1 调位/Change places
The assistant curator of the museum came to the head curator with a couple of problems. “Sir, the mummy is damp and getting moldy, and the white mouse in the maze exhibit has developed dry skin.”
The head curator thought a minute, then advised, "Put your mummy where your mouse is.”
博物馆馆长助理找到馆长反映了几个问题:“先生，木乃伊现已受潮开始发霉了，但在迷宫中展览的小白鼠的皮肤变得越来越干燥。”
馆长想了一会儿，说:“把木乃伊放到白鼠那儿去吧。”
2 大制服/Large Uniforms
During our first three days at Lakeland Air Force Base in San Antonio, we were herded from place to place for haircuts, shots and uniforms. Back in our barracks, the drill instructor told us to put on our uniforms and fall out in front of the building. Some of the uniforms, however, were extremely large. As we filed outside, the sergeant stood by the door with his assistant. "We have to take some of these people back for refitting," he said. "That last man took two steps before his uniform moved."
在圣安东尼奥的莱克兰空军基地的头三天，我们被从一个地方赶到另一个地方去理发、打预防针、领制服。回到营房之后，训练指导员让我们穿上制服，在营房前原地解散。不管怎样，有些制服特别大。我们鱼贯而出的时候，中士和他的副手就站在门边。“我们得将一些人弄回去换一下军服，”他说，“最后那个人走了两步，他的制服才动。”
3 视力训练/Visual Training
The squad were having "visual training". One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field. The party was so far away that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly the recruit replied:
"Sixteen men and a sergeant, sir."
"Right; but how do you know there's a sergeant there?"
"He's not doing any digging, sir."
班里正在进行“视力训练”。一个聪明伶俐的新兵被班长叫出来数远处旷野上采掘队的人数。采掘队在很远的地方，那些人看起来只是一些小点儿。但是这个新兵毫不犹豫的回答:
“十六个士兵和一个中士，长官。”
“正确。可你如何知道那儿有一个中士？”
“他不干活，长官。”
4 速度限制/Speed Limit
The British RAF base where I was stationed as part of a contingent of USAF personnel had one narrow road winding through the crowded residential area. After a rash of minor vehicle pedestrian accidents, the USAF commander decided to reduce the speed limit to three m.p.h.
Shortly after the new limit was posted, an MP sergeant issued a speeding citation to a jeep driver for going five m.p.h. I was curious to know how the MP had determined the jeep's speed so exactly. "I was jogging to get to the PX before it closed," he explained, "and as I passed the jeep, I noticed that the speedometer read five m.p.h."
我作为美国空军人员分遣部队的一员驻扎在英国皇家空军某地，那里有一条狭窄的马路蜿蜒穿过拥挤的居民区。因为多次出现汽车撞伤行人一类不甚严重的车祸，美国空军司令员决定将车速限制在每小时三英里。
新的车速限制公布后不久，一名骑警中士因一名吉普车司机开车时速达五英里而给他开了一张超速传票。我很想知道骑警是怎样如此精确地知道那辆吉普车的速度的。“我跑步去军人合作社要在它关门之前到达那里，”他解释道：“当我超过吉普车时，我注意到计速器指向了每小时五英里。”
5 正是士兵/None Other Than a Soldier
As a newly commissioned infantry lieutenant, I was eager to set an example for my platoon by cleaning my own M-16 rifle. While we were working on the weapons, one soldier complained about the unusual notched shape of the M-16's bolt and chamber, which makes it difficult to clean.
"Lieutenant, they need to make something to clean this with," the soldier said.
"They do," piped up a sergeant.
"Really," I said with surprise, wondering why we had not ordered such a tool.
"Yes, sir," replied the sergeant. "It's called a soldier."
作为一名新上任的步兵中尉，我急于通过擦拭自己的M-16式自动步枪给全排作个榜样。我们一块擦枪时，一名战士抱怨由于M-16的枪栓枪膛的特别凹形结构，擦起来十分困难。
“中尉，应该制造一种擦这枪的工具。”士兵说。
“已经制造出来了。”一军士尖叫。
“真的？”我十分诧异，纳闷为什么我们没有定购这种工具。
“真的，长官，”军士答道，“它就是士兵。”
6 搞错了/A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，慌张的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”
“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫无损伤地站在现场附近。
“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。
“我知道的最后情况是，”那名美国人说，“英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在争辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”
