呵呵，不是一夜情（ONS), 是OAN Services, Inc

昨天晚上我贴了给大家提个醒：一切账单都得好好看。提防 OAN Services 这类公司, 结果短路这家伙悄悄地演变成了ONS,我钻进去了还不知道。今天早上才发现老头我上了年轻人当了！叉！

言归正传。我的电话账单无缘无故多了12.95的charge, 今天早上没好气，上班第一件事就是拨打OAN Services 的电话，准备掐架。

下面是电话的主要内容，有好废话略掉了。接电话的是个女的，听起来不像美国native:

她： Customer Service. How can I help you?
我： Hi. I have an item in my phone bill from your company for services that I don’t know anything about.
她： OK, let me take a look.... Are you referring to the charge by USA VOICEMAIL?
我： Yes, that's the one.
她： Sir, I can transfer you to USA VOICEMAIL.

这家伙准备玩踢足球。在给她打电话之前，我已经给USA VOICEMAIL打过电话，他们还没上班。

我： No, YOU ARE NOT TRANSFERRING ME. You need to help me take care of this business.
她： Sir, OAN is a billing company. We bill you on behalf of USA VOICEMAIL. Since they are the service provider, they charge you, and we only do the billing.
我： So you are billing me, right?
她： Yes, we are not charging you, we are only billing you on their behalf. Therefore I cannot do anything other than transferring you to them.
我： NO, you are not transferring me. You caused or helped cause this to happen, and you have work to do.
她： But we cannot do anything because it's the USA VOICEMAIL that charged you, not us.
我： Oh yes, you can do everything for me to stop this craziness. You are billing me, right?
她： Right, but we are not charging me.

这女人跟我玩云手，俺没耐心，就直截了当好了

我： I understand your spin: you are billing me, but not charging me, therefore you can't do anything for me.
她： That's exactly right.
我： No, that's not exactly right. Let me help you understand our relationships.
她： What do you mean?
我： I have never dealt with USA VOICEMAIL who's charging me, right?
她： Uhhhhh, how do you mean?
我： Is it my English or is it what I am saying that you don't understand?
她： It's what you are saying.
我： Thank you for being kind on my English. Now listen carefully to what I am going to say. You and I are in a direct relationship, meaning I look at my bill, and I see your name. Is that the fact?
她： Yes, it's the fact, but ...
我： Please don't but me. Just let me finish.
她： OK, I am sorry
我： So you and I are directly related, of course in business terms, and now there's something wrong in this relationship. Shouldn't I work it out with you?
她： Uhhhh, but…
我： Now, now, remember, don't but me until I am done.
她： OK.
我： So there's something wrong in our relationship, and the party that causes this relationship to happen in the first place is you! I didn't know you, and I didn't check you out, but you secretly got into a relationship with me, right?
她： We are just a billing company...
我： I know you are a billing company, and I know you want to say you didn't charge me, but you helped a scam company charge me by billing me. Have I authorized your service?
她： Uhhh, not really.
我： Now we are talking. So I didn't authorize you, and you sneaked into the AT&T system and started a relationship with me, and I want this relationship stopped.
她： But, sir, I'll need to transfer you.
我： NO, you are NOT transferring me. You and I are going to clear up this mess in our relationship. Am I understood?
她： But...
我： No more but's, lady. I am the victim of a scam, so someone did something illegal to me. I am going to call the Better Business Bureau if you and I don't work out. You know what I am saying?
她： OK, sir, let me check. Could you hold on a second while I enter the information into the system?
我： Can I ask what information you are entering?
她： That you refused to be transferred
我： I don't see the point of being transferred. I need you to clean up the mess.
她： I understand. I am documenting that you want the service cancelled
我： AND the 12.95 dollars you guys charged me last month returned to me.
她： I am entering that into the system.
我： Very good. I appreciate that.
她： Anything else that I can do for you?
我： Do you have a case number for this issue?
她： No, but my name is Christian, and my operator ID is 80767.