss you and I will see you in just hours.

Please forgive me for not being able to see you yesterday.”
 

周四的时候,因为他说他正处在人生的低潮期,我就表态,不要因为我而增加他的压力,我说:
“Don't miss me unless you need a hug or a kiss to recharge yourself. Don't think of me; I will be always here like a star in the sky. No matter we see or not see each other, our love is always there.” 他还真拿我当一颗星了!他怎么可以这样?轻描淡写地说一句“请原谅我昨天没能去见你”就完事了?他怎么不为他不与我联系道歉呢?你人不能来,电话也不能来吱一声吗?害得我一夜无眠,担心他出什么事了!
 

我恨恨地回他一句“It must just be a meteor in your life, accidently entered. ”
 

第二天是Easter Monday。如果是其他恋人,恐怕会利用这一天的时间找机会见面,解释、亲密一番以尽释前嫌吧。一早,他e-mail我:

 
 
“I love you.

And no...not just a meteor.”

-- 没有道歉,没有解释,没有提出任何补救措施。我的心彻底凉了!--如果不是他的太太或他正在dating的其他女人在他的身边,他怎么会连个电话都不给我呢?
 

我问他:

 
 
“I'm just curious: Who accompanied you to watch that bright falling star?

 
 
I agree that you cannot be in two places at once; however, I don't agree the way you keep people waiting. Text, e-mail, ... so many ways you could tell me not to wait for you. Don't tell me you're out in some ural areas as an amateur astronomer so that you did not have internet connections.”
 

他说:

 
 
You are upset. Please do not be.

I feel very sad because of it. I asked that you forgive me for not contacting you.

I thought that you meant what you said about me looking at a star and thinking about you. That is exactly what I did. Yes, I know it is silly perhaps. But I believe in it. ”
 

那封道歉邮件中他明明说的是“Please forgive me for not being able to see you yesterday”,什么时候变成为没能与我联系道歉了?这样的人我还能相信吗?
 

我的心好痛!


 
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