HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU'RE IN LOVE, IN LUST OR REALLY MARRIED?
LOVE--When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST--When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE--When you lose your child in a crowded room.
LOVE--When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST--When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE--What the hell are you talking about?
LOVE--When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST--When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE--When you argue over money.
LOVE--When you share everything you own.
LUST--When you steal everything your partner owns.
MARRIAGE--When the bank owns everything.
LOVE--When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST--The relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE--What's a climax?
LOVE--When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST--When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE--When you phone each other to complain.
LOVE--When you write poems about your partner.
LUST--When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE--When all you write is checks.
LOVE--When you show real concern for your partner's feelings.
LUST--When you really couldn't give a damn.
MARRIAGE--When your only real concern is what's on TV.
LOVE--When your farewell is "I love you, darling ..."
LUST--When your farewell is "So, same time next week ..."
MARRIAGE--When your farewell is a relief.
LOVE--When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST--When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE--When you never see each other awake.
LOVE--When your heart flutters every time you see your partner.
LUST--When your groin twitches every time you see your partner.
MARRIAGE--When your wallet empties every time you see your partner.
LOVE--When nobody else matters.
LUST--When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE--When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.
LOVE--When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST--When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE--When you listen to talk radio.
LOVE--When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST--When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE--When just getting through today is your only thought.
LOVE--When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST--When you're only interested in doing things to your partner.
MARRIAGE--When you're only interested in your golf score.
