A blonde walks into a bank in central New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title and everything checks out.
The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies, "Where else in central New York City can I park my Rolls for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
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Hilarious Jokes about Driving: Barbie Joke
One day a guy was driving home when he suddenly realized that it was his daughter's birthday and - or dear! - he hadn't bought anything for her. So, he pulls into the parking lot of the next shopping mall he passes, finds a toy store and asks for "A Barbie Doll for my daughter."
The shop assistant looks at him in a slightly condescending manner and asks, "All right Sir, which Barbie would that be?"
The man looks surprised so the assistant continues, "We have Barbie Goes To the Ball at $19.99, Barbie goes Shopping at $19.99, Barbie goes Clubbing at $19.99, Barbie Goes To The Gym at $19.99, Cyber Barbie at $19.99 and Divorced Barbie at $249.99."
The man can't help himself and asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie $249.99 when all those other Barbies are selling for $19.99?"
"Well Sir, that's quite obvious!" says the assistant, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's furniture, Ken's car ...
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Ridiculous Driving Jokes: Reckless Driving
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm an asthmatic, very seriously affected. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."
"Okay, we'll just get a blood sample down at the station."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."
"Fine then, just step out of the car and walk this white line."
"Can't do that either, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
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Witty Automobile Jokes: Just Being Honest ...
A man seeing flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror pulls to the side of the road.Shortly after coming to a stop, a police officer approaches the car.
The man says, "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: "You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. I'm afraid I'm going to have to ticket you."
Man: "No sir, I was going a little over 60."
Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going at least 80!" (The man gives wife dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks!" (The man gives his wife another a dirty look.)
Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt!"
The Man turns to his wife and yells, "For cryin' out loud, can't you just shut up?!"
The officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
And so the wife says, "No officer, only when he's drunk."
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Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. the nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain.
Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing.
"Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something."
Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?"
The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."
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There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don't we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it'll work?!"
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A policeman stops a car and suggests an apparently drunken fellow to take a breath test. He blows, the thing shows: positive.
He protests, cries he is a teetotaler（禁酒主义者） and that the instrument isn't working properly. He says his wife is also a teetotaler. She blows - again positive. Then he gives it to their little kid on the backseat - also positive!
The ashamed（惭愧的） policeman lets them go.
They take off and the man says to his wife: "And you kept telling me: don't give the kid any alcohol, don't give the kid any alcohol!"
