（原创：灵隐士）
康拉德的忧伤我的忧伤（7）——那忧伤的崇拜
（I did not envy him his devotion to Kurtz, though. He had not meditated over it. It came to him, and he accepted it with a sort of eager fatalism. I must say that to me it appeared about the most dangerous thing in every way he had come upon so far.
They had come together unavoidably, like two ships becalmed near each other, and lay rubbing sides at last. I suppose Kurtz wanted an audience, because on a certain occasion, when encamped in the forest, they had talked all night, or more probably Kurtz had talked.）
这个“他”来自俄罗斯，为了实现自己的梦想在黑暗中单干，一个人拼死觅活地打拼，不过为了多搞几根象牙而已。一面情缘让他见识了库尔茨：“听君一席话，胜读十年书。”于是追随着成了库尔茨的信徒。
翻译如下：
“他（俄罗斯人）对库尔茨如此的虔诚，可是我却一点儿也不羡慕。因为他并不是认真思考之后才做出了决定。他不过只是无意识之下撞上了，于是就接受了，他对库尔茨的渴望是那般的强烈，如同冥冥之中注定的一世宿命。我必须要说，在我看来，这是截止目前他所遇到的最危险的事情，不管从哪个角度去看。
他们俩走到了一起，一切终究不可避免。就像浮在水面上的两艘船儿，相互之间不停靠近着，你蹭我一下我蹭你一下，最后两个并排着躺好，一切平静了下来。我想是因为库尔茨需要一位听众，这样在一些特殊的境况下，比如在树林子搭帐篷宿营，无聊的时候，俩人就有机会通宵聊天，不过呢我猜很可能主要是库尔茨在讲。”
（'We talked of everything,' he said, quite transported at the recollection. 'I forgot there was such a thing as sleep. The night did not seem to last an hour. Everything! Everything! . . . Of love too.' 'Ah, he talked to you of love!' I said, much amused. 'It isn't what you think,' he cried, almost passionately. 'It was in general. He made me see things--things.' 'To speak plainly, he raided the country,' I said. He nodded. 'Not alone, surely!' He muttered something about the villages round that lake. 'Kurtz got the tribe to follow him, did he?' I suggested. He fidgeted a little. 'They adored him,' he said. The tone of these words was so extraordinary that I looked at him searchingly. It was curious to see his mingled eagerness and reluctance to speak of Kurtz. The man filled his life, occupied his thoughts, swayed his emotions. 'What can you expect?' he burst out; 'he came to them with thunder and lightning, you know--and they had never seen anything like it--and very terrible. He could be very terrible. You can't judge Mr. Kurtz as you would an ordinary man. No, no, no!）
“他”，这名俄罗斯人完全被库尔茨的理念，做法所征服。他理解，他支持，他愿意站在库尔茨的立场为库尔茨讲话，心甘情愿。后来因为“象牙是谁的”这个问题被库尔茨赶走了，并且对他警告：“要是让我再发现你藏一根象牙，我就要了你的命！即使到了这个份上，他依然跟随着库尔茨，暗中偷偷的，不离不弃——因为他实在太“爱”库尔茨了，一旦没有了对方生活就没了方向。“你们不能侮辱库尔茨，侮辱他就是在侮辱我，甚至比侮辱我更加让我难以忍受。”或许这就是他的心里话。
翻译如下：
““我俩什么都聊，”他考虑了好一阵子功夫，才开了口。“甚至让我忘记了还要睡觉这件事。一整夜时间当时感觉甚至不到一个小时。每件事都聊！所有事都聊！。。。。。。包括什么才是爱。”“啊哈，他跟你探讨爱情啊！”我觉得这挺逗的。“不是你想的那样啦，”他叫了出来，热情开始上了头。“只是泛泛而谈罢了。他确实让我明白了一些事情——很重要的事，很多的事。”“但是我要说，直白点好了，他（库尔茨）其实是在洗劫这块土地。”我表达了自己的看法。他点了点头。“并不是只有他一个人这样干，我敢跟你打赌！”他嘴巴轻轻咕哝着，说起了湖畔周边那些村庄所发生的事情。“库尔茨控制了整个村庄跟着他一起干，对不对？”我尝试着让他打开话匣子。看上去他似乎有点儿乱了神。“那有什么办法！那些人崇拜他啊，”他说了下去。不过语调之中似乎有点不大对劲，于是我一边看着一边心里揣摩着。奇怪，一说起库尔茨，他呢就很急切地要表达，可是呢又不愿多说，这让我挺好奇。看来那个男人填满了他的生命，占据了他的思想，左右着他的感情。“你还能指望些别的啥东西呢？”他突然一下子就爆发了；“他来的时候就像带着雷声和闪电一般，走到那些人面前，你明白吧——那些人可是打生下来就没有见过这种阵仗——被震撼得那是不要不要的。他这个人作事能把人震撼到死，到死的啊。所以其实你不能这样去看待库尔茨先生，不能把他当成一个普通人那样去评价，这样不可以，不可以的，绝对不可以。””
(She came abreast of the steamer, stood still, and faced us. Her long shadow fell to the water's edge. Her face had a tragic and fierce aspect of wild sorrow and of dumb pain mingled with the fear of some struggling, half-shaped resolve. She stood looking at us without a stir and like the wilderness itself, with an air of brooding over an inscrutable purpose. A whole minute passed, and then she made a step forward. There was a low jingle, a glint of yellow metal, a sway of fringed draperies, and she stopped as if her heart had failed her. The young fellow by my side growled. The pilgrims murmured at my back. She looked at us all as if her life had depended upon the unswerving steadiness of her glance. Suddenly she opened her bared arms and threw them up rigid above her head, as though in an uncontrollable desire to touch the sky, and at the same time the swift shadows darted out on the earth, swept around on the river, gathering the steamer into a shadowy embrace. A formidable silence hung over the scene.）
She turned away slowly, walked on, following the bank, and passed into the bushes to the left. Once only her eyes gleamed back at us in the dusk of the thickets before she disappeared.）
这是一名忧伤的女巫。她亲自来给心目中的英雄库尔茨送行。她曾经花了十四个日日夜夜跟他促膝长谈，要他留下，求他留下。但是对方还是要走——于是她的心被摘走了。她崇拜他，她爱他，因为库尔茨改变了她，改变了她的村庄，改变了她的世界。因为库尔茨她才知道象牙的价值，象牙的魅力，自己才能穿金戴银更有魅力。库尔茨不是一个人，决不是一个凡人，而是她跟整个村落所有人的大救星。
翻译如下：
“她（女巫）走了过来，脸朝着我们，和这条蒸汽船胸对胸，心连心，长长的影子落下钻进了水面的边沿。她的脸上表情复杂极了，好像伤心到了发狂，又难过到了麻木，呈现出一半凄凄惨惨，一半穷凶极恶的神态，同时还掺杂着些许害怕——那种倾尽全力去抗争，却发现事情只能搞定一半的害怕。她站在那里看着我们，神色异常平静，就像脚下这片荒野一般，注视眼前这令人费解的一切，陷入了沉思中。整整一分钟过去了，她只是向前迈了一步而已。轻轻的叮铃声传过来，黄色金属在一闪一闪，而衣衫上的流苏随风而飘，她站住了，看得出心里面并非心甘情愿。我身边的年轻人忍不住愤怒彪了几句。后面的那些追梦者们也在轻轻地说个不停。她就这样望着我们所有的人，目光稳定，移也不移，好像这就是她生命的全部内容。忽然她张开了赤裸的双臂，高高举起来到达头顶之上，动作看上去刻板、僵硬，似乎心里有着难以抑制的欲望，所以尽力去触摸高高在上的天空，与此同时，手臂的形成影子像箭一般射到地面之上，动作迅疾无比，然后横切着扫过河面，集中到了蒸汽船身上，于是显示出一个虚幻的，由阴影给出的拥抱。没有人说话，整个场面雅雀无声，被寂静完全地笼罩，让人不由得心生畏惧。
她要走了，她缓慢地转回身体，沿着河岸往回走，不断向前穿行，最后隐入左侧的树林之中。在身形消失前一刹那，她再次回眸凝望，给了最后一眼，即使密林之中雾气弥漫着，也遮挡不住那眼神之中所闪动的光芒，那光芒直入我们的眼睑，刻印到我们的心坎之上。”
（'. . . Who was not his friend who had heard him speak once?' she was saying. 'He drew men towards him by what was best in them.' She looked at me with intensity. 'It is the gift of the great,' she went on, and the sound of her low voice seemed to have the accompaniment of all the other sounds, full of mystery, desolation, and sorrow, I had ever heard--the ripple of the river, the soughing of the trees swayed by the wind, the murmurs of wild crowds, the faint ring of incomprehensible words cried from afar, the whisper of a voice speaking from beyond the threshold of an eternal darkness. 'But you have heard him! You know!' she cried.）
在遥远的大不列颠，有一个伤感的恋人——库尔茨的恋人。她生活在窗明几亮的房间内，看着窗外的鲜花，思念着远在大洋彼岸，非洲丛林中的那个圣斗士——“总有一天我会回来，我会身穿黄金圣衣，脚踩五色祥云前来迎娶你。”那是她的盖世英雄，她倾慕着，崇拜着。爱得朝朝又暮暮，销魂又蚀骨，只有郁郁寡欢。天若有情天亦老，青春小鸟飞走了，她的青春小鸟再也没有飞回。凝目对镜贴花黄，可怜红颜皱纹生。就这么一个人地活着，突然有一天有人告诉她盖世英雄死了。
翻译如下：
““。。。。。。哪一个跟他（库尔茨）说过话的人最后不都是变成了他的朋友？”她（库尔茨的恋人）不停地倾诉着。“他吸引着每个人去靠近他，因为这个人哪，他有能力让每个人都展示出自己最棒那一面。”她看着我，眼神中情绪又强又烈。“这就是伟人才具备的与众不同的天赋，”她继续着，声音压得低低的，我看着她，感觉似乎除此以外有很多种不同声音同时在响，相互交织在一起，充满神秘、凄凉、伤痛的感觉，我甚至听到了——比如河水流动，漩涡乍起的哗哗，比如风起摇晃着树枝，叶子发出的飒飒，比如许多狂野之人个个都在低声私语，还有比如远方传来的撕喊，就像环绕立体声一般在播放，有气无力的，让人一个字儿都听不明白，以及传出一种衰减后的音调，从永远黑暗的门槛之内所发出，而原本是清晰无比，抑扬顿挫的语言。“不是吗？你可是亲耳听过他说的话！你一定知道的！”她叫了起来。”
（'What a loss to me--to us!'--she corrected herself with beautiful generosity; then added in a murmur, 'To the world.' By the last gleams of twilight I could see the glitter of her eyes, full of tears--of tears that would not fall.
'I have been very happy--very fortunate--very proud,' she went on. 'Too fortunate. Too happy for a little while. And now I am unhappy for--for life.'）
一切尽在不言中——她（恋人）对库尔茨的崇敬以及发自真心的难过。
翻译如下：
““这对我造成了多大的损失啊——我的意思是对咱们俩！”她补充纠正了一下自己，这句话补充得挺大方，听起来真够美的；接着低下声来又补了一句，“对这整个世界。”借着暮色最后的一亮微光，我看到她的眼睛光彩流溢，满满的都是泪水，强忍着不愿滚滚落下。
“曾经我是多么的幸福啊——多么的好运——多么的自豪，”她继续着。“太过好运了。太过幸福了，所以只能给那么一点儿时间。现在我呢就不得不伤心难过，难过下去一直到——一直老到死为止。””
（She stood up; her fair hair seemed to catch all the remaining light in a glimmer of gold. I rose too.
'And of all this,' she went on, mournfully, 'of all his promise, and of all his greatness, of his generous mind, of his noble heart, nothing remains--nothing but a memory. You and I--
'We shall always remember him,' I said, hastily.）
直接翻译如下：
“她站了起来；在金色、微微的光芒之下，她的秀发似乎捕获了最后所剩下的一切光明，看上去如此美丽。我也站起身来。
“所有这些，”她依然在讲，哀痛不已，“所有他的承诺，所有他的伟大，他那大度的胸怀，他那高尚的心灵，一丁点也没有留下，一切都没有了——往事只可让人追忆而已。只有你跟我，我们两个——”
“我们应该永远记住他，”我开口了，连忙打住她。”
（'No!' she cried. 'It is impossible that all this should be lost--that such a life should be sacrificed to leave nothing--but sorrow. You know what vast plans he had. I knew of them too--I could not perhaps understand,--but others knew of them. Something must remain. His words, at least, have not died.'
'His words will remain,' I said.
'And his example,' she whispered to herself. 'Men looked up to him,--his goodness shone in every act.）
她五体投地拜神一般，仰视着，崇拜着库尔茨。她爱他，可是呢，她的盖世英雄，她的爱人到底过着什么样的日子呢？她明不明？——这种感情不过只是寄托在虚假之上的错觉而已，其实呢，她离真实的那个恋人太远，不是因为距离太远，而是因为她的崇拜。
翻译如下：
““我不要！”她喊了出来。“所有这些不应该流逝而去，不可以的——不应该牺牲掉这么出类拔萃的一个生命，却不给人留下些好的东西——反而只留下伤痛。你是知道他的那些计划多么宏大。我也是知道的——也许我理解不了——但是又有什么关系，其他那么多的人，大家都知道这些。一定要留下些什么，那些要紧的东西。对了，他的话，他说过的那些话，至少还没有死掉。”
“他说的话是会保存下来的，”我附和了一下。
“还有他的形象事迹，”她像是在自言自语。“人人都会抬头仰视着他，——他的美好，如此神圣，一行一为都那么光辉万丈。””
