My notes:
How many of you AAPI can make and take jokes about Asian people objectively mediating
racial tensions and competitive crosstalk work functions? Honestly, neither can I make nor take jokes mediating either racial tensions or work functions. I keep straight faces (so, look serious about my work),
which compose my attitude towards both issues. I didn’t pay much attention to Stand-Up Comedians
until I watched my countryman Joe Wong’s talk show (below 2) C-SPAN: Joe Wong at RTCA Dinner in the White House with President Obama and VP Joe Biden).
Joe Wong came from Hai Long Jiang and earned his Ph.D. at Baylor College of Medicine,
known as the Southern Harvard/M.I.T. During the daytime; he worked towards his Ph.D.; at night,
he practiced his jokes as Stand-Up Comedians in the night clubs and restaurants for three years.
He made it into the David Letterman Night Show and the White House RTCA. As such, he broke the stereotype of STEM-career Chinese as a pioneer. Chinese Americans can learn from the Jewish journey
to the mainstream by moving into cultural platforms like Stand-Up Comedians. Below is the list of the top 25 Jewish Stand-Up Comedians.
1) Russel Peters on Indian and Chines doing business^^
2) C-SPAN: Joe Wong at RTCA Dinner
3) The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon: Ronny Chieng Stand-Up
Jon Stewart
“We've come from the same history – 2000 years of persecution – we've just expressed our sufferings differently. Blacks developed the blues. Jews complained; we just never thought of putting it to music.”
Groucho Marx
“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
Billy Crystal
“At 60, I could do the same things I could do at 30, if I could only remember what those things are.”
Jerry Seinfeld
“My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.”
Jackie Mason
“My grandfather always said, ‘Don't watch your money, watch your health.’ So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.”
Rodney Dangerfield
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met..”
Mel Brooks
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.”
Lenny Bruce
“If you live in New York, even if you're Catholic, you're Jewish.”
George Burns
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
Gilda Radner
“Well it just goes to show you, it’s always something, you either got a toenail in your hamburger or toilet paper clinging to your shoe.” (as Roseanne Roseannadanna on S.N.L.)
Joan Rivers
“I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.”
Don Rickles
“Room service is great. If you want to pay $500 for a club sandwich.”
Sid Caesar
“The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was a genius.”
Milton Berle
“My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.”
Jerry Lewis
“When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, 'Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?' He answered, 'If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you'.”
Jack Benny
“I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.”
Albert Brooks
“I was in Kashmir last weekend. Went to visit one of my sweaters.”
Roseanne Barr
“I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on.
Garry Shandling
“I'm very loyal in a relationship. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom, I don't look at other moms and go, "I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like."
Robert Klein
“I was in the De Witt Clinton High School marching band. One of the worst bands ever formed. When we played the national anthem, people from every country stood – except Americans.”
Nichols & May
“No doubt you are as alarmed as I by the tragic decline in America's language skills. If 10 people read the following sentence: ‘Two tanker trucks have just overturned in Alaska, spilling a total of 10,000 gallons of beer onto a highway,’ two would find an error in subject-verb agreement, two would find an error in spelling, and six would find a sponge and drive north.”
Andy Kaufman
“Okay, now be quiet, I will pay $1000 to any woman that will beat me in this ring. I will not only do that, I will shave my head completely bald if I am beaten here. And any woman that will beat me has an extra prize she will get to marry me. Right here. She will take my hand in marriage. I will offer my hand in marriage if she beats me right here.”
Shelly Berman
“If you've never met a student from the University of Chicago, I'll describe him to you. If you give him a glass of water, he says, ‘This is a glass of water. But is it a glass of water? And if it is a glass of water, why is it a glass of water?’ And eventually he dies of thirst.”
Mort Sahl
“Most people past college age are not atheists. It's too hard to be in society, for one thing. Because you don't get any days off. And if you're an agnostic you don't know whether you get them off or not.”
Seth Rogen
“I am lazy, but for some reason, I am so paranoid that I end up working hard.”