2nd week back to work

it is passing so quickly. time is a crucial killer to wipe out what happened in the past.
Today is the second day that I came back to work, also the first week that I will have full time working.So many things happened in the last two months. I don't want to talk and remember, but I have to write here because I know I would choose to forget everything in the future. the point is when you choose to forget, in the future you still have to face up, and start to recite things again. who could know how bad things I had ever experienced?
On January 17,2008, lovely olympia finally came to the world. she came two weeks earlier than expected. also she came so quickly that she was born in the 911 ambulance. she made everybody amazingly surprised and happy. I myself in the ambulance delivered her within 20 minutes. Fortunately she is beatiful and healthy.
when she was inside, she already experienced so much pain from her mother, after she was born a week, she lost her birth father, he just left family and run away.
he find the excuse that he can not stay with me. but in fact, all the time his heart is no long with this family. He was not here for baby's coming,  he betrayed the marriage for a long time. even at this time, he still stayed with that lady( the lady called me later and told me all the things). He told me that "DO EVERYTHING YOURSELF" even I just came back from hospital 2 days. He called 911 to home and just want to get the key to leave the family at the same time. My heart is totally broken. is this the man that I was trying to keep and love? no deserve anymore. it is enough.
I could not write more detail since that make my heart painful. I have to take care of myself. otherwise, who could take care of my two little children?
I am so guilty for mom because she is 70 years old and still have to be very sad and worried about me and my children. she also need to do so many things since she need to let me have as much as possible rest. besided she has to tolerate my bad temper. I can not write any more either since I have tears now...
all that happened I write here simply. I wish I need not to touch them anymore, it will tear the bad scar from my whole body. whenever I thing about it, it beat my heart heavily. I hope everything will be gone. let god to punish him. let god to deal with him.