Many couples consider having children to be a bonding experience that brings them closer than ever before, but others often struggle with staying lovers after kids have been introduced to the equation. Not all relationships instantly meld with the idea of having children, and it’s perfectly acceptable to see some friction in your relationship when something so big as a new addition to the family arrives.
If you’re struggling to stay lovers thanks to some newcomers to the family, you don’t have to panic. By following these steps and consistently emphasizing clear and constant communication between you and your partner, you’ll soon uncover the secret to staying lovers with kids.
Raising kids introduces strains on relationships
For many happy couples, the induction of children into their shared lives will put some serious strains on their relationship that may not have been there before. With children, especially newborns, comes a slew of responsibilities and sudden adjustments to your daily schedule that could see you quickly become overworked, exhausted from sleep deprivation, and ready for some alone time. It’s imperative that struggling couples view raising children as a team effort, however, and never allow themselves to become isolated from one another if they intend to remain lovers in the long-term.
The first step is to make sure that your basic needs are being taken care of, too. New mothers and fathers have a bad habit of letting themselves fall apart while looking after their kids; new parents oftentimes get less than five hours of sleep per night, for instance. Make sure that the responsibilities of childcare are being fairly divvied up by both partners, and that no one is being forced to pick up someone else’s slack.
For many parents, the idea of a vacation or some time off when raising the kids is itself questionable. Don’t good parents always stay with their kids? As a matter of fact, taking a vacation or some off time to recharge your batteries while you have kids is perfectly natural and indeed recommended; if you don’t get some alone time for your kids every now and then, even the best parent can grow resentful and burned out. That’s why it’s worth reviewing some essential tips on how to get away from your kids without letting them down or allowing yourself to descend into a worrying wreck.
If you don’t allow yourself some off time to vent, then you’re allowing your grievances to build up slowly. Not everything about the secret to staying lovers with kids revolves around getting away from them, however; it’s incredibly important that in your day to day life you’re working as a team if you want to remain an effective pair for long.
Avoiding the unthinkable
For many couples, the very idea of a separation or divorce after a kid has been born is unthinkable. Still, divorce is a common reality of the world we live in today; after all, the divorce rate continues to climb, especially amongst the older population. If you’re to avoid the unthinkable, then you need to be prepared to make some concessions to your partner and be open to some life changes, especially if you’re both unsatisfied with your current situation.
Start by asking yourself what your expectations were for having children, how they meld with the reality of your situation, and how you can remedy the two. Both partners need ample time to explain their predicaments; you may think your spouse or lover is doing fine, but they could be nursing some hidden doubts or pains that need attention. It goes without saying that you need to make some time with one another to be intimate, as well, as many new parents report that they struggle to find enough romance in their lives.
Above all else, the secret to staying lovers with kids is to view yourself as one familial block of granite that can never be moved. Your family will encounter trials and test, as all families do, but whether you endure through them is determined by how committed you as parents are towards ironing through your difficulties and finding common ground where every person gets what they need. Sometimes, this will necessitate making concessions to your partner or establishing a schedule or chore sheet to help break down the day-to-day activities associated with childcare.
Don’t be afraid to open up with your partner about the difficulties you’re having as a parent – discussing these things is perfectly natural and an essential part towards maintaining your relationship in the long-term. Despite the many life challenges introduced by the arrival of kids, it’s very possible and rewarding to remain lovers with your fellow parent. Stick with one another through the thick and thin, and you’ll find that not even raising a stubborn child can break the bond you feel with your partner.
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