1 羞涩的男人/A Shy Man
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.
But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So, he calls her on the phone, "June."
"Yes, this is June."
"Will you marry me?"
"Of course, I will! Who's this?"
一个男人真爱一个女人，但他只是太害羞向她提出求婚。 现在他的年龄一点点大了，可是他们两个人却还没有结婚。当然，他们在过去六年每周约会一次，但他是如此胆小，他只是从来没有勇气求婚更不用说生活在一起。
但有一天，他决心问她这个问题。 于是他打电话给她，“六月”。
“是的，这是六月。”
“你愿意嫁给我吗？”
“当然，我愿意！这是谁啊？”
2 工作狂
My husband, Brian, is a computer systems administrator. He is dedicated to his job and works long hours, rarely taking time off for meals.
One afternoon, Brian was over-whelmed with solving a computer network problem, so I decided to deliver a meal for him to eat at his workstation.
When I was getting ready to leave, I said good-bye and reminded him to eat his burger and fries while they were still warm.
Staring at his monitor, he waved me away. ″Don't worry, ″ he said, obviously distracted,″ I'll deleted them in a few minutes.″
我的丈夫布赖恩是一个电脑系统管理员。他献身于工作,经常连续工作很长时间,很少有时间吃饭。
一天下午,布赖恩正在专心致志地解决一个电脑网络问题,所以我决定给他送饭,让他在自己的工作站吃。
当我准备离开的时候,我说了再见,并提醒他趁着汉堡和油炸食物还热的时候,赶紧把它们吃了。
他盯着他的显示器,挥手示意我离开。“不用担心,”他心不在焉地说，“几分钟后我就把它们删除掉。”
3 这次没有/ Not this time
A middle-aged couple, with two beautiful daughters, decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
Soon, the wife became pregnant, and, nine months later, delivered a baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son, but was horrified to find an incredibly-ugly baby.
He went to his wife and said, "I cannot possibly be the father of that hideous child. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
When his wife blushed, he became suspicious, and demanded, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
His wife confessed, "Not this time."
一对中年夫妇，有两个漂亮的女儿，决定为他们总是想要的儿子做最后一次尝试。
很快，妻子怀孕了，九个月后，生下了一个男婴。 快乐的父亲赶到婴儿室看他的新儿子，但很震惊，发现一个令人难以置信的丑陋的宝宝。
他到他的妻子那儿说：“我不可能是那个极其丑陋的孩子的父亲，看看我生下的两个漂亮的女儿。”
当他的妻子脸红时，他变得多疑，并问道，“你一直在欺骗我吗？”
他的妻子承认，“这次没有。”
4 三条理由/Three Reasons
Teacher: Stone, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round.
Stone: Ma says so, Pa says so, and you say so!
老师：斯通，说出三条理由来证实地球是圆的。
斯通：妈妈是这么说的，爸爸是这么说的，你也是这么说的!
5 结婚多久了/ How long have you been married?
When a woman in my office became engaged, a colleague offered her some advice.
″The first ten years are the hardest, ″ she said.
″How long have you been married? ″ I asked.
″Ten years, ″ she replied.
我办公室里的一位女士订婚了,一个同事给她提了一些建议。
“头10年是最艰辛的,”她说。
“你结婚多久了?”我问。
“10年。”她回答。
6 经典对白
Behind every successful man, there is a woman. And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
每个成功男人的背后都有一个女人，每个不成功男人的背后都有两个女人。
Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.
成功是一个相关名词,他会给你带来很多不相关的亲戚(联系).
Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.
爱情就象照片,需要大量的暗房时间来培养.
"Your future depends on your dreams." So go to sleep.
“现在的梦想决定着你的将来”,所以还是再睡一会吧。
"Hard work never kills anybody." But why take the risk?
“努力工作不会导致死亡!”不过我不会用自己去证明。
God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
神决定了谁是你的亲戚,幸运的是在选择朋友方面他给了你留了余地。
When two’s company, three’s the result!
两个人的状态是不稳定的,三个人才是!
