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A few weeks ago, the Day Care Center held a special event to dedicate an activity room in the name of and to celebrate the life of Kate. Kate was a girl who was in the same class with Olivia since they were infants. They had been together up through Kindergarten. They last saw each other during the 2006 summer camp at the daycare before entering first grade in different school districts.
Last December, Kate unexpectedly passed away following a sudden illness. Even though nine months have passed, the impact of her death has left a permanent mark on my heart. I remember being in deep shock and feeling very sad after I heard the news.
I had experienced an untimely death of a boy in my grade when I was about 13 or 14. But I was young at the time and didn’t know the boy personally so I was not particularly saddened. However, this time, the news struck right into my heart. I think that now that I am a parent, I can better relate to the pain another parent would suffer after they lose their child at such tender age. But still I don’t think I can ever truly comprehend the impact of such a tragedy on his/her parents. You look at your children, they are healthy and happy and theirs are gone just like that, it seems so incomprehensible.
Outside of class, I didn’t have many personal encounters with Kate and her parents other than a few birthday parties. But I was able to witness her growing up from an infant being held in her teacher’s arm into a bright, cheerful and out-going young lady. The one thing that always struck me about Kate was that she always seemed to have a smile on her face and was always in a good mood. She would initiate short conversations with me once in a while during the drop off and pick up times. So I did have a connection with her in a small but memorable way.
Thinking that such young joyful life I have witnessed growing up has forever left us just made me feel so sad that for a while I didn’t think I could handle the funeral myself.
After much discussion with my husband, we finally resigned ourselves not to break the news to Olivia, which meant she wasn’t given a choice in attending the funeral of her little friend. This was a hard decision but was complicated by other factors outside our control. We also didn’t know whether our explanation about why this happened to Kate was good enough for Olivia not to worry that she may die the next time she falls sick. Olivia is such a sensitive girl that we were also worried whether the scene at the funeral would be too traumatic for her.
Kate’s funeral was definitely one of the saddest days of my life. Hundreds of people attended the funeral during which the Pastor celebrated Kate’s life by telling us memorable moments of her short life, some were even funny.
As for me, from the moment I laid my eyes on her portrait by the entrance of the church, I was not able to stop crying. I just could not believe that a beautiful little girl who had just smiled at me a few months before will now forever sleep inside the little coffin which was sitting next to her crying parents.
I was especially heartbroken by the poem “Now We Are Six” written by A.A. Milne which was included as part of the funeral program. On the cover of the program was a colorful self-drawn portrait of Kate, complete with sun, butterfly, rainbow and grass surrounding her.
When I was One,
I had just begun.
When I was Two,
I was nearly new.
When I was Three,
I was hardly Me.
When I was Four,
I was not much more.
When I was Five,
I was just alive.
But now I am Six, I’m as clever as clever.
So I think I’ll be six now for ever and ever.
Life is so fragile; death can be so close to us all at any time. We should all feel grateful that our children are in our lives and they are healthy. I just wish that no one should suffer such tragedy as losing a child.
Postscript:
With news of the dedication, it once again brought up many of these emotions. But we were glad that it happened in a way because it gave us the opportunity to go back and inform Olivia about her friend’s passing. Although we knew it would be hard for both ourselves and Olivia, the one thing that we knew wasn’t right was to let Kate’s passing slip by unmentioned and someday realize that Olivia had completely forgotten her little friend.
Olivia was saddened by the news and asked a number of questions, but was largely reserved and didn’t show a lot of emotion. We could tell she was thinking hard about it though.
We gave Olivia the choice to attend the ceremony and she chose to go. I was very proud of her and how she handled herself. The dedication was also good for us personally because it gave us the chance to speak with Kate’s parents in a way which was simply not possible at the time of the funeral. I don’t know if there is anything we could say or do to ease the pain felt by her parents, but I’m glad we were able to attend her memorial and show our support.
