Lazy Friday Afternoon

I feel lazy. Body is at work, but mind is far away from here. I am thinking about divorce and the possible life style after that. We finally started communication again. It is weird that husband and wife dont talk to each other. But we are still weird because we talk through phone, email and IM, just not face to face.

He is really a good person, not capable, not sophiscated, but very decent. Even though we are both hurt by this icy cold situation, but I know I am more responsible for this outcome. It is also me who desires more of the separation. I broke the sacred committment of marriage, which took me a long and hard time to eventually come to this point. I do feel sad, but yet a little bit of liberation and excitement. I feel hope again in life.

It won't be an easy life ahead of me. Being a single mom is never a fun way of living, but I don't have to face the struggles of fighting off affairs, guarding myself away from all temptations. I need only true to myself and protect myself. But first of all, I have to find out how emotional I am to make the decision, if he will agree all my terms and this is what he sees for his future as well. Last but not least, how low I can reduce the impact on kids. We will never know the true damage on kids either if we stay together or go separate way. As passed from generation to generation, I didn't grow up in a happy marriage family, and my kids will follow our trail in someway.