在一个朋友的推荐下，上周六，我在离家不远的健身中心的跑步机上跑了四英里，同时观看了一部名为《恋人》的电影。
电影讲的是一对已婚多年但已经完全冷漠的夫妇迈克尔和玛丽与他人有长期的婚外情的故事。他们竭尽全力维持某种和平的家庭生活，以期待他们的独生子乔和他的女友艾琳的到来。
迈克尔的情人芭蕾老师露西（Lucy）在迫使迈克尔与玛丽分手时，对迈克尔的无为和优柔寡断越来越感到沮丧。迈克尔向露西保证：“我的儿子和他的女朋友来拜访我们。这是他多年来的第一次访问。让他们过得愉快。他们离开后，我将与她分手，我们将在一起。你会后悔，那你会向我道歉。”迈克尔对露西说。露西似乎不相信。那些不愉快的讨论对他们的恋爱关系产生了负面影响。以至于迈克尔有时不接电话。当迈克尔拜访露西在她家时，她会故意任性，有点歇斯底里的感觉。
玛丽的情人是罗伯特。他们的恋情似乎比迈克尔和露西的愉快些。你会看到他们彼此依恋-微笑，一起喝酒，一起跳舞-他们对彼此更加热情。您可以感觉到他们之间的爱。但是，罗伯特（Robert）强烈要求玛丽（Mary）解除婚姻关系，并与他一起前进。玛丽答应她会尽快这样做，也许是在他们儿子访问期间。
迈克尔和玛丽本人在婚外活动时都高度怀疑对方是否出轨。为了减轻配偶的怀疑，他们更加投入在性爱中。
最终，他们的儿子和他的女友即将来临，迈克尔和玛丽去了一家杂货店，采购家庭晚餐的食品。罗伯特背着玛丽走近迈克尔并告诉他：“当你儿子在这里时，她会和你分手，她会永远离开你。”在玛丽回到迈克尔之前，罗伯特消失在人群中。
家庭晚餐看起来不错，夫妻俩幸福地在一起生活。知道他们婚姻状况的现实，乔无法相信自己所看到的。
第二天早上，玛丽去了罗伯特的家。他发出了最后通牒，玛丽不太情愿地做出了最后决定。当她从“散步”回来时，她和艾琳驾车去商场购物，而迈克尔和乔斯准备晚餐。
在回来的路上，露西走近汽车，对玛丽怒吼。玛丽知道发生了什么事，就把爱琳放到了家里，去了一个安静的地方独自思量。
迈克尔独自一人见到爱琳回家时，问道：“玛丽在哪里？”爱琳只能说“她不在了。”迈克尔重复道：“她不在。”
当乔发现玛丽没有和艾琳一起回家时，他将怒气转嫁到了父亲。 “你真是个骗人的家伙。”乔对父亲说。
玛丽坐在太阳下山的车里，排练她的台词，就像她在和儿子乔说话一样：“我知道你在生他的气，但我也犯错了。抱歉，您永远不会知道我有多抱歉。我们搞砸了，但我们不是坏人。”
然后，她收拾了一下自己，开车回家。
在客厅里，最后的时刻到了。乔再次将怒气转嫁给父亲。玛丽要求乔坐下…
玛丽开始讲话。迈克尔悲哀地闭上了眼睛。
乔打断了玛丽：“您打算告诉我吗？你在等我到这里吗？那么，为什么要全部演出呢？你为什么表现得像你们在一起幸福？”
玛丽回答：“好吧，我们不是假装……。”
乔停止玛丽：“您不要告诉我，‘因为这都不是真的。’
“你和他一样，你是伪善的人。”乔深感悲伤。
然后他站起来，对艾琳说：“我们离开这个地方……”，然后在楼上冲向他的房间。 艾琳跟着他。
在玛丽和儿子之间的整个互动过程中，迈克尔一言不发。
乔上楼后，玛丽求助于迈克尔：“您必须做点什么，如果他那样离开，我们将不会再见到他……”
迈克尔看着玛丽，慢慢对她说：“但是他是对的。”
在他的房间里，乔在艾琳的怀里哭泣。
玛丽坐在楼梯上，没有声音哭泣。
在家庭活动室中，迈克清理了乔造成的混乱状况，坐在他多年未触摸的钢琴前。他开始演奏和唱歌：
我从没想过我会想你的。
一半都没有
我从没想过我会这样
我对你的感觉
我每天每天晚上醒来
我知道是你，我要把忧郁症带走
一定是爱
爱，爱
这一定是爱
爱，爱
不多，不少，爱最好
不需言语，我们仍然话语涛涛
祝福你，
祝福我，宝贝
祝福蜜蜂
和鸟
…..
事情最终解决后，迈克尔搬到了露西的房子，玛丽搬到了罗伯特的房子，乔和艾琳过着自己的生活。每个人的生活都在继续……
一天早上，在亲吻露西再见之后，迈克尔在开车途中拨打了玛丽的电话，并留下了短信：
对不起，我忍不住地想你。我们有机会在白天找到一些时间见一面吗？
电话的另一头，玛丽听完迈克尔的语音信箱后，高兴地放下电话，走向会议室开始新的一天。
在整部电影中，有几行触动了我：
乔对迈克尔：你真是个骗人的狗屎！你懂的？
迈克尔：我知道。
乔对玛丽：你和他一样，你是伪君子！
迈克尔对玛丽：他是对的
是的，就道德标准而言，没有人比其他人优越。你可能没有做过他们所做的事情，这并不意味着你的道德水平高尚。
“我们搞砸了；我们不是坏人。”
你没有搞砸，也许那是你的运气。也许你的婚姻生活并不那么糟糕，。也许您的婚姻生活并不如意，但是您还没有遇到另一个让你开心的人。那可能意味着你还没有机会搞砸。
“我们搞砸了。”谁不是呢？我想到另一部电影《华尔街：钱永不眠》
在即将来临的金融风暴中，年轻的市场交易员杰克·摩尔（Jack Moore）问他的导师路易斯·扎贝尔（Louis Zabel）：“我们要失败了吗？”
路易斯回答：“这是一个错误的问题”
杰克接着问：“正确的问题是什么？”
路易斯说：“谁不是呢？”
我知道路易斯想说的是：由于投资组合中的杠杆比率，如果暴露出他或她的弱点，每个人都可能陷入困境。
也许你的道德高尚（在别人的眼中），那是因为你的弱点还没有被暴露出来。
人性是自私的。当迈克尔和玛丽都从事婚外情时，由于婚姻质量差，他们认为这是合理的。但是当他们发现对方也在外遇时，他们表现出嫉妒和愤怒。
迈克尔与露西约会，他给玛丽打电话，说他要晚回家。
在另一端，玛丽和罗伯特在酒吧喝酒。
听到酒吧里的音乐，迈克尔问玛丽在哪儿。玛丽回答说，她也要晚点回家，正在在一家中餐馆吃东西，然后继续工作。
猜猜在打完电话之后事情怎么样了？他们俩都放弃了约会，然后赶回了家，在找对方的行踪。
他们不想中断婚姻，因为他们没有再婚的愿望。他们只是想有某种外遇来补充他们的婚姻生活。
他们中没有一个人认为“我应该在开始新的恋爱关系之前结束这段婚姻”，但这就是我们经常告诉别人的。 “你应该做这个;你应该那样做……”道德标准是用来告诉别人的。对自己而言，个人利益至上。
但是，他们所爱的人都是单身。他们的新伴侣强烈要求他们解除婚姻关系，并与他们的新伴侣一起前进。他们竟然在背后揭露自己情人。这再次证明了人性的自私。
电影结束时，迈克尔和玛丽表现出了重新在一起的愿望。
可以吗？他们会吗？罗伯特和露西呢？再开始另一段婚外恋？
问题多于答案。
生活是复杂的，爱是“我想要”：我想和你在一起，我想爱你，我想亲吻你，我想和你一起睡。
一旦变成“我应该”或“你应该”，这些词的含义就改变了。 “因为我是她的丈夫，所以我应该这样做”，“因为她是我的妻子，所以她应该那样做。”如您所见，“应该”与爱情无关，它与一切无关结婚了
你可以说没有爱的婚姻是不道德的，没有婚姻的爱是酷刑。你还可以说：没有婚姻的爱情（婚外恋）是不道德的，没有爱情的婚姻是折磨。这完全取决于你如何看待它。正如人们所说：人生是复杂的。
We messed up, but we’re not bad people
Movie “The lovers”
Recommended by a friend of mine, I watched a movie titled while finishing my four-mile run on the treadmill at the Lifetime Fitness center near my home last Saturday.
A long-married and completely dispassionate couple Michael and Mary are having long-standing affairs with others. They do their best try to maintain some kind of peaceful family life in anticipating their only son, Joe and his girlfriend Erin’s visit.
Michael’s lover, Lucy, a ballet teacher, is increasingly frustrated at Michael’s inaction and indecisiveness when she pressures Michael to break up with Mary. Michael assures Lucy: “My son and his girlfriend are coming to visit us. This is his first visit in years. Let them have a nice stay. After they leave, I will break with her, and we will be together. you will regret, you will apologize to me then” said Michael to Lucy. Lucy seems not convinced. Those unpleasant discussions negatively impacted their love relationship. so much that at times, Michael avoid taking her calls. When Michael visits Lucy at her house, she acts willfully. I would say she is a bit of hysterical.
Mary’s lover is Robert. Their love affair seems move enjoyable than Michael and Lucy’s. You will see them more attached to each other-- smiling, having drinks together, dancing together-- they are much more passionate towards each other. You can sense the love between them. However, Robert emphatically demands Mary to break up the marriage and move forward with him. Mary promised that she would do so soon, maybe during their son’s visit.
While having extramarital affairs themselves, Michael and Mary are both highly suspicious the other is cheating. To ease their spouse’s suspicion, they engaged in sex activities.
Finally, their son and his girlfriend are about to come, Michael and Marry go to a grocery store to buy groceries for the family dinner. Without Mary’s knowledge, and without her consensus, Robert approaches Michael and tells him: “when your son is here, she will break with you, she will leave you for good.” Before Mary walks back to Michael, Robert disappears.
The family dinner looks good and the couple looks happily living together. Knowing the reality of their marriage condition, Joe cannot believe what he is seeing.
On the following morning, Mary goes to Robert. He issued an ultimatum, so Mary made her final decision. When she is back from “walk”, she and Erin took a ride to a mall for some shopping, while Michael and Joes prepares dinner.
On their way back, Lucy approaches their car and hissed at Mary. Knowing what is going on, Mary dropped Erin at home, and went somewhere to have some quiet time.
When seeing Erin back home alone, Michael asked: “Where is Mary?” Erin only could say “She is out.” Michael repeated: “She is out.”
When Joe found Mary did not return home with Erin, he turns his anger towards his father. “You’re a cheating piece of shit” Joe tells his father.
Sitting in her car while the sun sets, Mary rehearses her line as if she were talking to her son, Joe: “I know you’re mad at him, but I made mistake, too. I am sorry, you’ll never know how sorry I am. We messed up, but we’re not bad people.”
Then, she put herself together and drives home.
In the family room, the final moment came. Joe, once more, turns his anger towards his father. Mary demands Joe to sit down…
Mary starts her line; Michael sadly closed his eyes in silence.
Joe interrupts Mary: “You were planning on telling me this? You were waiting until I got here? So, why all the show? why are you acting like you’re happy together?”
Mary replied: “Okay, we weren’t pretending….”
Joe, stops Mary: “You are not going to tell me this, ‘Cause none of it is true.”
“You are same as him, you’re the same hypocrites.” Joe says with deep sadness.
He then stands up and tells Erin, “We are out of this place…” and charges upstairs towards his room. Erin follows him.
Throughout this interaction between Mary and his son, Michael does not say a word.
After Joe went upstairs, Mary turns to Michael for help: “You got to do something, if he leaves like that, we will not see him again…”
Michael looks at Mary and slowly says to her “But he is right.”
In his room, Joe is crying in Erin’s arm.
Sitting on the staircase, Mary cries without voice.
In the family room, Michael cleans up the mess Joe created, and sitting in front the piano he had not touched for years. he started to play and sing:
I never thought I’d miss you.
Half as much as I do
and I never thought I ‘d feel this way
The way I feel about you
As soon as I wake up every night everyday
I know that it’s you I need to take the blues away
Must be love
Love, Love
It must be love
Love, Love
Nothing more, nothing less?love is the best
How can it be that we can say so much?
without words?
Bless you,
And bless me, baby
Bless the bees
And the birds
…..
When things eventually settle, Michael moved to Lucy’s house, Mary moved to Robert’s house, Joe and Erin are having their own life. Life goes on for everybody…
One morning, after kissing Lucy goodbye, on the way to his car, Michael dialed Mary’s phone and left message:
I am sorry, I can’t stop thinking about you. Any chance we can find some time during the day?
On the other end, after listening to Michael’s voice mail, Mary happily put down the phone and walks towards the conference room to start her day.
Throughout the movie, a few lines touched me:
Joe to Michael: You’re a cheating piece of shit! you know that?
Michael: I know.
Joe to Mary: You are same as him, You’re the same hypocrites!
Michael to Marry: He is right
Yes, nobody is superior than others in term of moral standard. You may not have done what they did, that does not mean your moral standard is higher or better than theirs.
“We messed up; we are not bad people” as Mary said.
You did not mess up, maybe that is your luck. Maybe your married life is not that bad, good for you. Maybe your marriage life is not good, but you just have not met another one who opens your heart. That could mean you have not gotten the opportunity to mess up.
“We are messed up.” Who is not? Another movie line comes to my mind. It is in
With an impending financial storm, the young market trader Jack Moore asked his mentor, Louis Zabel:” are we going under?”
Louis replied: “That was a wrong question”
Jack then asked: “What is the right question?”
Louis said, “Who is not?”
I figure what Louis is trying to say is: Due to the leverage ratio in the investment portfolio, everybody could go under if his or her weakness is exposed.
Maybe your moral standard did not go under (in other’s eyes) , that is because your weakness is not exposed yet.
Human nature is selfish. When both Michael and Mary engaged in extramarital affairs, they thought that is justifiable due to their bad marriage quality. But when they found the other party is also cheating, they demonstrated jealousy and anger.
Michael had a date with Lucy, he called Mary and said he would be working late.
At the other end, Mary is having a drink in the bar with Robert.
Hearing the music in the bar, Michael asked Mary where she was. Mary replied she would be working late too and in a Chinese restaurant having a bite and then go back to work.
Guess what, after that phone call, both of them abandoned their dates and rushed back home to find out where the other party is.
They did not want to break their marriage, because they did not have desire to remarry. They just wanted to have some kind of affair to complement their marriage life.
None of them thought that “I should end this marriage before starting a new relationship”, but that is what we often tell others. “you should do this; you should do that…” Morality is used to tell others; to oneself, self-interest comes first.
But, the ones they are in love with are single. Their new partners forcefully demand them to break up the marriage and move forward with their new partner. So much so, they exposed them behind their back. Once more, it proves the selfishness of human nature.
At the end of the movie, Michael and Mary demonstrate the desire to get together.
Can they? Will they? What about Robert and Lucy? To start another extra marital affair.
There are more questions than answers.
Life is complicated, Love is “I want”: I want to be with you, I want to love you, I want to kiss you, I want to sleep with you.
Once it become “I should” or “you should”, the meaning of the words changed. “Since I am her husband, I should do so and so”, “since she is my wife, she should do so and so.” as you can see, ”should” has nothing to do with love, It has everything to do with marriage.
You could say Marriage without love is immoral, love without marriage is torture. You also could say: Love without marriage (extra marital affair)) is immoral, marriage without love is torture. It all depends on how you see it. As I said, life is complicated.
