今天去给朋友J送便当，其实不是给她，是给她家人。
J是我大学同学，当年我们电机电脑工程系女生特别少。她人甜蜜、又用功，一直是乖乖牌。
今年年初，经过了5年的癌症搏斗后，J过世了，留下了先生和四个年幼的孩子—四个男孩，三岁、五岁、7岁、和九岁。 她在怀孕老三的时候，查出来右肺有一颗葡萄柚大的肿瘤，虽然切除了，但生完老四后癌症又转化成脑瘤。 在这过去五年与癌症搏斗中，她是那样坚强又勇敢，也从来没有动摇过信仰。
今天带上了我家弟弟Lucas，他跟J的老大只差两个月。
孩子们在前院玩爬树荡秋千，我和朋友的先生（其实也是我们大学同学）说话。 老四Henry，才三岁，送给我一根漂亮的羽毛。 他说眼睛里有东西，我蹲下来仔细查看，没看出什么。 他爸爸说，他只是需要一点女性的关爱。 我的心顿时碎成千千片。
离开后，我的泪水竟然止不住地涌上来，只得在下一个街口停车。 弟弟从后座飞速跨跃到前座，用他的小身体紧紧地抱住我，头靠着我的头，静静地陪我一起流泪。 我想到J不能再给这些孩子抱抱，不能亲亲他们的booboo，不能跟他们一起烤饼干，我为他们心碎。
弟弟和我一起计划，我们要请他们来家里烤饼干，看电影，去游泳。 我们要带他们去公园，去钓鱼、划船、骑车、健行。 带他们去滑冰。 我们会多多地爱这四个孩子。
I went to deliver dinner to my friend J today, actually not J, but her family.
I met J back in college. There were so few of us girls in Electrical and Computer Engineering. She's sweet, diligent, supportive, and faithful.
J lost her 5-year battle with cancer in January, survived by her husband and four precious boys, 3, 5, 7, and 9 year olds. ![[泪]](https://img.t.sinajs.cn/t4/appstyle/expression/ext/normal/6e/2018new_leimu_org.png "[泪]")
When she was pregnant with boy#3, they found a grapefruit-sized tumor in her right lung, and then it metastasized to the brain after she had boy #4. She had been incredibly strong and brave throughout the fight and remained steadfast in her faith till the very end.
The boys played in the front yard as J's husband and I talked. Henry, the youngest one, was so sweet and gave me a feather as a gift. Oh he's so adorable, I just wanna squeeze him. He complained of something in his eye, so I looked very closely but found nothing. Then the dad said, "Oh, he just needed some female attention." I could hear my heart break into many pieces.
After we said goodbye and drove off, my eyes immediately started welling up, and i had to pull over on the next street. Lucas was so sweet, he climbed over from the back seat and reached over to hug me. He didn't say anything, just hugged me as tight as his little body could, put his head on mine and wept silently with me. My heart aches for the boys, as J is no longer here to hold them and kiss their boo-boo and bake cookies with them.
So Lucas and I came up with a plan. We'll invite them over to bake cookies and watch movies and go swimming. We'll take them to the parks, go fishing, go canoeing, go biking and hiking, or to the skating rings. We'll love on the boys.
