It was a hot day toward the end of June 2010 and on the course of the Western
States 100 Miles Endurance Run from Squaw Valley in Lake Tahoe to Auburn, CA.
The defending champion was struggling with injuries while the three leaders of
the pack were vying for the title. Geoff Roes, the Alaskan chef, did not feel himself
before the second half and fell behind for more than 15min and the 22-year-old
Spaniard, Kilian Jornet, lay down in pain and fatigue after the river-crossing
at around mile 80. Paced by one of the fastest women on trails, Anton Krupicka
was elated: "If I just keep moving, I'm gonna win the race."
The river-crossing that began the downturn for Kilian, however, revived
something in Geoff. "I've already hit the bottom," he said to himself "what could
be worse?" And a thought came to him: "This is still a race. I still have a chance."
With that, he chased down the two leaders, passing Kilian at an aid station and
overtaking Anton at around mile 90, and went on to win and break the record.
The film only came out 10 years after the event and my friend L broke the news
once it went online, in case it would be taken down. But the video stayed and I
watched it over and over again, as I did with all my favorite movies. More
things jump out at me the more I watch. I have learnt so much from it.
I guess one reason I loved it was because I shared a similar experience, in a
different domain.
You see I was brought up believing academic performance was the measure of one's
worth. Test scores determined how others judged me and how I viewed myself. In
the silent but cut-throat classroom competitions, the danger of losing was
always there and one never felt safe. In my mind, losing the battles there meant
losing everything. Just like that, 11 years passed. It was 1991 when I graduated
high-school and entered college. I was number one in my new class, the sole
winner of a special scholarship.
The first two years were the hardest. The single-minded zeal for academic
success left me as I thought I had already fulfilled my folks' expectations.
College was still competition but it demanded a much larger skill set than I
had. It was my past one-dimenional success that doomed me for the first two
bitter years. Overwhelmed and like Geoff, I felt being held back by an invisible
force and hitting rock bottom.
It was only after I accepted the setbacks, gave up things that didn't motivate
me, including the subjects of my aerospace engineering major, and started on my
own quest for learning computers and English that I began to see a future and
feel alive again. "I still have a chance" was exactly what I thought at that juncture.
The changes came swiftly. In five years, I switched major, finished grad school,
and was well on my way to study abroad. It was amazing how much one could
accomplish when putting one's mind to it.
That was almost 30 years ago. And for the past few years I felt my life had
turned another page. I have stopped clinging onto the old dreams, chasing title
and money, and fearing missing out. I have started to focus on things that truly
interest me: running, weight-lifting, English, and even programming. It will be
interesting to see how things turn out five years down the road.
