澳洲史上最强的Aussie贴zt(英文）

Fishing is the ultimate.

7pm - I usually start off at a white collar bright bar, you know the one - every guy is a "stockbroker" and every chick isn't wearing any underpants. The tide is coming in and everyone is set for a big night. The key here is go for what you know - that volumptious red herring working behind the bar who knows your order? Let me tell you something when a barchick knows your drink week in week out, she has taken notice of you and she wants it. Simple as that. You ask what time her break is and if she's biting you should be eating her mu.ff by 7pm. That's how I like to start the night because there is nothing like a bit of mu.ff breath to neutralise the tequila shots you should be getting into by 11pm.

8pm - Leave the bar and head off to the local drug focked club. Thats because every group of hunters has a weak link - the druggie. Let me tell you something drug fockers dont get #@%!$. It's that simple. You dance like a d1ckhead for eight hours straight then dont sleep for eight days after that. You lose your job and lose your erection. But the drug fock usually drives so you need the #@%!$ to steer the boat.

9pm - Next stop is finance sector to pick up the high roller. This #@%!$ makes so much money but works like a rabbit on heat so he doesn't get too much time to spend it. So at 9pm on a friday night this gino-turn skippy to impress the partners is still working - alone. Go up to his office, grab his balls and let him smell your fingers, this works wonders as the pubes of a pu.ssy can pull the titanic. He undoubtedly has the keys to the liquor cabinet on level 18 so have a few bourbons and it's time to hit the road again.

10pm - $2 restaurant turn trendy bar - these places are full of young whores. But most will have you believe they are still virgins. Sure baby. Remember the druggie? He probably has a three year old beamer with all the money he makes working "from home" so make sure the keys are on standby. What your looking for here is a blackfish dancing. When brunettes want co.c.k they dance, when they dont they sit down. Blondes - opposite. They want russle the love muscle? They sit down and show tit. When they want to p.ric.k tease? They dance. So it's up to you but by 10pm you should have drunk enough to make you think you are a good dancer, so I go for blackfish.

11pm - Pub. Shot time. Tequilas, brain hem, my personal favourite is my own customised drink - you wont find this beauty in any recipe book. Scotch 4/5's, kalua (spelling?) 1/5. I call it the sh1t mixer. Top drink. Buy the 18 year old at the bar who's waiting for her "friend" to return from the toilet a drink. Chances are she's observing your unusual drinking habit and thinking to herself "if this guy can drink like a fish I wonder if he likes seafood?". He does baby. Turns out her "friend" is an internet buddy and if a girl is looking for a guy on the net she is either: A) Fat B) Ugly C) Fat&Ugly D) A nimph. If she's either A to C (your sober wingman should advise you of the status) arrange to meet up with her later, around 2am. Most people disregard the potential of a fat chick, like a skip who lets a shark off the hook even though there are some good bits on it. Think outside the box - this fat chick probably hasn't seen a hungarian salami in her life let alone sit on/su.c.k one. The possibilities are endless. She could su.c.k you like a groper of she might stink like berley. It's part of the game - trial and error. But generally they su.c.k like groper cause they know you'll give them a fake number and will never be seen in public with them. If she's option D) the nimph, grab the keys to they beamer/office.

12am - Mum bar. Single mums, divorced women, wifes who's husbands prefer bowling to screwing - they're all good. Just remember, these women have seen more #@%!$ than you've seen pornos, so they know what they are doing. Just one rule - don't go down on them, a 40 year old #@%!$ looks like veal parmigan and smells like cottage cheese. Just lie back and enjoy the show.

1am - 3am: Irish pubs. Thank god for the irish. The guys have really bad breath and the girls know it. Irish girls are so sweat and tender, and they fu.ck like animals. You must look at the pattern in all situations - irish guys drink until they pass out. A girl cant #@%!$ a guy who has passed out. So if a girlfriend has a passed out boyfriend she needs to be satisfied, she HAS to be satisfied. Start out slowly, grab her tit with your left. Then use the right to slip up between her legs. If she objects she is simply not irish, move along. If she smiles at you, slip in the tongue then take her to the toilets.

4am - Harry's. Chicken and mushroom with mash and gravy, and two chilli dogs that you wont finish. All Harry girls are poms so keep an eye out to for an opportunity. But at this stage if you gave me a choice between a chicken and mushroom and a skanky harry's girl I'll take the chicken and mushroom.

5am - Casino. Withdraw $800 and lose it all on the blackjack table. Make sure you tell the chinese bloke on the end to go #@%!$ himself for screwing up your strategy and not playing properly. Chinese people are so funny, they have these hot wives they can #@%!$ all night but they choose to #@%!$ themselves on blackjack. Try to screw his wife if you can.

6am - You're screwed, but there is always that annoying bloke that hasn't pulled. Brothel it is, but make sure you go to one that serves peanuts (cashsews preferably) and that $2 champaigne. They key here is to pull out a buch of $5 notes wrapped in a $50. The girls will think you're loaded and you might cop a free rub down.

7am - ring/wake the girlfriend/wife and tell her you got home alright and that you love her more than anything in the world. Eat everything in the fridge, go to bed, fart, try to jerk off, give up, fart, go to sleep.