1 改变航向
A ship’s captain is out to sea and observes what appear to be lights from another ship. He orders his first mate to signal a message to the oncoming ship that says, “Change you course 10 degrees south.” Within seconds they receive a reply that reads, “Change your course 10 degrees north.” The captain is annoys that his order has been disregarded, and he barks, “I am a captain. Change you course 10 degrees south.” Another message comes in: “I am a seaman first class, and I say change your course10 degrees north.” Infuriated by the obvious lack of respect for his superior rank, the captain signals back, “Darn it, man. I say change your course 10 degrees south. I’m on a battleship.” The seaman responds, “I say change your course 10 degrees north. I’m in a lighthouse.”
一条船上的船长出海并发现似乎是来自另一条船上的灯光。他命令他的大副发信号给迎面而来的船只，信号写着：“改变你的航向向南10度。”几秒钟内，他们收到回答，“改变你的航向向北10度。”船长被忽视他的命令惹恼了，他咆哮，“我是船长。改变你的航向向南10度。”另一条消息发过来：“我是一名甲级水手，我说改变你的航向向北10度。” 被明显的不尊重他的高级军衔激怒，船长回信号，“该死的家伙。我说改变你的航向向南10度。我在一艘战舰上。”水手回答：“我说你改变你的航向向北10度。我在一个灯塔里。”
2 十分严肃!
The day before my graduation from a high school in St. Louis, the principal called an assembly. He wanted to say farewell informally, he explained, as he reviewed our years together. There was hardly a dry eye among us as he concluded, "We will remember you, and hope you will remember us; more importantly, we want all of you to meet in this very auditorium 25 years from today.”
There was a moment of silence, then a thin voice piped up, "What time?"
我从圣·路易斯毕业的前一天，校长召集我们开了个会。他想非正式地告别一下。当他回顾起这些年大家在一起所度过的时光时，我们每个人都很激动，眼睛都湿润了。他又情绪激昂地说:“我们是不会忘记你们的，希望你们也不要忘记我们。我们要你们25年后的今天再来这里相聚。”
一片寂静，接着就听见有人小声说:“什么时间? ”
3 您的大衣着火了
The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them to count fifty before saying anything important, and one hundred if it was very important.
The next day he was speaking, standing with his back to the fire, when he noticed several lips moving rapidly. Suddenly the whole class shouted: “Ninety-eight, ninety –nine, a hundred. Your coat is on fire, sir!”
老师为了让学生养成先思考后发言的习惯，就告诉他们在说出重要事情之前先数到50，如果是特别重要的事情，要先数到100。
第二天，当老师背靠着火炉讲课时，发现好几个学生的嘴唇在很快不停地动。突然，全班学生一起喊道:“九十八，九十九，一百。老师，您的大衣着火了!”
4 余音
About to be shipped out on a long tour of duty over-seas, I had called my wife from a coin-operated telephone at an Army camp on the West Coast. As I walked away, the phone rang, and I answered it, expecting to be told of extra charges. "I thought you'd like to know," the operator said, "that just after you hung up, the woman said, ‘I love you. ‘"
即将因工作远征出海，我就在西海岸军营地用一个投币电话给我的妻子拨了个电话。我刚要离开，电话铃响了。我估计是让我交超时费，所以只好去接。接话员说:“我想你可能想知道，你刚挂断电话，那个女的就说‘我爱你’”。
5 好消息和坏消息
A man gets a telephone call from a doctor. The doctor says: "About this medical test I did on you, I have some good news and some bad news.”
The man asks for the good news first:
"The good news is that you have 24 hours to live,” says the doctor.
The man, incredulously: "If that is the good news, then what is the bad news??"
"I couldn’t reach you on the phone yesterday.”
一个男人接到一了一位医生打来的电话。医生说:“是关于我给你做过的体检的事，有个好消息还有个坏消息。”
那个男人先要听好消息:
“好消息就是你还能活24小时。”医生说。
那个男人觉得有些不可思议说:“如果那叫做好消息的话，那坏消息是什么呢?”
“我昨天打电话找不到你。”
6 每个人都这样吗？
Lifeguard: "I’ve been watching you sir, and you’11 have to stop urinating in the pool.”
Man: "But everybody urinates in the pool.”
Lifeguard: "From the diving board?”
救生员:“我已经观察你很久了，先生，你不能往游泳池里小便。”
男人:“但每个人都在游泳池里小便呀。”
救生员:“从跳板上吗?”
