这是我从别处看来的。 很搞笑。 我加了几个注
1) My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
2) Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
3) Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep
4) Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets。
5) Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped （私奔）with her tape deck (磁带驱动器） , so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
6) Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding （墙板，壁板), windows, or a hot tub （带按摩喷头和能控温那种浴缸), and their carpets are clean. They give to charity （慈善团体) through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
注：在美国最常收到的电话便是各种各样的收捐款的或推销东西的电话。 所以三两年前才有了do-not-call list, 好让人们减少这种骚扰。
7) Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
8) This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathic （心灵感应术）thought- recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.
注; telepathic 是那种你这边想远处的人就可以感受到的魔力
9) Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
10) If you are a burglar(盗贼), then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.
11) You're growing tired. Your eyelids( 眼皮 ) are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower(定力) and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to ( 感到无助而不得不做某事 ) leave your name, number, and a message.
注：这是典型的催眠术（hyponosis)用语。
12) Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
注：这是警察逮捕人时的法律用语。
13) Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you
