Men Vs. Women, Round 3
| Question | Answer |
| Why do men fart more than women? | Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure. |
| Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? | Because if you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt. |
| Why did God give men penises? | So we'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up! |
| How is a woman like a laxative? | They both irritate the shit out of you. |
| Why did God give women nipples? | To make suckers out of men. |
| Why are hangovers better than women? | Hangovers will go away. |
| Why do men die before their wives? | They want to. |
| Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? | He died laughing before he could tell anybody. |
| What s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pit bull? | Lipstick. |
| Why is a woman like a dog turd? | The older it is, the easier it is to pick up. |
| What's the difference between a woman and a toilet? | A toilet doesn't follow you around once you've used it. |
| How does a woman know that she is overweight? | She's lying at the beach and people from Greenpeace try to push her back into the sea. |
| How many men does it take to fix the vacuum cleaner?? | Why the hell should we fix it, we don't use the damn thing! |
| Why are women like screen doors? | Once they get banged a few times, they loosen up. |
| What's a wife? | An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done. |
| How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex? | Wipe your penis on the curtains. |
| How are women like parking spaces? | The best ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped. |
| How are girls like rocks? | The flat ones are better to skip. |
| Why do women have tits? | So men will talk to them. |
| What's the difference between a woman and a coffin? | You come in one and go in the other. |
| Why do women close their eyes during sex? | They can't stand to see a man having a good time. |
| What do you call a woman who can suck an orange through a waterhose? | Darling. |
| What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? | You can unscrew a light bulb. |
| Why do women have periods? | Because they deserve them. |
| Why did God make man first? | He didn't want to have a woman looking over his shoulder. |
| What's the definition of Male Chauvinist Pig? | A man who hates every bone in a woman's body--except his own. |
| Why does it take five women with PMS to change a light bulb? | IT JUST DOES!! |
| What's love? | The delusion that one woman is different from another. |
| What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? | Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant. |
| Why are cyclones/tornadoes usually named after women? | Because what starts off as a small blow ends up taking half your house. |
| What's the difference between your wife and your job? | After five years your job will still suck. |
| Why did God create lesbians? | So feminists couldn't breed. |
| Why did the Army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf? | They fought like animals and retained water for four days. |
| Why is a fat woman like a moped? | They're both fun to ride, but you wouldn't want your friends to see you on either. |
| Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? | They don't have balls to scratch. |
| Did you hear about the new all female delivery service? | It s called PMS - they deliver whenever the hell they feel like it. |
| What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? | Divorced. |
